Not happy in new job. What should I do?

[jalapeno]

I recently left a job in a large organisation to go to a smaller one to gain better experience, prestige of the new company and forge a new career. I anticipated being there 2 years, learning lots, making my mark etc.

2.5 months in, I am really miserable :-( We are really on a financial tredmill and even though our incomes are quite high we live in SE England and so it is very expensive and after childcare and travel I don't really have much money left of my salary. Debt isn't going down. I hate the job, I miss my children, DS1 has some needs to do with diet/illness that I'm not meeting and I'd quite like a third child. I'd like to take him to scouts. I'd like to start my own business, DS2 will be eligible for the state nursery funding after xmas and so I could get something off the ground, I have a few ideas. Mostly though, I want to be with my children. I keep crying and think if this carries on I will probably suffer with my mental health:-(

So....am I mad giving up a well paid salary in the current climate? Even though I hate the job and think I'd be better off without working? Am I missing something? Just overreacting?

The long term plan is to bring in some extra cash, DH to persue his career (he has taken a back seat sorting school drop off etc. and has been offered a good contract to go full time) and if we enjoy the new set up then maybe move somewhere cheaper.

I feel really embarrassed regarding my new employer. I feel like I would be letting them down and admitting a woman can't do it all as it is a fairly senior role with many senior female managers in the company. I can't sacrifice my happiness for my pride and feminist principles though can I? Oh this is all such a mess. I am in a probationary period which mentions 2 weeks termination of employment but is that for the employer not for me? It doesn't specifically say about notice.

If it all goes tits up I do have qualifications and experience and could be a locum in my profession fairly easily.

Please can anyone advise or has anyone else been here?

Thanks in advance x

Stick with it. It took me more than 2 1/2 months to start enjoying it and make progress; it has been a challenge but most of the time I feel fulfilled by doing a good job and I really like getting a paycheque. Give yourself, say, 6 months, and then re-evaluate the situation. It does take time to get used to new routines.

The 2 weeks notice is probably mutual.

Gosh yes I sympathise - I am in a similar position (except I (think) I am pregnant with my first) and about to post in this forum my own experiences to get some advice! I can only go back to what is a bit of a tired old saw (and apologies for sounding patronising, it's not meant in this way, and something I am repeating to myself a lot at the moment!) but so true - on our deathbeds will we say 'geez I wish I had spent more time at the office doing that hour long commute there and an hour back'?! In a job you don't like as well! It really really impacts on your mental wellbeing which will in turn impact physically.

For me, I know whether something feels right or feels wrong quite soon in a job. It's never going to be 100% perfect and there will always be things (and colleagues) which make your hair stand on end, but that shouldn't be all of the time. If it is the majority then there is no harm, or weakness, in saying, this isn't working for me, and walking away. Sometimes things just don't work out the way we think and that's not necessarily a bad thing. It just isn't right for you. Don't ignore gut instincts!

I think your plans for the future sound so exciting without this job. If you can afford to (which is important and sounds as if you could given your OH's contract offer?), then take the opportunity to spend more time with your kids. My mum always says that her eternal regret about having to go out to work was that she missed us growing up (divorced my dad when I was 3 long boring story lol).

I think you are able to give 2 weeks notice as well - that should go for both you and the employer from contracts I've seen previously (not an HR expert though, just been through that mill lots).

Also as a final thought (and again sorry for the long post, it's early in the morning and I have chronic insomnia!) your employer would get rid of you without a second's thought if they thought you or your role needed to go to protect them/the company. Loyalty sadly these days only goes so far and I'd say you ultimately need to protect you and your own.

Good luck and hope to hear how you've got on!

I think its great that you have other plans on the back burner, but my instinct is to agree with georgeliot that 2.5 months is just not long enough in the job to make a considered decision.

The main reasons are: presumably you had all these long term plans about setting up your business before you took this job, and this job is about extending your skills and experience and positioning yourself better for the long term. You could regret it if you leave now and subsequently realise it could have been a good stepping stone.

Also- it strikes me from your post that most of the negatives you mention are things which would have been the case in your previous job- you were paying for childcare then too so I guess you're used to not having huge amounts of money left over. I imagine the feeling of missing your children is to do with your negative feelings about this job since you don't mention it being a problem before.

I am not suggesting you force yourself to stay 2 years if the job really isn't working out, but I think to leave in your probationary period could be a mistake when you're still settling in and finding your feet. Ive had jobs where it's taken me longer than a couple if months to begin to feel 'yes, this is the right thing'. Also, if you stay longer it gives time for you to properly plan your long term business idea and to talk through with your husband. As his career has been 'the one to take a back seat then he may need time to plan 'the best way of stepping up again, whereas if you leave suddenly, it may all be a bit of a panic.

Hi

Sorry to hear of your situ.

I think you ought to give it a bit longer. New jobs take getting used to, and as a parent you also have lots of other stuff added in. Pre DC you could have just gone home and relaxed with a glass/bottle of vin, now you have to juggle the childcare/the emotions etc. Plus everything is so interconnected post DC, it isn't just you/your partnership that you need to worry about. I feel for you.

What can you do now to make things better? Working from home, reducing or increasing hours (I say that as I found 3 days a week impossible with my fairly senior role, much happier on 4, not sure if you are FT or PT) etc?

I moved jobs last year from somewhere I loved because I was approached (or flattered) and I also wanted to have some progression on my CV before trying for another DC. There were lots of things I didn't like at new place, but I gave it 6 months as I wanted to be sure that I'd given it my best to make it work. I left, not in the best way, but managed to agree a positive ref form them.

Since then I have been freelancing and actually it has been ok. I was in v lucky situ that DH's wages just enough for us to live on.

Not sure what your ideas re business are...but it won't necess mean a way to spend more time with the kids unless you do it in the evening when they are in bed. Am sure you know that, but just saying. We have kept my DS in nursery 4 days a week so I can meet clients when they want. However, there are lots of people on the freelance thread that seem to manage to work around kids at school, so maybe I am doing someting wrong!!

Why not set a deadline of after xmas once the funding kicks in? That way you can plan for a normal xmas and start the new year with a new plan?

What does DH say?

HTH
WS

Thanks all, I have come on to update that I will be leaving my new job just before half term. I am so relieved and can't wait. I just couldn;t settle and was so upset all the time. I've had a good offer for a hard work but childcare free work option which I'm sure I will take. I hope it doesn't go tits up financially for us but it was unsustainable so the job had to go.

Very good advice from all of you, thanks :)