4 days til I go back - how to explain to dh how I feel?

[LaCiccolina]

I go back to work in the city at start of Jan. Last time I cried this much someone close had died. Everything is 'painted black'. I hate it heartwise, but equally my head says its ok and makes sense for our family at this point. Fingers crossed there is a light at a tunnel end so I am extremely conflicted between emotion and head sense. The head and heart never agree....

What pains me is how to explain all that I feel to DH who is clearly feeling every tear I shed.

Any ideas? Ive tried but its the first time we seem to be talking in different languages. WDYD?

I feel for you, but I need more information before I can comment properly. How old is your child / how old are your children? How long have you been off work? Is this the first time you've had a period of time as a SAHM / maternity leave? When you stopped work, what did you and your DH plan wrt you returning to work? What childcare plans do you have in place for when you return to work?

I think all these things could be relevant to your state of mind at the moment, which is why I'm asking (I've been there!).

hey, not a lot I can add other than I feel exactly the same.
I also go back on monday leaving behing my wonderful DD and I also work in the city.

It makes so much sense financially to go back yet its breaking my heart.

Hope it goes okay for you on monday.

Thinking about it is far far worse than the reality.
Being a working parent is a fact of life for many people these days. And tbh, even if you scrimped and saved and cut back and gave up work for a while, you could be crying your eyes out over that decision in a few years time. There is a lot to be said for hanging on to a good job, pension etc these days. I know many mums who bitterly regret not staying in work.

As long as you have good childcare arrangements in place, your child will thrive. She may take some time to adjust- but frankly she would when she started school, or made any of the other steps that all children take, so just be prepared for that.

It would be helpful to know a bit more about your child/ren and what arrangements you have made at home. I sometimes find that the period leading up to something stressful is actually far worse than when that event happens. Can you see how things go for 6 months and then reassess?

At the end of my first maternity leave, I was in floods of tears the night before. I was so worried about DD. But when I got back, I really enjoyed being there. And DD was fine. I had been off for 10 months and I did really enjoy my work. Are you going back F/T or P/T? The problem with the City is that it isn't terribly family friendly in some roles.