17mo still not settling at nursery after 5 months

[PumpkinM]

My dd is nearly 17mo, and has been going to nursery one day a week since she was just over a year. I've just gone back to work this week, so she is now going three days. But she still isn't settled. She cries/shouts all day, won't join in activities and clings to her key worker. They never see her smile and laugh. At home she is a happy child, and seems well adjusted. She loves toddler groups and joins in, sings, dances etc - but when I am there with her.

I need to work, so really have to find a solution. Should I just persevere? Or move her to a childminder rather than a nursery?

Has anyone else had any similar problems with dc not settling at nursery?

She might be unsettled because of work so the change in routine has thrown her as it would anyway? DS gets like this whenever I have a break then go back to work again even when he has no change to his day.

How long has she been going for three days?

Iggly - she's been unsettled all along. I don't think that she has ever had a good day at nursery, so she was the same this week - her first three day week - as she was for the one day she went last week.

Perhaps I need to set a deadline, and if things don't improve, look for alterntive. Maybe she would settle in the home environment of a childminder?

In that case, yes take her out and try a CM.

DS settled into nursery two mornings a week after a few weeks.

I'd give it another week but start looking now anyway.

What have the nursery staff said?

The nursery have said that they are going back to basics with her and trying new things to help her settle eg activities with her and just one other child rather than the whole group, and meals at a smaller table, as they think that it is the noisy/busy atmosphere of 16 children that unsettles her. They think that three days a week will help her, as she will be more used to it as it will be a bigger part of her life.

I think I'll give it til Christmas, when she will be more used the the three days, and if things are no better move her to a CM in the New Year.

Good luck! I had wobbles with DS as first two weeks he wasn't happy but now he's a different child.

Move her.

I put my ds into nursery at about 11 months (though he didn't start proper until he was 13 months). I was never very happy about him being there, I had searched for ages and wasn't happy with much on offer locally and it was the best of a bad bunch... but there were lots of niggly things about it, although nothing "wrong" per se. Mainly he just didn't seem terribly happy. He did "settle" after about 5-6 months in that he stopped crying like a maniac going in there, but looking back, when he came out he seemed really quite stressed. I felt uncomfortable, but also a bit pfbish about it, as there was nothing "bad" about it..

Anyway, I work term time only so kept him off for a month in the Summer and it really occurred to me how different he seemed... he wasn't crying as much going down to bed, he was happier waking up in the morning, he was eating better. I had to go back to work, staying home wasn't an option I wanted to pursue, so we started to look for alternative childcare.

I found a newly opened local nursery where he started in September at 21 months. The difference was obvious almost immediately. It was a very small nursery with only 6 in the baby room, my son and another toddler with four smaller children. There were less facilities than in the larger nursery but it was much calmer and more relaxed and the attitude of the nursery was more relaxed e.g. I was allowed stay with him to settle him for much longer and felt more welcome.

He has only been there four months but it seems so much longer because he has been so, so much happier in that setting. He chats about "nurs-rye" every day at tea and toddles off smiling in the morning, he is so much more secure.

If you have ANY doubts just move your daughter.