Ignored at work for being part-time.... advice needed pre meeting with boss tomorrow

[indonesiarocks]

I have been back at work a year post mat leave and hate my job.

I work 3 days a week which is great for me but my boss keeps telling me he can't give me interesting or big projects with a lot of responsibility because i am 3 days a week. He has asked me to go full time and i said no which pi**ed him off. He often asks me to come in for meetings on days when i don't work and i say no. I can't go in even if i wanted to as i have no childcare for DS when he's not in nursery.

Over the past 3 months things have got a lot worse. Boss always cancels my one to ones, never replies to my emails and is basically ignoring me. He is constantly in meetings so i can't have a quick chat with him either. I have hardly anything to do which in theory sounds good but in reality is so dull and i am getting concerned about my career as i am not learning anything at the moment.

I am feeling really down about it. I know i have chosen to work 3 days but i don't think this should mean i am basically ignored.

I have a meeting with him this week and want to address this situation head on and be given some more responsibility. I sent an email to him last week basically saying (in a more articulate and positive way) "here are some projects i would like to lead, lets discuss next week" but he hasn't responded.

I am very bored and feel very isolated and very f**ked off with my boss for treating me differently to all the full timers. He says he "can't support my career if i'm only prepared to work 3 days"....

I am not very confident and am worried he'll bulldoze me in this meeting.

Please can i have some practical advice from you strong ladies out there (even if it's just to wear red for power in the meeting!!)

Well..... on the positive side he has moved so far away from the law that you have the upper hand (even though he won't see this).

On the negative side, someone acting so much like a dinosaur isn't going to shift his behaviours without being forced to by someone much higher up the food chain.

I would work out how practically you can lead a project without the fact that you are part time affecting the success of the project, and put this down in writing. Shove it under his nose and ask him exactly where he disagrees with it. If he is putting up barriers then you need to be pro-active on your side in knocking them down.

I am pretty sure he will just throw his arms up in the air and say something to the effect that it isn't worth upsetting the client (or whatever) when he has full-time people who he can place on these projects, or something equally dismissive, but it is vital that you go through this process.

Assuming you get knocked back, you need to take this to the next level. write a list out of all your issues. This needs to be factual and in date order and you need to list out all the crap he's been saying and doing.

eg:-
Wed 1/6: asked X for new work and he told me he couldn't support my career until I went back to 5 days a week.
Mon 5/8: New project came in but I wasn't considered for it, no explanation given,
Wed 6/9: Important meeting arranged by X for Thursday and told my attendance required even though X fully aware that I would be unable to make this meeting because of part time hours. X refused to move meeting

etc, etc, right up to tomorrows' meeting where you also list out how you presented him with case showing your capability to manage projects and he refused to listen.

you then need to go to either his boss or HR and present them with this list, telling them that you are well aware that you are being discriminated against on account of your part time status, here is the evidence, and can they please let you know how they propose to deal with it in order to avoid the need for you to raise a formal grievance.

Even the brief details you have listed here are enough to sink your boss. Unfortunately this kind of behaviour is very common (what is less common is when the perpetrators are so thick that they openly admit they are discriminating against you), but that doesn't mean you should put up with it.

TBH I don't think there is any way of addressing the issue without walloping your boss at the same time, given he seems so entrenched in his views.

Although your boss does sound a nightmare it also sounds like you don't have any flexibilty with days etc which may well cause practical problems with you running projects which cannot entirely be ignored.

I went back 3 days a wk for 1st year after ml and also had no flexibility as had 3 day nursery place. Even though I am lucky
to have a supportive boss there were a number of opportunities I missed out on because I couldn't be there for an important client meeting (which couldn't be rearranged) or court hearing (I'm a lawyer).

I felt stuck with the boring stuff and was pretty fed up. So what I've ended is going to 4 days/wk and taking a full time nursery place (though obv only take my son on days I'm working). This means I can
offer flexibility to change my day off at short notice to be able to make meetings/deadlines etc. That has made a huge difference to the type of work I can take on (and know I will be able to give it the necessary time/commitment without having to rely on colleagues too much). Ok it's not such a good balance in terms of time with Ds but it is a huge improvement career wise - though I am looking forward to next ml in a few months time!

Of course that solution may not suit you but what I'm saying is although your boss is not approaching it properly there may be genuine reasons why it's difficult for you to have more interesting work/lead projects etc and if you can approach that from his point of view and offer constructive solutions (and follow the meeting up with an email summarising the discussion so you have it in writing) then he will find it harder to say no - or to justify the no when you go above him if necessary.

Hth - sadly I don't think there is an easy solution to these problems.

Good luck!

thanks for the responses. Some good advice ladies.

Lindsell - i have also thought about going 4 days but there are a lot of mums at my work who do 4 days and they all get a full time job which means they work evenings, weekends to do the hours and get paid less so on balance you're better off doing full time... I have considered this but i know i would be miserable as I want to be the one bringing up my son....

There are definitely projects i can do do in 3 days and i have outlined these to him in my email before our meeting. He's just soooo anti part time and has said things like "why do i have to manage all the part time people", "i don't believe in part time work" etc etc and many other outdated stuff. He has asked me "why don't you just get a nanny so you can be more flexible about the days you work"? but on my salary it would be pointless having a nanny. (BTW my contract is mon/tue/wed anyway)....

You are right though Lindsell it does make you miserable when you go from being a high flyer to being on all the dull projects :(

Would appreciate anymore advice anyone has!

p.s squiffy i am definitely going to use your tips - thank you

This is quite common IME. And I work in the public sector which is supposed to be outwardly supportive of flexible / part time working.

It helped when I increased my hours to 4 days, and it became obvious that I wasn't going to have any more children (I think boss was worried I was about to go off on mat leave again).

No advice really, just sympathy.

The alternative being...?

IME those who don't tackle it head on end up getting very, very stressed. OP has stated that she is finding whole situation awful at moment so I don't see any alternative other than tackling it?

Didn't mean to sound rude, by the way.

yeah, it is horrible.

I am going to try the positive, proactive approach with my boss but if i don't get anywhere then i'll have to take it elsewhere.....

Janiston - nice thought and that is where i have been going but there are two things concerning me now:

1. Bonus - I have traditionally earned 25% of my salary in bonuses. With no clear deliverables I will not get a bonus.
2. CV - I am learning nothing..... Literally nothing!

I would definitely not do 4 days - women throughout my company get shafted like this.

Boss hasn't even acknowledged the note i sent last week in prep for our one-to-one with details of my suggestions for projects... and janiston - i am being unfailingly nice. literally. it is so fake and i hate it!

oops, the post above was me! i namechanged at the start of the thread just incase there were lurkers... i'm not very good at this am i!

have you thought about splitting your days rather than doing a block? You could do mon, weds, fri and therefore not be out of the office more than one day at a time which makes it much easier to pick up on things as they come in and react to them. I work mon, weds, thurs and found requesting this helped my case when asking to go part time after I originally went back from ML.

I am almost certain he is not answering your emails because he is consuting with HR.

Make careful writen records of every phone call and meeting. Keep copies of all emails.

This amounts to constructive dismissal as well as discrimination.

Ninja - I have thought about splitting and would be happy to if i could arrange nursery and it meant a good job. The only reason i do a block is because my last (female and mum of 1) boss let me choose my days because "i know you'll get the job done so i don't mind which days you come to work". God she was a revelation. (and she left as she never saw her DD)

It's a good 'compromise' to bring to the table in a discussion i guess.

morebeta - i don't think he is consulting with HR as i can see his calendar on my screen and his PA is one of my best mates... BUT i could be wrong....

Janiston thanks for the off the record HR/Fellow mum advice!

We have our meeting tomorrow so i am just preparing for it now. Main thing I'm concerned about is that i'll bottle it in the meeting and become all submissive. He has a way of looking at me like i am stupid and i want to really be a strong confident woman!!! power dressing tomorrow for a start!

BTW - i am alone in the office today to no-one can see me on mumsnet!!

thanks janiston

he's a bit of a dwarf (the worst ones always are!) so i will tower over him! haha!

Role-playing is a good idea. i have written a lot of points for discussion. I want to approach it really positively but not end up being a doormat. I am very well respected and have a great career history at my company (i know that makes me sound like a total arse but it is true) so it's not like i am some kind of difficult employee.

Fingers crossed.... i cannot take anymore of this.... and i need a bonus this year!!

Hi janiston

after reading lots of 'confidence tips' online i refused to be fobbed off (he did try and cancel the meeting).

i went in thoroughly prepared and the long and short of it is that i am moving to another team with a new boss. she's a mum of 3 who works part time and is very senior and keen to help my career development so that is really good news. The projects are in a new area which will be interesting so all in all it turned out ok.

In reality he just moved the problem away so clearly he is a crap manager and not worth his huge salary but fortunately for me i no longer have to deal with him!

i have no doubt that it would not have been so positive without the wise words of advice from mumsnet so thank you ladies

Just found this thread. Congratulations on your great escape!

It sounds as if it's all come together nicely. He probably thinks he's done well to get shot of you but you're the winner here

Start planning on how to spend that bonus!