How do full time working parents of primary school aged children cope?

[heaven17]

Youngest has just started school full time so I am considering returning to work.
Part of me feels uneasy about it as I am still really quite involved with school. Lots of parent cake sales, plays etc still happen during the day. I also seem to be quite frequently having to go to school to take to doctors or to collect at short notice when they are ill.
Plus there is the school holidays to allow for. Factoring in cost of childcare I will be lucky to break even in the holidays.
How do you manage?

I was the fund raiser for my little girls pre-School I was very involved everyday with lots of things and then when I started to work I had to step right back to the stage when I do almost nothing. It has been hard but I still manage to drop her off every morning. I have put in place a selection of after school groups and activities that she does and now when I am off and go down to the school to collect her her hates it!!

I really believe that this is harder on me than it is on her!!

I feel the guilt and the stress about not doing enough - she just goes to dance class or gym....

With difficulty tbh. I only work 3 1/2 days and DS1 has to go to breakfast club and after-school clubs 3 days a week - if I did work full-time, it would have to be 5 days a week

DH works away a lot (though when he is not away, he works from home which is great!) but we have no family nearby so it is just down to us 2.

Holidays - we split them between us and generally just have 1 week off together in the summer holidays - it still leaves about 4 weeks to cover which we use school holiday club, sports camp and a week with grandparents. I do hate the fact that me and DH can only have 1 week off together in a whole year - tis pretty rubbish but life unfortunately.

It does cost but as my 2 DC have been in nursery 4 days a week since they were both under 1, school is actually cheaper so it doesn't seem that bad (in fact, I am counting down the months till Ds2 starts school )

Childminder before and after school and for school holidays. We also used to take some of our annual leave at different times so we weren't having to pay childcare for the full summer hols.

We both worked Before the children were at school though, so frankly we were grateful that it didn't cost as much.

It's bad enough working full time, having a cat and occasionally getting him to the vets!

God knows how people cope with children! Think you stay home and enjoy them or knuckle down, go to work and miss out on the vast majority of activities. Some women can do this. I worked with someone who had a little boy who went to private school. After school he went to her parents for tea. She then picked him up, drove 45 minutes home, gave him a bath and put him to bed. I can remember the poor little mite coming in to work one day for an hour or so and her barking at him to be quiet because 'she had work to do'. He was like a little church mouse.

I personally couldn't do that but we are all different.

Hope someone comes along with a better solution for you.

x

I know loads of people who work full time- or nearly and have primary school age children they seem to manage - I think it helps if you (and your DH) have flexiable employers - actually that makes big difference if doesn't all fall on you. A good network of other mums can also help and some family help -eg having them in the holidays for a bit also is good

Termtime is ok - i do the school run 2 days and DH does 2 and his mum 1. Holidays are a pain. Everything is planned to the last detail. But the kids don't mind at all

Good wraparound care (ours is through the school) and an employer who doesn't mind the odd bit of flexibility (eg go to the school play once a term but work late to make up for it).
School holidays to be covered by each of us taking our leave at different times, and sourcing good but cheap play schemes (£12 a day each here!)

Thats a very negative view from banana- 'either stay at home and enjoy your children' or 'knuckle down to work and miss out on the majority of activities'!

How about a 3rd option 'organise good quality childcare and get on and enjoy your children and your work'!

Ok, it may be a feat of organisation but part of the enrichment of life is living it to the full- not feeling you can't do something perfectly normal like have a job, simply because it involves some planning and organisation. Don't be put off by the negative vibe op! And remember,childcare costs drop as each child grows up, and you'll be left with a good work life which you've invested in over the years, rather than being left with an empty nest and empty life

I think banana is being factual not negative.

I've had to give up work because with three kids in reception and under, I wouldn't even break even if I went back to (relatively well-paid) work :(

I am enjoying spending time with the children but it's not something I feel I've had any choice about (other than 'choosing' to have three so close together before any flame-throwers tell me it's my own doing - which I'm well aware of :))

I've always had au pairs so my children don't miss out on activities/playdates etc. also reasonably priced compared to nannies etc.

I miss out on the cake sales etc but don't mind that. I manage to go to activities that are after drop off time in the morning, but not the ones in the afternoon.

school holidays are a juggling act involving different clubs, grandparents, au pairs and taking leave!

Banana has not mentioned the positive effects of working full time or the negative ones of being a sahm so her opinion is not a balanced view!

I work full time and use breakfast and after school clubs most days (they love it).

However they certainly do not act like church mice. Any ideas on how I achieve this please?

When you work out if you can "afford" to go back to work, count the whole year, not just the school holidays, as many parents who don't "break even" in school holidays make up for it in term time. Also consider the childcare element of tax credits, or childcare vouchers, which take some of the sting out of childcare costs.
We save a bit on childcare by DH working 7-4 and me working 9-6, I drop off DCs at school, and he picks them up.

I have 2 dc's 9 & 17. Obviously older dc is ok and does help out but only occasionally. I use after school club I' m able to do the morning school run. Holidays are a mix of leave, grandparents, my daughters friends mum and I had a brill holiday club but it shut after the last summer hols. I'm divorced ex does no childcare. Ex mil usually does Friday school pick up and Fridays during the hols. It's a case of being organised and I'm lucky in that I do get a lot of free childcare.

Childminder and after school/holiday clubs, so you have to factor in the costs of these. Also you will find it very difficult (if not impossible) to make friends with other parents or arrange play datesunless you do things at weekends. On the other hand your kids will also make friends with other children at childminder's and clubs that they wouldn't ordinarily meet.

As far as illnesses go then both parents have to be prepared to take leave or you have to save your leave up to ensure you have enough to cover any sick days.

Being a full time working parent means that you also have to get used to organising things much earlier, its very difficult to be spontaneous.

I miss out on some activities by working ft, but my children don't - the advantage of an au pair is that they still get to go to ballet/gym etc, they also get to go to playdates and chill out in the park or in front of the TV after school. I'm home by 6 and am happy to miss out on these things in order to feed my children and pay the rent. I agree banana isn't at all presenting the whole picture.

I also have very flexible employers who allow me to work from home up to 2 days a week and come in late/go home early if necessary. The downside of that is that I've sacrificed some salary (and possibly future prospects).

I am undecided about whether to go back to work or not (see my other thread), but I have an interesting perspective because I have spent the last two years being a childminder, mainly so I could earn a bit of money but not have to use one myself! Personally I'm a bit of a softie when it comes to my own DD and DS, I never felt able to work full time while they were really little. I would only use the after school club if they actually enjoyed it. As a family we have foregone potential income and I have only ever worked part time and been a childminder so that I can be there for them. But what I believe I have gained is a very strong bond with my children, now 9 and 5.

For the moment I'm enjoying being at home and pondering setting up my own business, with a view to working 9.15 - 3.15 each day and not working at all during the holidays or when there is an event (sports day, nativity etc).

How do we cope? 2 jobs in which when not somewhere for meetings we work from home, a large degree of (informal) flexibility, after school care, holiday clubs, grandparents, and missing a fair amount of (but not all) cake sales (who cares) PTA-type meetings (ditto), plays (yes I do care), matches (I care, but only because every other child appears to have one or more parents there ), and concerts (I definitely care, and so do the DC).

OTOH we live comfortably and I enjoy my work and the DC accept (to some extent) that Mummy's work is as important as Daddy's.

I think it's very hard when employers do not offer flexibility although there are plenty that do and that's how a lot of people cope.

For men or women, being well established and reasonably high up in a company also comes with some advantages which can be being able to work from home on occasion, or work more flexibly in general as you are not as "clocked in and out" and more target driven. It also comes with huge amounts of stress though so you need to be able to manage that as an individual and not let it take over your whole life (hard at times). This is especially true in large corporates.

However this is not true in all sectors, I believe it is very hard for some City Workers where there is more of a macho culture or professions like hospital consultants where working from home etc is not really an option obviously!

"Good childcare. Flexible working practices (ie, being able to work from home).
Good relationship with my employer. They have invested in me and I in them therefore there is give and take"

Anniemac makes the point - I had flexible working practices with a previous employer and good childcare, it was never an issue for my son whilst he was growing up. He is now a teen so we do discuss this.
However following time at home I started working with a new company and I don't have that flexibility due to a female boss (who doesn't have children) and insists that no one has flexibility. This makes working full time almost impossible.

I work 8.15 -5.15 and I'm a single parent to 2 DCs

I used the breakfast and afterschool club which is on site

after school activities at school then ASC will take them

I run brownies on Monday night which DD2 attends and DD1 goes to guides on Thursday nights

they can go to their friends afterschool if they are invited and I pick them up from there instead of ASC

I get 6 weeks holiday a year but can only take 2 in the school hols (I work bank hols so these are tagged on to my annual leave)

when I have holidays during term time I will let them have friends over

school holidays I juggle holiday club and grandparents

I manage, they don't miss out (I don't get to see assemblies but can usually book a holiday day for plays etc, and if I can't go then their GPs do) and I am setting my girls a brilliant example of working for a living rather than sitting on my bum and claiming benefits (which I would be £10 a week better off on)

I use an after school club, which also provides holiday cover for some weeks of the holidays.
I'm busy, but tbh its mainly to do with my childrens activities. I generally try to pick them up as early as possible, but have to remember the days that they are doing particular activities within the after school club, as they get annoyed if they miss anything. They also have clubs that they do in the evenings, so a lot of rushing about to accomodate it all!

Most things at my DD's school that need parental involvement happens at evenings or weekends, so that means that Im able to do that too, which is great as it means that I have a feel for what is happening at the school.