Returning to work in March - tips to start feeling positive about it please!

[GiantUnderCrackers]

Now that it is the new year I know the next couple of months will go by in a flash. I am due to return to work full time from mid March. My dd will be in nursery 5 days a week from 7.30am-6pm she will be 10mo then. My work haven't been hugely flexible, haven't allowed me to return part time and but will allow me Fridays to work from home (dd still needs to be in childcare) and I have a 3 hour commute a day. My core hours have only been shifted by 30mins and I work in the events industry as a Manager, which means I will have late nights 2-3 nights a month and I will as usual manage my team. When I think of how I will manage everything and give my dd the time she needs I have no idea how I will do it all - I have to go back for a min of 6 months. My dh will do his share and will help but doesn't really understand my angst. I have knots in my stomach and dread taking over when I think about it.

Can anyone help make me feel positive and give me tips on how to plan and cope? I don't want to go back feeling resentful and miserable. I just fantasize about winning the lottery to pay back the additional maternity pay so I don't have to go back, or think about getting pregnant again v soon after my return so I don't have to be there long, or just start to feel really down about it. I like being with my dd even though being at work in some ways is easier! This is not a good frame of mind to be in to be going back to a job. In all honesty, I also don't really like the organisation or many of the people I work with (I have an exceptionally difficult Director), which makes it worse - I really can't be bothered with the office politics or playing the game! But back to the main problem: How do I manage the household, take care of the dog, my dh, my dd, be positive about my job (without getting fired) and look after me!!!????? Help!

I really sympathise with you, this is just how I felt and to be honest still do a bit, I miss my LO and even after 6 months back at work I feel teary every time I think of her whilst I'm at work and it;s worse after holidays. I still miss her a lot and i don' think that ever goes away. I do feel better than I did when I first came back in July though. Time helps. I also think you will be a happier if you know the childcare is good. If she settles well and seems to enjoy her time there you will be a lot happier. If she doesn't seem to thrive there you may need to choose another provider because any slight distress or lack of engagement with the provider that your child shows will distress you too!

My tips are:
Be sure you are happy with your chosen childcare provider.
Be sure you plan ahead in terms of logistics, who is dropping off/picking up, how/when are you going to pack for each day/cook for the week ahead etc. It helps to feel confident and planning ahead, packing the night before etc are essential for quick get-aways in the mornings. Grocery shopping and cooking at weekends for the week ahead frees up your evenings for dedicated time with your child each day. I only get half an hour to play with my LO before bedtime on work days so I don't want to spend that time cooking for the family.
Be prepared to be very very tired, physically and emotionally for the first few months of being back at work.
Do not plan too many social, leisure or sporting activities away from your child for the first month or so, even if you find these activities relaxing - you may need that time to physically recover from the week at work and you will want to spend that time with your child. It's stressful and puts a lot of pressure on you if you feel you have other commitments on top of spending time with your child.
Be prepared for some illness - during the first few months in childcare your LO will pick up many, many viruses and you will catch at least some of them!
It does get easier.

Hi GiantUnderCrackers, I'm starting back in March with a 10m old DS going to nursery as well. I'm lucky that I'm only doing 3 days to start with but like you say the thought of it all is getting me down too. My DS goes to bed at 6pm at the moment and I won't be able to pick him up til 6 so that is my major worry!! I just hope we can all adapt and find smarter ways of doing things, like picking out my clothes the night before etc. so I can spend an hour with him before work.

Has your LO been away from you much so far? Are you looking forward to having some projects to get your teeth into at work?

I'm going back to work full time in March too, when DD will be 10 months. We should have a support group! Right now I'm feeling wobbily and dreaming about being able to stay at home, but it isn't realisticly an option. I'm trying to remember that I worked hard to get my job and I get a lot out of it, and I might be glad I stuck with it later on.

Curlykate99 - I have had the odd day away from dd and she was fine and so was I, to be honest I'm not that enthusiastic about projects coming up at work. Trying to muster up some enthusiasm! Never thought I would feel like this - I was very driven and career orientated before dd..
attheendoftheday - a support group is a very good idea! I need to get things in perspective!

I was dreading going back to work after DD1, but it was actually ok in the end! As much as I love spending time with her I do think it was a good time for her to start socialising & interacting with other kids at nursery (she was 12m) However, my employer sounds a lot nicer than yours! and i had decided a couple of years before to give up on any chances of payrises or promotions and stick with the cushy office job I would be able to do part-time

I suggest you get your DD into nursery a few weeks before you actually go back to work so you can both get used to the new routine & being away from each other, you will want your morning routine honed to perfection before you have to go back, and you don't want to have to spend your first few days back at work worrying about if she's ok. I plan to get DD2 settled into her nursery routine a month before I go back to work!

I have made a list of positive things about going back to work to cheer myself up.

DD will build a closer relationship with dp and mil when i'm not there.
I will be able to go to the toilet in peace.
I will have a reliable income in case of unforeseen circumstance (like dp dying or leaving me or loosing his job).
I will be modelling an equal relationship to DD where both parents share housework and childcare.
I won't have to worry about money as much.
I won't have to do as much housework, dp will share this and the night wakings.
I will get a peaceful half-hour break at lunchtime.
When DD grows up I may be glad to have my job.
I will enjoy seeing my colleagues again.
I find my job challenging and enjoyable.

If you are really unhappy with your job, you can of course look for another job when you have been back for enough time to qualify for the full maternity pay you've had and not have to pay anything back. If you can afford to lose some salary, you could then apply for a job with reduced hours, and maybe also something nearer to home, a part time job or a job share. You may find that you can afford to reduce your salary by working fewer days, if by doing so you are also reducing your childcare costs - whether fewer hours actually means lower cost will depend on the childcare provider though.
I still dont feel greatly motivated at work but I'm not so unhappy that I can't eat or sleep. I lost loads of weight on my initial return to work as I was completely distraught. Time helps, but reducing my hours - working a 4 day week on 80% of my original salary helped the most - it's made me a lot happier. I was able to (just about) afford the reduced salary even though the childcare cost is the same as full time. You could take the plunge and look for a different job that allows you to spend more time with your child if you are very unhappy in your current post a 2-3 months after you return. Jobs come and go but you will never regret spending time with your little one!

attheendoftheday you forgot about being able to drink a hot cup of tea without worrying about someone knocking it over, and not having to share your biscuits!

thanks everyone :) gourd - you talk a lot of sense! and attheendoftheday - a hot cup of tea will indeed be a highlight. bessie26 - I hope that my experience will be like yours. I am going to start making a list of positives. I am still feeling tight chested, stomach knotted and stressed just thinking about my return...gulp! All advice gratefully received!

attheendoftheday that is a long list, i could only think of 2 (going to loo and drinking cuppa in peace - not at the same time obviously).

I'm stuck between two options at the moment - do I try to get DS used to being away from me more in the next 2 months (still bf so haven't been away for more than a couple of hours yet) or do I make the most of the time we've got left and hope he will just adapt when he starts nursery? What do you guys reckon?

Bessie you don't have to share your biscuits at work? My colleagues would hold an intervention if I tried to scoff away without sharing. Drinking hot tea is a good point.

There are over 100 people in my office, you are expected to bring in treats on your birthday, but otherwise all biscuits stay with their rightful owner!

I thought of another positive, on the journey to/from work, you can listen to whatever YOU want!

Bessie you don't have to share your biscuits at work? My colleagues would hold an intervention if I tried to scoff away without sharing. Drinking hot tea is a good point.