prework wobbles - never left dd for long before

[reastie]

Just over a month until mat leave ends and am having the wobbles. I've not left dd before for long - max I've been away from her was 3 hours. I leave her once a week with my Mum for a couple of hours so I can do an exercise class.

I'm feeling about leaving her as it is, but then I've been worrying if I've never left her for long before how will she cope/adapt/feel when I go back at work and 3 times a week I'll leave her for 6 - 8 hours

Do babies just go with the flow or will she take a while to get used to this and have a wobble herself? Should I be trying to leave her for extended lengths of time now to get her used to it?

If it makes any difference my Mum, MIL and DH are all sharing baby duties when I'm back at work.

IME it really was not as bad as I was expecting. my DC barely notice when I'm away from them! (age 2 and 8 mths) and I'm at home full time at the moment. Did my KIT days last week and all was fine

I would say to build up to it if you're feeling iffy about it. Explain to your mum/DH etc how you're feeling and over the next month build up in steps. Could going to library and doing work related research be an option?

I'm a teacher planet . There are lots of paperworky planning prep I could do but requires lots of bits and pieces so would need to do it at home where all my bits are.My problem is I'm trying to hold onto the last of my mat leave so I don't want to leave her more than I have to until I actually return - if she won't be bothered by my return then I won't bother leaving her

Identify with that - I go back in march (FT) and my DS (2) needs to get used to PT nursery before I'm gone all day but I also on the other hand want to make the most of the time we have together.

Think all babies will vary on how they are when you first return to work but all the ones I know are happy.

Whatever you do don't spend the next month getting all worked up about it - I did this first time round and just gave myself needless heartache and then on my first day spent first 30 mins thinking "what am I doing - hope he is ok" then it just sort of clicked I got busy and it was like normal again, obviously missed him but the fretting died down.

As your family will be looking after your little one I think this will help you as well. You can ring mum/DH on your breaks in the first few days and get constant updates which is not so easy with nursery.

Being a teacher you will be kept more than busy enough

If she is happy being left with the people who are caring for her for 3 hours - then she will be fine for 6/8 hours - you could try a couple of longer days if you wanted to and if she was going to CM/nursery I probably would do but in your case I wouldn't worry too much -enjoy your last weeks of ML

She seems happy most of the time another with my mum aside from occasionally she gets overtired and mummy needy and she will then refuse solids and just cries and cries until I come home and bf her . With MIL it's a bit different as she tends to over excite and stimulate her. I admit I'm worried about that one as MIL has only looked after her on her own once and DD was a complete state after

Do you have a routine for her? I remember hating leaving DS for the first time with his nanny. I cried -I only went out for an hour I cried even more my first day back.

I ask about the routine because this (in my mind), made it easier for DS and me as he knew what was coming next and I knew that he was getting his naps etc.

You should instil the importance of the routine in your MIL etc - it's not like looking after her for a few hours, long term it will make a difference that she gets proper sleep etc etc. Perhaps you can have a few trial days where you fade away into the background and let them get on with it?

0k so certainly a couple of practice runs with your MIL then -

and yes a (loose) routine is good - I wrote it down and gave to carers - and things like if she does this then try this kind of things

TBH I think if you are concerned I would also investgage other opitions - CM/Nursery to have as fall back as well

Re: mil on the day she's in charge she will be taking dd to a baby class which dd and I have been going to for some time for the first few weeks. So hopefully the routine will work with play, snack, sleep, class, lunch. I'm hoping taking dd to a class will be better for dd than them on their own as dd can sleep in the car and it's might not be so full on one on one time with mil.

I'm so worried I'm going to cry at work in the middle of my classes

Oh reastie - once you back into it, you'll be fine. I promise. I was very upset on the way to work but once I got back, I was sucked in again (although did wonder how DS was).

I convinced myself I would be a gibbering wreck but the reality just was not what I'd imagined. Focus on the positives

Hi Reastie, just wanted to offer my support, I am also returning to work mid December and I am dreading it . My Sil is looking after DD and I have not really left her for any significant length of time before. I had ideas that I would start leaving her with Sil a little more before I went back but so far I seem to have found every possible reason not to - Oh how I wish I could be a SAHM!!!

Thanks all. I feel such a pathetic woman - I've spent the whole evening in floods of tears about going back to work and I still have 6 weeks to go! I'm not sure how I'm going to cope not only with leaving dd but also how I'm going to run the household, do the cleaning, do all my work I need to take home etc etc. I feel cheated as I always told dh I intended on being a SAHM. The job I'm in will be perfect in a couple of years or so when dd is at nursery and a bit older but for now I feel just awful. I'm making myself ill with stress and worry

Ohhh reastie, no please dont do this to yourself :(

Talk to DH or DM or maybe a friend who works and has DC.

Part of my job means I could have to leave my DC for six months :( now it should not happen for at least another 3 years but I dont know for sure, what I do know is if it comes to getting on the plane and I really cant do it.....then I really cant do it (dont intentd not to but I understand the world will not end) nobody can chain me to the plane! I will have to take the consequences that would come along with it and its vvv unlikely I would ever do it but thats how I have justified staying in my job. What Im trying to say is, if you go back to work and it really is that bad and you cant bear it....then thats it, you cant bear it and you be a SAHM (with whatever consequences there are in your situation) Its your life, nobody can chain you to the smart board :)

Get a cuddle of your DH, send him out for chocs and give yourself a break.

look - if you are working can you get a cleaner, all that kind of stuff -
and do you have to go back if you are getting that upset - that said there are lots of bonuses about working

Your DH will have to do his share too. Don't go down the road of doing all the chores etc! Not on IMO.

Your LO will be well looked after. I'm gathering he'll be with family. I just went back FT and I was bf and have no family nearby. I've never left my DD because I'm her milk bottle. But somehow we coped. And she's staying at nursery from 8-6. Like you say, your job will be perfect in a few years. It's just a hard few years pre-school. If you enjoyed your job previously, it's most likely you'll still enjoy it. Think about the financial security you can bring to the family for having a second income. And like others say, it seems you can afford to be a SAHM, so if it's that bad, then you can always quit and be one!

Can you afford a cleaner? Also get your DH to share some house work. For example, I get DH to dress and change DD's nappy in the morning, so there's one less thing I have to do before I leave for work.

Oh and I get my groceries online so I can just enjoy my DD in the weekends, instead of trying to get the housework done.

Thanks guys. I already do shopping online lilham

I'm really hoping that once I'm in a routine things will be fine. I don't know if I'm more upset at the thought of me leaving her and how I'll cope or the thought of how she will be without me. I expect she'll have a great time without me

I think I find it especially hard as I used to work part time pre preg and being a teacher consumed me as a full time occupation - I did alot more prep with than I needed to as I'm a perfectionist . I had everything down to a tee just how I wanted it done. My supply has been quite relaxed compared to me and students will be in bad habits from her. I also return to 2 very tricky classes of students which TBH the supply has given up on and once they have turned ferrel in lessons over a period of time in a subject it's very hard to bring them back. So I can't just gently ease myself back in - the students can smell it when you are weak so I have to go in all guns blazing

My DD is feeding twice between 8-6. I'm lucky enough to be able to feed her during the day as she's a bottle refuser. But when she was sick a wee back, I've gone a whole day without feeding her until very late at night when I got hold of a pump. I leaked a bit and felt quite full. But I've always been a bit leaky and still sleep with breast pads. You'd be fine if you have good breast pads (and spares too).

ann I will give barely any fixed routines to DM other than lunch, but with mil she needs to be given a routine it's easier if I do