Going back to work FT (5 days per week)

[JenniferR]

Hi everyone

Just wondered if there are any mums out there who have gone back to work FT who wouldn't mind sharing with me how this feels. How do you manage all the cooking, house work etc on top of work......

I'm due to go back in January when my little girl is 8.5months. My heart already aches at the thought, but I do feel lucky to have a job to go to! I really want to be able to provide a happy life for my little girl and this means my working FT (I'm the main earner), however I worry that I may become quite down and sad at being back.

Although I enjoy my job, while I have been away there have been some massive changes. My team have been really overstretched with a new IT system that went so badly it actually made headlines in the local papers. I have been told that my cover has just been networking and trying to get a permanent job. It also looks like they may get the new developments from my role that the new system brought to create a new role for them (despite my doing a lot of the ground work on this before I left).

I offered to do some KIT days and they took 2.5months to get back to me. This means that I can only do 2 half afternoons. I have received no information or agenda on what I'm doing on these afternoons and have also not received any information on return to work meetings (other than communications I have initiated). In my absence 2 new members of staff have been appointed into my team (I'm the manager) to cover maternity leave for other staff and I have not been informed on who they are (other than an email from HR asking for a reference for an internal candidate). Is all of this normal???

Okay- this is a bit of a sprawling message, but as you can see I'm quite anxious/confused/slighty ga ga about it all . Any tips advice reassurance etc greatly recieved.

Thanks mums.

It ALWAYS seems worse in advance than it is. Do you have good childcare sorted? That is most important. Babies just starting nursery also pick up every bug going so you need a back up plan in place. I worked from home a bit in the early days. My dd started nursery at 6 months and was always very happy there. She left, aged 2, when we moved abroad and picking her up on the last day was the MOST upsetting part of the whole experience - my job/house was nothing as hard as taking her away from her friends and the lovely staff.

RE. the house - get a cleaner if you can afford it. Even a couple of hours a week. If none of you are in during the day, the house doesn't get untidy. Otherwise, one cooks, one washes up/tidies kitchen and load dw. Stick a load of washing in in the morning and tumble dry/hang up in the evening. Online shopping is your friend. Share the housework and ironing at the weekend if you can't afford the cleaner.

If you havent got one, get a dishwasher. It really does save time.

Remember that it isnt a competition. Good enough really is good enough. Practical clothes for nursery - you arent there to enjoy them so dont bother with high fashion! When DD was small I took her to the childminder in her pyjamas with clothes in a bag.

If you can, make sure that you have plenty of clothes for you all. This way you arent spending every evening running around in a panic getting clothes washed and ironed. Make a habit of getting things laid out and packed the night before.

Look at ways to save time but also stress. DD1 was a terrible traveller, car sickness on the shortest journey. Problem helped by warning the nursery and DD taking her breakfast in with her to eat when she felt better.

Dont worry, as Putrifyno said, it is worse in the anticipation than the actuality!

Just heading back to work FT next week after 3rd mat leave....

Get good, reliable childcare. We have a nanny which as I have 3 kids works well. She does little errands for us as well and often cooks extra so we can eat it later!!

You need a back up if your dc is ill and can't go to childcare if at a nursery. And your dc will get ill- a lot.

Online grocery shopping is fantastic. If u have a smart phone do it in your phone in your lunch break.

Put washing in in the morning or put on at night and hang up before you go to work.

If you can afford it get a cleaner for a few hours so you can spend the weekend enjoying your dc.

Always have your bag/clothes etc sorted the night before.

Always carry wetwipes - you will always find sticky something on your suit jacket just as you get to work!!!

I found my slow cooker a great help - but it does depend if you're a morning person or not! I get up before everyone else to grab a quiet cup of coffee, washing on, maybe do the odd admin task (pay bills etc), shower. It just makes me feel more in control for the day. As I say, only works if you're a morning person naturally, I can't do a thing in the evenings.

I agree it does seem worse in advance. I was very tired the first week but quickly found the rhythm.

If all else fails, think of the hot cups of tea/coffee you'll be able to drink and lunch. I had to remind myself not to gobble because I kept expecting to be interrupted!

Thanks everyone for tips. Sounds like being super organised is the key. We just bought a slow cooker so am going to experiment a bit before I go back.

I'd love to get a cleaner but just not sure we can afford it. My husband also seems to be really against this as an idea. My mum had a cleaner when we were growing up and it helped her out loads. Will investigate!

I have a nursery lined up which seems great and in-laws/husband may be able to assist with sickness etc- that is yet another thing to worry about! :)

I totally admire all of you with more than 1 child who manage it all- sounds like you're doing a super job.

Do remember that it's still easier for work to bring you back into the fold than get a brand new person up to speed. Understand your concerns about your cover, it does sound though like there's enough work to go round for everyone and once back you'll be able to judge better how things really are. Don't act hastily in the first days though, wait to build up an overall picture. I found it took me about 3 months to feel back on top of things (I took 10-11 months leave twice). Funny how some things haven't changed at all and others completely.

I too had very little info on what was happening at work while on leave. Overall I found people do cut you some slack as they know you've been away, they're not going to expect you to be 100% up from day one. And those who have kids do understand.

Getting into the new routine does take a few weeks, it will get better but watch for those early bugs... in fact for DS1 I had to ring my boss on my first day back to say really sorry but can't make it, baby's sick from settling-in session the previous week .

I agree with everything CultureMix said, especially the taking 3 months to settle in. It is in those months that a lot of women give up or feel really down but if you stick to it it does tend to get better.

I also agree - as this was also my experience - that babies in nurseries tend to get a lot of bugs - mine were certainly ill a lot in the first year of being at nursery - but generally by the time they are 2+ that settles down quite a bit!

You will also find more comfort in the fact that at that age they start to really enjoy nursery as they can go outside more, and socialise etc...

I would also second the idea of a cleaner - I only have one once a fortnight, which makes it cheaper but it still helps hugely, as I found I was spending Saturdays carting children around activities/visiting inlaws etc and Sundays just cleaning and tidying. Now I can spend Sundays enjoying the children!

One last piece of advice I have is to take one small step at the time. I used to think "it's only 6 weeks/10 weeks to my next holiday" so it all seemed a bit more manageable when the going got tough. Good luck, it feels more daunting before than when you are actually busy getting stuck in. Let us know how it goes!

Just wanted to say you are not alone in feeling the way you do. I am due back full time at the beginning of Dec. Dreading it too. Love my job but anxious about how my son will cope in childcare, how i'll keep on top of things and how i'll cope with my workload. I'm going back to a bit of a mess as no one was put in post to cover my mat leave. The management part of my job was split between four different people. Consequently there are a huge number of tasks which have not been done. Spoke to my boss a few times about this but every sentence she uttered began with,' You can sort that when you come back.' Really want to enjoy this last month with my lovely boy (11 months) but feel really anxious about everything. Thinking about putting him into childcare a week early to let him settle in gradually. The provider I've choosen only wants him to do a 2hr settling in period the day before he starts and I'm worried this won't be enough.

I also second the idea of a cleaner. And also sorting out with your DP how you split the work around the house when you do go back to work - especially if you don't have a cleaner.

DH and I used to share the household work equally before we had DC. I took on more of this when I was on maternity leave and we got out of the habit of sharing all the drudgy work around the house. Hopefully you have managed the balance better than I did when I was on ML. If not, I'd really recommend having a talk with your husband about how you will share the load when you go back to work and draw up a plan of who does what.

We did this after I returned to work - would have made the return much less stressful if I hadn't been worrying about running the household too.

It is about organisation - you'll find that you're suddenly really efficient! Good luck with the return to work.

I am 3 months back in FT work after my 2nd maternity leave. I went back to work with both DC when they were 8.5months. With DC1, it was easy peasy. I would collect DC1 from a childminder before 6pm, be at home at 6pm, cook a light simple dinner (he would have eating tea at childminder), wash up quickly, enjoy an hour with him while getting ready for bed, and he would be asleep by 8pm. From 8pm I would prepare clothes, food etc for next day, check email, shower, and would be in bed by 9:30pm the latest watching TV and relaxing.
With 2 DC it is much different? when I come back home before 6pm, they climb over each other for mummy?s attention, I try to eat my dinner while being climbed over, then shower them both, then putting DC1 to bed and DC2 to bed.. I finish it by 8pm and I am exhausted. Then cooking lunch/dinner for next day, preparing clothes, nappy bags, there is always something to clean, some clothes to wash/iron/sort out, and I am running like headless chicken until almost 10pm, trying to also check my email in between and take a quick (literally 2 mins) shower. I try to be in bed by 10pm but then I took up some self-studies, so I try to study before my eyes involuntarily close? It is so much more difficult with the two, so much more of chaos? But I praise every day as DC2 is almost 1 and they do get easier to manage.

I'd def agree that the anticipation of going back to work FT is worse than the reality!

I went back FT (48hrs/ week) when DS was 10 months. Took me 3 months to feel a bit more in control at work. DS settled like a dream into nursery, though had a snotty nose permanently for a few months!

What I didn;t expect was the loss of confidence in my ability to do my job after taking time off, but this does get better with time! KIT may help.

It;s not possible for everyone but I have been able to take my annual leave in odd days, so every 2 weeks I work a short week and get a long weekend. (Can't so this forever as might like a summer holiday with DH!) but has helped the transition from ML to FT work.

Other working mothers are your friends in terms of support and ideas for childcare and combining work with motherhood, been a great help to me anyway.

Also second the idea of planning ahead- I'm not very organisd but find getting mine and DS's clothes out the night before really helps, as well as packing bags the night before and even making most of the packed lunches in advance.

Knowing that I'm working to give my family a better life gets me through the harder days.

On sunday I try to cook a few meals for the week, a casserole for the slow cooker for Mon and a lasagne/ macoroni cheese or something similar for tues, this frees up the nightmare 6 oclock in/reading/homework/bath/bed time as dinner is done. It is hard work to start with, but once you get your routines in place, things are fine.

Remember there are 2 of you (you did mention DH). I've been back full time (and for me that is an average 48 hr week) for 3 months. DH is now part time and he does most of the house work. Even if he were full time we would share out the household and childcare jobs. In this day and age if your both working you should be sharing the at home work. No reason it should all fall on the woman!

If your DH is really against the idea of a cleaner I hope he does 50% of the cleaning. 50% of all of it, not just putting the hoover round laconically once a week with great sighing and expecting praise for it.