does anyone elses's dh/dp flit in and out of jobs?

[helsi]

can you tell me how you cope? what are the main reasons for them chaging so often etc? Possible problem with Dh new job and he's only been there since Sept. Has had 7 jobs in as many years.

helsi, my dh has had more jobs than hot dinners! He has just lost a job just before Christmas (ironically through no fault of his own this time). I always knew he was a bit of a flibbertigibbet when we met and when the dds were very young I used to get very stressed about it all. But tbh I don't let it get me down nowadays - mainly because he suffered serious depression for about four years (finally went on ad's in the summer) which nearly drove us apart. Now I've got my old dh back I'm much more concerned about whether he is happy than how much money he is bringing in (or not).

He is a very intelligent guy who, if his life had taken a different turn many years ago, would probably be a successful barrister by now. But it didn't work out that way and tbh he just doesn't like working day in, day out, gets bored easily and looks around for something different to do. Consequently he is almost always on the "bottom rung". But tbh I am just the same (in terms of getting bored and changing jobs), and so were/are my mum and dad, so I do understand it.

Sorry, probably not helpful/what you want to hear!

I just feel so alone. I have a job I have been in since I was 17 and my mum and dad were in the same line of work and so I know that they are always judging and thinking that it is best for the family to be secure like they were. I am worrying about money as he has been called in to see new boss tomorrow in a job he's been in since only sept and I am worrying how will will manage. additionally I think the more jobs and short term ones you have on a CV the more likely you are to be unsuccessful in other applications.

no, but he earns peanuts

I'm sorry you're having a rough time, helsi - it must be very worrying for you, particularly if you find his whole attitude slightly alien. Why do you think he does it - is he lazy/irresponsible, or does he naturally flit from one thing to another? Dh is like this at home too.

For me the stress was lifted in a huge way when we downsized and moved to Scotland, out of a mortgaged house and into a rented one. That way I always knew that even if he was out of work, we wouldn't lose our home. Again, probably not what you want to hear - sorry. I gave up trying to change dh years ago.

i quit stressing and accepted the responsibility for many things in our lives. it's saved me much worry.

Yes, he's technically self employed, and will work for a firm for a few months to "keep me happy", even though he hates it! Doesn't actually earn much when he works for himself .

I've accepted that poor and happy is better than slightly more money, and miserable.

Until I had the children I worked in a regular job (10 years) and supported us, and even 6 years later, he doesn't earn what I did. I find the irregular income a worry still, but have accepted that if I want to be at home while the children are small then I have to live with it.We alway find the mony from somewhere.

Miaou I don't know why it happens I suppose tis time we will have to see what happens at the meeting tomorrow. Usually it is that he wants a better paid job. thinking about it he does seem to get bored easily. Maybe this isn't what he thought it would be. He will be home any minute so will have a talk to him.

My dh seems to need to move on every 4 years or so, which compared to me (12 years and clocking up) feels a bit like flitting. He's heading for mid-forties now, so he's been doing this a while, and it does feel unsettling sometimes.

But his changes are basically his own initiative - he takes jobs where there's a project to be done, he does the project, he "makes himself superfluous" [quote], gets bored, then finds himself another project a bit more challenging than the last one. Both his parents are writers and I should think it's exactly the process they go through with each book.

I suspect he might have been more materially successful by now if he had stuck to one outfit and done the expected climb, but on the other hand that would have squished all the imagination, most of the energy, and definitely all the alternativeness out of him. Which would have been worse than sad.

So I guess it completely depends on who's in control of the job-changing, and why: so in our case, it's all dh's (quite dynamic) gameplan and the effect is a somewhat more "interesting" life, with occasional sort of stage-fright bits but no real sacrifice.

But it doesn't sound as if that would describe your situation, helsi? How does your dh see his job changes?

have asked him and he says he has not had many job changes for a chef. this new job is in recruitment of that industry and he is having trouble with targets - finding them hardbto meet.

Hi helsi

I know that Miaou has given you her side of the story of our experience, I just thought it may be worth me giving my perspective, and thoughts about your and DH's situation

If he enjoys being a chef, then he should get out of recruitment!! That is one of the toughest sales jobs in a tough industry. No matter how well he does the job in recruitment he will always struggle to meet target. That is how recruitment works, the target is always slightly ahead of your comfort zone. It takes a particular type of person to work happily in that industry.

I guess that the hours are probably better than he would get in most Chefs jobs? But does he enjoy dealing with people? The two jobs - recruitment and being a chef - are just total opposites.

In terms of career profile, changing jobs fairly frequently is not a huge problem in catering. Most people seem to do it. Eventually he may find a job which really suits, but many never do.

If as I suspect he gets bored easily he may like to look at working for an outside catering company. Or temping. Both options can provide an interesting range of challenges, but plenty of variety too; and often can provide very regular employment. If he is someone that needs to have regular breaks from work then they can both provide a way of achieving that whilst still giving you the comfort of a "regular" job.

As Miaou said I have been in and out of more jobs than you would care to know, a brief listing of job types will give you an idea:

bank clerk, soldier, waiter, restaurant manager, bar man, bar manager, chef, insurance sales, software sales, IT Consultancy, IT support, Software Engineering...

There are more, but you get the idea. I am afraid that I have never had what you might call a "work ethic". Some people seem to value themselves in terms of their work, others like me - and possibly your DH value their families and lives far more highly. Provided we have sufficien money coming in to feed, clothe and house us then I am happy.

Don't know if that helps at all...

thanks MrMiaou that helps a great deal.

I used to be uncomfortable with the fact that dp's line of work allows him to walk out of one job one day, and sort out another one within the week! I've always had to apply, wait for an interview, give a months notice etc, so the casual approach really scared me at first!

I got used to it eventually, although dp is now more settled with his own business.