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Original poster

Going back to work in Feb F/T and feel awful...

14 replies

EgonSpengler · 20/12/2011 12:58

Hi there,

Just after some words of support really. I work in the media and have recently been offered a job that's only for 7 weeks, but is totally full-time. We have a nursery place for our DD 3 days a week and then Grandma has very kindly agreed to look after her the remaining 2 days.

I would much prefer P/T work but have had trouble finding any. Good thing about the job is that it is a step up from what I was doing before I had BabyEgon. I've not been working for 2 years, so it's rare to get an opportunity to move up straight off the bat.

I know it's only for 7 weeks, but I feel absolutely sick about leaving our DD. Classic Mummies guilt. I'm truly worried that it will cause her issues. Please tell me I'm being a twonk. Thank you.

OP posts:

mrsbossyboots · 20/12/2011 13:03

Poor you, how old is DD? The anticipation is probably worse than the reality if it is just for 7 weeks. Imagine, warm cups of coffee, time to focus on one thing at a time...

jasminerice · 20/12/2011 13:06

7 weeks will fly by. You must take the opportunities when they arise.

Original poster

EgonSpengler · 20/12/2011 13:09

Thanks for your kindness mrsbossyboots. She'll be 17 months. She's a sociable little thing and very good natured - loves being with other children. I think you might be right. It doesn't help that the women in my family have all stayed at home with the children until they were at least 3. Yes, there is that...

OP posts:

Original poster

EgonSpengler · 20/12/2011 13:12

Thank you jasminerice. I sure you're right. Yes, I agree. It was as if an almost perfect opportunity fell in to my lap: a move upwards, enough time to sort out childcare etc... I'd have kicked myself if I'd let it go. I almost certainly wouldn't have been offered the step-up again without having to slog my guts out for a while.

OP posts:

mrsbossyboots · 20/12/2011 13:19

Don't judge yourself against others, you need to do what's right for you and your family.

Original poster

EgonSpengler · 20/12/2011 13:33

Very true. My DH is wonderful but I feel that I'm the one making our lives difficult by accepting this job. We doing okay (not in debt, able to afford food and rent), but we do need the money (can't afford to replace shoes with holes in, knickers with elastic gone etc...).

My hubby is a self-confessed lover of an easy life and he would gladly continue as we are so that he doesn't have to make any extra effort. It sometimes feels that now we have a DD everything that I did / ever was is expected to disappear and that I'll make do with a little job (not that I'm dissing that AT ALL) and mainly service my family.

All the DGP's have said that I should stay with her as the early years are so precious. I agree that they are, but bloody hell!

OP posts:

stressheaderic · 20/12/2011 13:40

In same boat as you, OP. My DD is 22 months. I've been working p/t but back to f/t in January as needs must, financially. Like you, we can pay the mortgage and put food on the table but no treats or luxuries or holidays at the mo.

DD will go to family 2 days and nursery 3 days (she loves nursery, has been going for a year and really loves it).

I'm dreading it, feel guilty on her, don't know how we'll cope with housework, cooking, appointments, and juggle work - but - other people do, and we will aswell.

The extra money will mean we can maybe go out for dinner sometimes, or I can actually start having my hair coloured again - and I hope little things like this will keep me going when it's one long hard slog.

I'm a teacher btw, and I really dislike my job at the mo, you sound as if the project you're going into will be enjoyable and fulfilling - so just remember, you get to finish a hot cup of coffee, go the loo in peace, have stimulating conversation and your child gets to spend time with lots of little friends and also her loving extended family. It's not forever, and you'll survive it. Good luck.

Erac · 20/12/2011 21:16

You are being a twonk, although I sympathize!

7 weeks will fly by. Sounds like a great opportunity for you and a little going-back-to work trial, which will help you and you family get your head around what work situation might work for you longer term. DD gets to spend some extra time with grandma and make some new little friends. Go for it. You'll get through it and if it gets hard, it'll all be over in a few weeks.

jasminerice · 20/12/2011 22:22

My DC's are now 5 and 8 and I remember agonising over any time spent away from them. I did spend the odd week away and they were and are absolutely FINE. Not damaged or scarred for life.

Take the brilliant opportunity you have been given and go for it.

Original poster

EgonSpengler · 21/12/2011 13:00

Thank you thank you thank you ladies! Your supportive words are much appreciated. I feel much better now. Couldn't sleep last night as I was worrying about who will give her her bottle and cuddle her before her nap .

stressheaderic - Hope it all goes well for you when you go back and that it isn't too much of a slog. When it's a difficult day don't forget that you can go out for tea / get your hair done / get a new dress and that your LO will look forward to seeing you. You're very right - I'll be able to have a conversation without being interrupted and climbed on!

Erac - Thank you! Yes, I'm hoping it'll give us an indication of whether we can cope in the longer term. Also hoping that something P/T might come out of it with the company I'll be working for.

jasminerice - Will do!! Thank you.

OP posts:

callmemrs · 21/12/2011 13:22

Some good advice here.
I'll add that you must ignore the grandparents when they tell you you 'ought' to be at home full time. Very rude of them to judge you like this.

And IME many of the older generation don't have clear cut black and white views on it anyway. Part of them may think that the mother ought to be home all the time because thats how it was in their day, but dig a little deeper and you'll often find there are underlying issues - envy that our generation of women have a lot more freedom and choice, and perhaps regret that they didnt have the opportunities to achieve what you can

Your dd will be fine and it will be a really good step back into the world of work

Oneof4 · 21/12/2011 16:45

Huge sympathy. I went back to work ft in September. The anticipation of going back was much, much worse than the reality - work is so busy that I hardly have time to think during the day.

This sounds like a big opportunity for you, and as others have said 7 weeks will be over before you know it. Hope it goes really well for you.

CultureMix · 22/12/2011 04:01

Go for it, absolutely, it's a great opportunity. And a good chance actually for your DH to appreciate a bit more what you do and start getting his head round the idea of you doing your own thing.

I would just add that 7 weeks is only really long enough to get into a new routine, so don't give up in the first 3-4 weeks as they're the hardest. Can Grandma possibly help out in the other 3 days in case your DD gets sick? as there's a good chance that will happen...

IslaDoit · 22/12/2011 04:24

At her age I expect nursery will do her the world of good. Do the DGPs worry about your husband missing her early years? Of course not so ignore that. No one loves their dad less than their mum because he went to work and she didnt and vice versa.

I bet you have a great time, dd has a great time and it's not forever so a win win all round.

Best of luck and enjoy your time at work doing things like weeing in peace, drinking hot drinks and perhaps slipping out to the gym or a shop for half an hour at lunch time.

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