Would you give up work IF

[cocomango]

You had two DCs under 4, worked 17.5 hrs per week, had a good child minder who doesn't charge the earth

BUT

After paying said childcare what remained in £ was Exactly what it costs each month to pay for your car which is Only essential to get to said childcare and work, including very modest loan(18 mths left), insurance, tax, fuel, etc.

Basically I go to work to pay for a car I wouldn't need if I didn't go to work.

Would you?

Up until 6 months ago I was intent on keeping my career going at any cost. I've never really been happy in the job (recently more unhappy, plus difficult getting out the door with 2 toddlers) but I worked hard to get where I am professionally and worry about letting it all drop. I also have thoughts of getting pregnant again and have difficulty with the thought of taking a third mat leave from the same employer in a short space of time (worried everyone would think I was taking the p ss). In saying that there is also the thought of hanging in there on the possibility I may get pregnant, then quitting, which is extremely bad I know.

Dh says he'll support my decision whatever, but the stress of my inability to make a decision is wearing on us both...

It feels like a huge leap. I've thought about it so much I am losing the plot. Yes I would like to be there all the time for the kids but am also terrified of ruining their current routine, which they seem to enjoy, and it gives them (and me) a break. Any thoughts, please, anyone?

I work about the same as you. I have always been too frightened to work out exactly how much money (if any) I end up with after costs per month...

However, the difference is I love my job and really don't want to lose it. Plus I know that once my last one is in school I will be getting more monetry profit out of it.

Sometimes I am tempted to leave when childcare becomes difficult but I know I would regret it in the long run. But I only have one preschooler now so I know I don't have so long to wait till he is in school.

I think in your situation I would leave after my third maternity leave.

Thanks cece, it took me 12 months to do the sums and I was horrified

Off to google 'when did you show with your third pregnancy' :o

I wouldn't worry about other people...if you want a 3rd baby go for it, most companies will have rules about consecutive(bad spelling) maternity leave anyway. I'm just about to go back after my maternity leave and I wonder after paying travel, childcare x2 exactly how much i'll have left each month.

Sometimes I think i'd be better staying at home but then I know it will be so hard for me to get back into my current job-role if I take a break for a couple of years. I would probably have to go back in a junior role and like yourself i've studied and worked for many years to get into my post. I think I will just stick it out. My DS will go to proper school in September, so childcare costs should reduce and once both of them are in school fulltime my income can pay for the nice extras like holidays, days out etc without having to worry about the cost of everything

I am currently on mat leave. Dd is 6 months. I'm due to go back in March. I also have ds 2.1.

I haven't done the maths because I don't want to find out what you have . I suspect I will actually be losing a small amount.

I am dreading going back. I have a management role but long for a step back esp. as the p/t hours I went back on after ds just didn't seem to work with my role. I missed out on meetings/decisions etc. Obviously, stepping down is not an option as we can't afford it so I will suck it up til ds gets some free care then reassess. I have lots of years service with my employer incl. a final salary pension, so have lots to lose by leaving. I hate it but I need to work for my sanity.

I don't want to be a sahm. I would be shit at it, frankly, and my kids deserve better. I am in awe of parents who do it. I know my limitations, so it's not an option. Don't judge me, I am being honest. I am a great mum and love my days with the dcs but would not be if I had no respite through work/nursery. Also, ds loves nursery. It is almost worth it just for that reason. I would feel terrible to remove him from it.

Dh earns significantly more than me but would be a great sahd. He would love to do it but we can't afford to do it that way. Is this something you could explore? Maybe both do p/t hours.

Reading that back I don't think I've helped at all (sorry for waffling!) But I think we're in a similar boat. I think you have to make the decision by removing the finances from the equation since you will be no better/worse off.

People rarely regret doing something to move forward. Most regrets come from not doing and wishing you had.

Thanks baking, I don?t think my work has a consecutive mat leave policy, beyond sharply raised eyebrows. If I was lucky enough to get p again I?d have to go in with a complete f*ck it attitude, and I?m not sure how possible that is for me during pregnancy (I burst into tears right before I told my manager about my 2nd) Totally fekking disproportionate in hindsight.

I hope your back to work goes good. I found the first six months a breeze, and you have school in September so not long til that.

Doughnutty I am I am of your position, :) I loved my 2nd mat leave it went in too quick (mine are 19 mths apart). As I said I found the first 6 months easy, but I think it wore me down a bit and I?ve ended up feeling a bit cr*p at both (even though I know deep down I?m not) because I did start to get the feeling of splitting myself in two and spending one half of the week recovering from the other .

It is also hard being 'on' the minute you pick them up after work and all of the rest of the time - I found that part exhausting and found the 'alright for some' comments from some collegues when I left for a half day particularly hard to take (yeah I'm going home but they don't pay me when I'm not here and I've been up since 5.30 and my work is just beginning now) (It is much easier now they are a bit older, granted). It was fine with 1 but with 2 I somehow started to care less about work (and I went to uni to do it for 5 years and it would be extremely difficult to get back into). I started to feel totally undervalued because I am p/t and seemingly 'never there'...

To illustrate what a U turn this is for me 6 months ago (when I had been back at work for 6 months) my Dh was offered a vg job in Australia and I hit the roof at the prospect of giving up my ?career?. If he got another offer tomorrow I?d be on a plane.

Also totally get what you?re saying about not being good at being SAHM, where I feel I lack there is I can?t abide toddler groups but my childminder loves them so my kids get all that when I am at work (I almost feel like I am contracting out their social development or something) and it eases my guilt about not doing that. I also think they need a bit of respite from me or it would all just go to sh*t. (Somehow being on mat leave I am ok with it because of the safety blanket of work behind me).

Feel like I am between a rock and a hard place but also feel completely ungrateful with it as some people don?t have the choice I have. Anyway, I don't mean any of this to discourage you and hope it doesn't in any way. The fact that I am focussing on negatives perhaps shows which way I am leaning. One of the positives is the amazing feeling of just sitting down most of the day when I first started back. I couldn't get over it.

Hi Cocomango...most companies will have to take their cue regarding maternity pay from current legislation, i'm not sure what the position is on double maternity leave but sites like directgov normally cover the rules in good detail but I think it is more the attitude in your workplace that puts you off.

I always think that children change us, mostly for the better. I know i'm more at peace with myself after having the kids. I'm more tolerant, relaxed and happier as a person. I'm not as ambitious as I once was and prefer to spend time with the family and i'm content with that

I know it's not so easy but can you perhaps look for an alternative employer, it sounds like they are not a nice company and that you work with some petty people.
Good luck with what ever you decide

One very important aspect that would be vital in my decision making, but you have not mentioned at all would be the long term ramifications of giving up work.

What impact would it have on your career? Do you have the kind of job that you can just pick up again after a few years, or would it be difficult to get back in? You say you loved your job up until a few years ago - is it the company that's changed? The job itself? Your priorities?

Remember, that the financial difficulties are only short term - soon enough you'll be getting funded childcare and then your children will be at school.... would you then at this point regret giving up your job (if you found it difficult to subsequently get back in).

I'm not saying you should stay at work, but I do think that often the benefits of staying at home are short term and the benefits of staying in work are often long term - so if you really want to make a balanced decision, then you need to weigh up both the short and long term implications, not just the short term (which usually favour giving up work).

I was about to say what Letch said. I sometimes think it would be lovely to stay at home with the DDs (3y & 8m) but I work in IT & if I leave my job until they are at school, my skills will be out of date & there are now so many working in my field, if I managed to get a job it would be a shit junior one &/or miles away from where I live.

Also, your wages aren't just paying for the car, they are paying for all the benefits of being with a childminder (socialising with other kids etc) When I returned to work when DD1 was 1, I really felt like she needed that time at nursery to do different stuff in a different environment where she could play with other kids & make friends.

I wouldn't worry about what people will think about you taking a third mat leave. What are they going to do? (other than take the mick?!) How about looking for another job when you've finished having babies?

Sorry, I didn't mean that to all sound so pro-work, but no, if I were you I would stay at work - unless I really, really hated it & then I would look for another job before leaving.

I have 4 children (although have only taken 2 sets of mat leave with my current employer) and currently work 21.5 days a week with 2 of my children also under 4. It is hard, and I do have many wobbly moments.

However I also agree with the PP that I do it mainly for my future prospects and that of my children, as life is getting ridiculously expensive and my salary eventually will help to pay for things I want to do for my children - is the way I see it! Also, although my career is massively stalled at the moment, at least it is still ticking over and I know my employer is desperate for me to go full time, so going back on the career ladder would be quite easy then!

I don't enjoy the stress that comes with being a working parent and sometimes I also think how much easier it would be to give it all up. However, now my eldest is 7 I can see that when your youngest are around that age things do get massively easier in that they don't need you in the same physical sense etc....it does feel a long treck though when you still have a baby, I know!

If I were you I would definitely keep it going, part-time jobs are gold dust and I talk myself into staying put most days....good luck!!!!

If you say in your career, your salary hopefully will rise as you get promoted until one day you will earn more than childcare etc. You will have a good pension. Your DC will not always be toddlers and it will become easier.

I have a similar predicament. I work part-time 3 days a week in the same position and for the same company that I have worked for for the past 12 years. I have had two bouts of maternity leave, both lasting a year each. I have hated my job for the past 18 months and am deeply unhappy there.

I wanted to go back to work after a year with both my children. It wasn't a decision based on Finances but was a personal choice for me. I needed something other than being a Mum. We knew that financially we wouldn't be much better off after childcare costs. After childcare and my travel costs I am left with about £400.

I think the tide changed for me when my DD started school in September 2010. Suddenly I felt like she needed me around a lot more. I hated the fact that I could only take her and collect her from school 2 days a week and that I was paying someone else to do it when I really really wanted to. I felt (and still do) like I was really missing out on a hugely significant milestone in her life.

Now my DH has had a promotion at work and has received a substantial payrise. This payrise would make up the shortfall between the cost of childcare and my loss of earnings if I were to give up work. So we are in a position where I can stop work and we would be no financially worse off then we have been prior to his payrise.

I am so so tempted. But my DS starts school in September and I am concious that this is the time when most Mums are thinking about going back to work, rather than stopping! Also childcare costs will be even more reduced then. But as I say this has never really been about the money.

But now it just seems crazy for me to be working 24 hours a week in a job that I hate, that takes me away from my children, for hardly any financial gain, when financially I don't have to.

What should I do?

Agree with Letch, it's not just about now but the future too. How and when will you return to work? How easy or hard will it be? Will you slip down the career ladder? What about your pension? What happens if your DH / DP loses his job / becomes ill / you split up? Will you lose your confidence and end up in a rubbish job? I vote for keeping your career going, albeit part-time; the children are still with you most of the week and you won't have a gaping hole in your CV.

Thanks letch/Bessie/lady/once. I think my issue is deep unhappiness with my job (for reasons too long and uninteresting to bore you with). If I didn?t have kids I?d have found something else and handed in my notice with relish a long time ago. Problem is the place is, admittedly, nirvana for working mothers ? in my career anyway where excessive overtime is mostly compulsory (80% people there are women and only 1 isn't a mum). However, the work isn't good, absolutely no room for promotion because the place is crammed to the rafters with managers. (3 people have started and handed in notice since I did ? All 3? Childless women, because the place is cr p if you?re not in it for that). I get wistful when I go to the supermarket at lunchtime and think I?d be much happier sitting at a checkout. It does make me unhappy, and I think the kids pick up on that. Sometimes I find it hard to hide at work also.

I guess I have some confidence of getting back into the workplace if I did off ramp for a year or two, but who knows in the current climate. I feel lucky to have a job at all. And there is the whole security aspect.

Roller I sympathise, I?d probably say to consider what everyone else has said. I guess its thinking about the future and where you would be if you did want to go back, also now you have the chance to know some of wages could be for ?extras? would make things easier?

Have had another discussion with dh and I think I?m going to grin and bear it (while madly TTC) until April, though the thought depresses me, and I worry about that affecting the TTC'ing. But on the basis that Mat leave doesn?t leave a visible hole in the cv it prob best for til then, when I'll reassess?

I gave up working when my 2nd child was born and have dipped in and out for the past 7 years.
I've never found it difficult to secure a new position, even in the past 6 months and we are in the industrious - not - North West.
I can honestly say the only real regrets I have had is not starting my own business earlier, that will happen this year but staying in a job which makes you unhappy and missing out on those precious years is not worth it.
Careers will alsways be there to return to, children grow up very very quickly.
That said I shall be working like a dog between 45-65 to try and make off the mortgage, all spare cash is directed towards my pension as compounded interest relies on a decent time scale.

I love my job but would not work inbtho

In those circumstances.