Fertility treatments, depression and work

[JosieSmith1]

I have been TTCing for 15 months with no success, we are going to a fertility clinic for tests soon. In Jan this year a new work colleague announced she was accidentally pg and although she didn't want it, she was going to keep it anyway. This sent me into a tailspin of depression and counselling, which the whole office new about due to my being unable to string a sentence together without sobbing. It turns out, I was also anxious about work as I was being bullied. That all came to a head in about July, when I had a big bust up with my line manager and went off on the sick because she was putting in a bullying complaint against, which, if you knew me, you would know is absolutely ridiculous as I wouldn't hurt a fly, I'm too shy and anxious. Anyway, the end result was me being off sick for 4 weeks, and transferring to another office in August. I have settled ok but the new line manager has a bit of an attitude problem, anyway, I don't feel completely settled there, and Monday night my best friend announced she was pg after 3 months of TTCing, which made me a complete wreck again, ending up in me being off work sick again. I'm terrified of going back as they don't know me very well and I'm scared they'll be talking about me behind my back and that they'll treat me differently when I go back and might be 'frosty' towards me.

My poit is, has anyone had experience of baing on the sick when dtruggling with fertility tests and depression with TTTCing, and is it being unreasonable to take time off because I can't cope with my friend's pregnancy?

Taking time off with stress/depression is a difficult one but I'm always of the opinion if its not work making you ill (i.e. too much work, fear of failure, pressures of responsibility) then you're better to stay at work.

I've seen lots of people take time off work with stress/depression. Then sat at home for two weeks and come back with no changes to the cause or the effect it's having.

Without sounding harsh you've got to work it out yourself with help from a professional if needed. I'm not sure I'd recommend taking time off work as it can prove a good distraction where as sitting at home all day can and will lead to you swelling on it. You really need to work on the cause which is your depression over TTCing and friends being pregnant otherwise you'll more than likely lose a friend due to resentment it'll undoubtedly cause.

Do you have a history of depression, or has this come about because of ttc and the situation at work?

I have always had periods of, not quite depression, but low periods, for no real reason. But this time it's really really bad and has actually been diagnosed by the doctor whereas previously I've been able to get on with things.

Thanks for your opinion Grevlin. I'm actually the opposite in that when I'm at work I dwell on it because I haven't got a lot to do and when I'm at home I've got plenty to keep me busy so it takes my mind off things

I would strongly suggest that you spend some time/energy/money trying to understand the root cause/triggers of your depression with professional help.

Firstly - mental/emotional stress have an affect on the body, and could be contributing in some way to your inability to conceive.

Second - having a child is a wonderful life-changing, life-enhancing experience. But even the strongest people can experience feelings of isolation, exhaustion due to sleep deprivation and other demands a baby places on your life, mourning for past life/routines/freedoms.

I would think it would benefit you (and your eventual child) if you took some steps now to learn about your depression and how to manage it. Also, understanding the low feelings could help you in your interactions with people, and possibly help with relationships and interactions in your professional life

I also wonder if there is any connection between people with depression and those women who have pnd. I know there is a biological component of depression for many, but wonder if strengthening your mental resilience now might help you ward off that 'sinking feeling' many (most?) new mothers have at some point.

Good luck.

Thanks Earlybird, part of me wonders if I'm going through this because someone somewhere knows I need to make a lot of improvements to my life before I can fully benefit from a family. Maybe I'm being given a chance to make things better first. Time to get my cake business off the ground. I have spoken to me line manager today and she was fine, although she did insist I told her about what was going on, but then she said I shouldn't feel guilty (I'd said I do) and to just get myself better before I come back. SO I feel slightly better, but not a lot tbh.

Think you probably need to sort out your depression before seeking fertility treatment. What does your counsellor say about taking time off sick?