ok-mumsnet view-should I go back or not?

[MissChief]

Sorry this is rather long and not exactly original in that I'm currently on mat leave with 6mth old baby (also ds1 about to go to school),and I've no idea what to do work-wise !
I'm due back in May, wondering if it's worth the hassle as:
1)dh works long hrs, sometimes away (though fortunately as main breadwinner is well-paid)
2)not certain what childcare to use - no close family anywhere near, can't afford nanny on my income alone, not overly keen on baby in nursery
However, I re-trained a few yrs ago (at substantial cost in terms of time & money) into management and still feeling not got much of a track record in what I do (2 yrs or so). I fear therefore that if I took a few yrs out I would not return to anywhere nr my current level of senior mgmt (but starting to wonder how much this wd bother me overall in terms of worklife balance..) My job is only 2 1/2 - 3 days a week so could be manageable and would help towards our sizeable mortgage.. I'm also interested in doing some p/t (non-vocational) study, purely out of interest but this would require a few hrs of childcare 1 day a week so if working this would be easily affordable but wd be further time away from my children.
If you've stuck with me this far, any thoughts/lessons learnt from yr own experience of going back or not??

pt work is fantastic. Sorry all sahm's who are happy with it but I was the one who dh found sobbing on the floor many days on my year's maternity leave and who couldn't get out of bed sometimes as I was so depressed.

pt work changed all that (no need for ad's) and I now love my time at home and like my job too - It's fantastic - but that is just me ! If you like being at home and can afford it obviously that is probably best for the kids BUT and this is a big BUT - don't assume that in several years you can take up your career easily again - you may have problems. If by working pt now you can maintain a career you want to maintain then do so - or you may regret it. You can always stop working if you find you hate it whereas getting this sort of job in a few years may prove very difficult after being a sahm.

I have a fairly senior positon in professional consultancy and I earn enough in three days to make working worthwhile. However I would do it even if I earned less just for my sanity.

BTW - when I was a sahm I went out often and met other mothers and did lots of things - I just hated being at home all the time. I can't explain why I just did.

NB- I have a fantasic childminder and that really helps

I work P/T 3 days a week, but about to give it up. I find it so stressful trying to combine family, work, cleaning, admin, all other household jobs. My kids are 4 and 2, so a bit older.

Final straw that broke the camels back - after seeing DS1 so tired after his first term at school I decided that I couldn't put him in holiday club in the summer holidays.

But I'd keep your p/t job, go back and see how it works out. You can always leave. Try a nanny share or childminder - think though nurseries can be great if you get the right one, one to one care is best for very little ones. Try sharing care advertised on home page or if you are in London you could try simplychildcare, or gumtree.com.

MissChief, I think you secretly want to stay at home but feel you need to justify yourself! I agree with Spidermama and Harpsichordcarrier, the pros of staying at home far outweigh the cons on your list.

I had your dilemma a couple of months ago and jacked in my job - had sleepless nights before making the decision, but now I've done it I know it was the right thing to do. You can make the money again later, but you can never get back that time with your baby.

I will go back to work, feeling part of the human race, as somebody has said, does help a lot to keep your sanity as a mum.

I don't have many friends with children and the few I have are either working or studying so they don't have much free time to "keep me some company" to do interesting things with the kids. So those three days I volunteer (have struggled a lot to go back to paid emploiment after a longish maternity leave)are really a life saver. I feel more relaxed after a few hours away from home, which is reflected positively in the relationship with DS, DH and other people.

Your pros list is all about it being a "good" thing to stay in teh job but it doesn't say whether you actually enjoy it or not.

I also think that although ultimately it is your decision, if dh doesn't want you to go back, you might need to get him onside if you do go back.

I don't know what job you are in but it is very difficult to get senior part-time work once you have been a SAHM. Generally, you are expected to go back full time or nothing at all (just have a look at work adverts - very few are for anything other than full time positions).

Personally, I would go back and if you really don't like it, hand in your resignation. But I would certainly give it a go before you make up your mind.

thanks all, still being ridiculously indecisive! If anything it's sorting out the childcare for school-age ds1 that's the worst nightmare!