How to rise above a passive aggressive colleague?

[BerylStreep]

I'm tired, so will add to my OP tomorrow, but basically I have a colleague who is really passive aggressive. She is the same grade as me, and works in the same Department, but within another unit.

Due to restructuring, I took over her role last year as well as my existing role, when she moved to a different role (she applied for the other role). She refused to do a handover, so I had to learn the role from scratch.

This week alone I have had to address 2 separate issues with her - she asked a member of my team to go to a meeting on her behalf, on the staff member's day off, without any reference to me; the second issue - I have the lead on a particular subject area, and I have discovered that she has been duplicating / undermining the work I do in this area without my knowledge. I have e-mailed her in relation to both issues, and have received very stroppy responses. I have suggested that we need to meet to discuss communication / responsibilities, which she has ignored. I have copied her line manager into e-mails, but her DH is very senior within the organisation, so she has a bit of a free reign, and picks and chooses what she does, and I think her line manager is therefore reluctant to challenge her.

The examples above are just that, only examples, this is an ongoing issue (i.e. over 5 years), and I think there are a number of factors. I think she is very competitive and jealous (I am aware of difficulties she has had with others), and feels threatened that I have been able to subsume her role into mine with ease; I am significantly better qualified than she is; word is that she is struggling to perform in her new role; and I think she is resentful that I have young children and she hasn't been able to have children (sad though this, it's not my fault. Her behaviour towards me saw a very marked negative change when I was pregnant and returning from ML).

I think that the biggest thing that needs to change is my mindset about this. I think that a lot of what she does is done to wind me up, and it works.

How can I disengage?

You could start making notes about the variety of people she is pissing off, and see if there is any dynamic you can make use of. Take particular interest in the grade of people: it sounds as though she is undermining those above you and bullying those below you. Those above you have a duty to protect the interests of those below you, and could welcome the chance to use complaints (e.g. from person asked to go to meeting on day off) to bolster their confrontation with her. It's unlikely she is stepping on just your toes, so a concerted effort, showing her interference in all levels of the organisation would be the kind of pattern that management simply cannot ignore.

Any good as a strategy?

If there is no one above you who would be willing to properly challenge her then my best advice is to be very nice to her.

I had a situation when I was working directly with a passive-aggressive colleague. She came to me with a huge list of complaints within a fortnight of me starting in the organisation, wanted to reorganise the working environment for the one day a week she was there, wouldn't carry on handed-over tasks, you name it.... It all came to a head and we had a meeting with a manager (who had experienced previous problems with that person - there were others in the organisation who refused to work with her), but my colleague blatently lied in the meeting and I didn't feel that my manager supported me. My colleague was even worse after that and scored points until the day I left.

To be quite honest, confronting the situation wasn't worth it. If I came across that situation again, I would probably take quite a different approach.

There were huge issues of jealousy. I had a management post, was younger, married and, the final straw, became pregnant. She was single, in her forties and had ducked off the career ladder but resented the fact that she should have been on it. I feel now that somwhere underneath was a talented, sensitive and pleasant person who had become hugely embittered by the situation in which she found herself.

kitty , you're probably better off starting a new thread.

Anyway, go for it if your ego can take it. Nothing to be lost by having a bash at applying and you may get the role you want but if you find you get down because of rejections (and at the moment even amazing candidates won't find a job easily) then give it a break then try again.