nanny, childminder or nursery - which is better for my 8 mths old son?

[Alpinechildcare]

I am aware that with this post I am probably opening a can of worms, but I can't find any info to help me decide because it all seem to be so biased one way or the other. I am in the fortunate position to have a few child care options, but I can't decide what to do, so would be interested in people's views.
My son is just 8 months old and has been cared for soley by me or my husband up until now. I need 3 hours each week day morning to work, and we have found a lovely nanny to come here, or a great child minder where he'll be with another 2 children, or a nursery baby room which comes also very highly recommended.
So the hours are the same, the costs are similar so not really a factor, and all the references and people involved are great.
So my question is, what's best for my son?

To be in a busy environment full of trained professionals,
with a loving one on one nanny,
or with one care giving adult but also some playmates.
I have read all about the benefits of socialisation, but is he too young? is it best to get him out there before separation anxiety kicks in, or should we try and ensure he develops an attachment to one person? Is the childminder the nice balance?
I'd really appreciate your thoughts.

I don't think anyone can give you a balance view based on their own experiences because they'll be biased by their own choices.

I know I will be!

I went for a nanny because I wanted DS to have one to one care and didn't think babies (well DS was 1) needed socialisation until much closer to 3. Before that babies need secure attachments (which can come from any good childcare setting).

DS's nanny has little playmates for DS so he gets plenty of socialisation in a small homely setting, with kids of various ages.

He's nearly 2 now and due to maternity leave, I'm going to have to let his nanny go (costly :( ) so I'm sending him to preschool for a couple of mornings a week - he likes playing around other kids so seems the right time.

If all of your options are equally as good quality, I'd go for the nanny while he's young.

Is the childminder really the same price as the nanny - either the nanny is really cheap or the childminder really expensive - you will also have to pay employers NI and sort tax for a nanny
For what is worth - I couldn't afford a nanny - although looked into it and have had childminders for my DCs - it has worked out really well - DS2 started about 8 months and he was fine.

I think the benifits of socilisation are over played - provided the care giver is taking them out and about to toddler groups/play dates that is sufficent at that age

I think they all have their advantages and disadvantages, so you could just choose whichever one suits you best from a practicality point of view. Having said that it's worth looking forward - how long will you keep this arrangement in place? I would think that there is value in minimising the number of changes. I think that by about the age of 2 - 2.5 yrs they do start to benefit by socialising with other children - so you could give some thought to where you expect him to be at that age, and then see if one option becomes more obvious as a choice.

Also, usually a Nanny for one child is much more expensive than a childminder - is this because she is relatively inexperienced, or are you not factoring in extra costs like needing to pay Tax, NI, petrol money, activities etc?

I've done all 3, and there is no "right" choice - it depends..

Sorry just to be clear, the costs are different. The nanny is the most expensive but I can cover the difference by making other changes.

I really just meant that cost isn't a factor in helping me decide.

It will be long term until he is at least 2, maybe longer, when he'll definitely go to nursery.
Both the nanny and child minder we have shortlisted are long term options, and the child minder has her own children, so that's part of what is swaying me towards the CM because he may not have siblings, so I love the idea that he'll grow up seeing the same children every day.

Although the nanny will be able to give him more one-to-one time, so that's good. I have a friend who runs a nursery who keeps telling me that it's good to get him in to one before he gets separation anxiety because then he'll find it really hard when we want him to go when he's 2.5.

Oh I see - well I loved the family atmophere of the CM - and she took and picked up my DS1 to preschool when he was 2.9. He didn't have any problems settling. Both my DCs very sociable and like lots going on so CM suited them well - for some children who like a quieter place nanny might be better.

My DS is nearly 1 and we have found a lovely childminder. We're settling him in at the moment and it's going great - he seems to really like her, and he enjoys playing with the older kids she looks after.

But if we could afford it I'd have had a nanny. I'd prefer him to have one-to-one care with the option of socialising at groups etc. Although he loves his CM he hasn't slept well there so far, and I think a nanny would have more time to settle him to sleep etc (he is a rubbish sleeper generally). I agree that the importance of socialising at this age is overrated. Also, the CM is 15 mins' walk away, which is fine, but I'm not looking forward to walking back from there in the dark and the pouring rain, knackered after work. With a nanny you don't have any of that because they come to your house.

at this age i would choose a nanny. she's not going to sit in with him all day every day is she? if you asked her to take him to baby/toddler groups then the social issue isn't a problem. a big bonus for me would be not having to get him ready, bag packed and out the door - you just have to wait for her to arrive!

Thanks for the comments. because he is still so portable I hadn't really factored in that getting him there will get more stressful as he gets bigger. It's also a very good point, that he can still meet other children while with the nanny at groups etc. I notice that the choice seems to be veering towards CM and nanny. Am I right that you think there are no reel benefits at this age to him going to nursery?

at this age i would choose a nanny. she's not going to sit in with him all day every day is she? if you asked her to take him to baby/toddler groups then the social issue isn't a problem. a big bonus for me would be not having to get him ready, bag packed and out the door - you just have to wait for her to arrive!

IME (we've used both nannies and nurseries) I would choose the nanny.

Partly because it's a good option for the baby.

But mainly because it's a good option for you. No need to rush him off to nursery/CM, you can just hand him over in his pjs or halfway through breakfast, and get on with your stuff. Much less stressful and much more effective use of your time. The nanny will also make sure breakfast is put away, highchair wiped, she'll probably put a wash on...

Oh, and on the separation anxiety, that's nonsense! At 2 or 2.5 or 3 he'll be delighted to go to nursery.

I think children can do very well in good examples of either environment, but a nanny actually coming to your house is the easiest option. Also probably give you the most flexibility as to when you get home from work too. We have a childminder at the end of the street though so dropping off isn't logisitically difficult. The advantage of a nanny is they can do other tasks round the house as well. Disadvantage is cost and all that comes with them being an employee - tax, national insurance, pension.

I would choose nanny or childminder definitely over a nursery for a baby. Regarding choice between the nanny or the childminder, to me it would come down to a choice between the personalities of the 2 people involved. Which one do you get on with best, which one thinks along similar lines to you so is likely to care for your son in a compatible way? Also do you want someone in your house every morning, or would you rather ds went somewhere else. If you work from home this might make a big difference.

We chose a nanny for the reasons everyone's already mentioned - no need to rush out of the door, didn't matter if the boys are still in PJs when she arrives, playgroups and other activities for socialisation.

Another factor that made a big difference for me was that a nanny will also do nursery duties. So the time I did have with the boys at the weekend was entirely given over to them - I never had to worry about the boys' washing or cooking or any of the other chores for them that can eat into our time. But then I went back to work full time, so it may matter less to you.

There is some really plausible research showing that (all other things being equal) group care is really not ideal for the under 2s and is associated with poorer social skills - presumably because of the lack of intense 1-1 or 1-2 adult focus. The effects depend hugely on quality of care, the age they start and the number of hours spent in a group setting, and they're not enormous either way, but if you are lucky enough to have the choice I'd go for CM or nanny.

The other thing to consider about nurseries is that your DC will get sick (D&V, colds, conjunctivitis, chickenpox) and you will then have to take time off work at zero notice. If they go to a cm then they will get sick less but will probably still have to stay at home. With a nanny you would still want to stay home with a very sick child of course, but a bout of pink eye on the day of your board presentation, or the quarantine period after a bout of diarrhoea no longer becomes a crisis.

Oh, I should also mention sickness. One advantage of nursery over both CM and nanny is that if your child's primary carer is off sick then your child can still attend.

That said our nanny has had very few days off sick.

One big advantage of a nanny over both CM and nursery is that she can still care for your child when they would be too poorly to go to a CM or nursery (day 2 after a D&V attack, for example). This has been a godsend for us in the past.

You may find the book 'How Not To F* Them Up' by Oliver James helpful in making a decision. He's a child psychologist and in this book he looks in what I think is a very balanced way at the pros and cons of different types of childcare. Ultimately he makes a convincing case for under-threes being looked after by a nanny or other sole carer, partly because they don't really play with other children until about that age. This fits in with my own experience - my DS went to nursery (couldn't afford a nanny and no good childminders nearby) at the age of 2 and I now think it was a bit too early as he took a long time to settle in. But he's now two and three quarters and very happy there. If you can afford a nanny I'd say that's the route to take.

P.S. CinnabarRed is right, it's a big pain in the bum when your DC has to have a week off nursery coz they have a red mark on their arm that the doctor says may or may not be ringworm and consequently may or may not be contagious...grrr!

I'd go for nanny or childminder.

The research on under 2s and nurseries seems to suggest the best outcomes when there is lots of space (small spaces = more stressful), a small group of children (under 8) and a high number of consistent adults (1 adult to 3 babies is the legal minimum, but I would only consider a nursery that had 1:2 for babies). Also check what the staff turnover is like - unless the staff have been there for years I wouldn't choose it.

My ds went to nursery 2 mornings a week at 7 months - I would have liked a childminder but there weren't any available. I was lucky to find a nursery were the baby room was just 6 under 2s, three adults one of whom had been there 9 years and the other 15 years, and all were highly qualified and mothers themselves.

However I have also worked in nursery baby rooms where we had 9 or even 12 babies, 1:3 adult ratio, and young staff/"trainees" who came and went often, lots of agency staff etc. I wouldn't put my own baby in a nursery like that. When they are 3 it matters less as they are there to play with the other children, the adults aren't so important. For a baby it is only the relationships with the staff that matter.

Wow
Thanks so much everyone for your comments. So helpful to get some honest answers, because i think now that some of the pro nursery advice i've been getting might be very biased.
My instinct is telling me the nanny, and you have all helped me to see that my concerns were unfounded. I'll be taking him all over to play groups etc in our afternoons, so I'm less worried now about the socialising bit.
thanks so much all of you.

I did the nursery for my eldest when he was 7 months, he loved it and I was very happy - it was quite a small one though which helped and he was only there 2.5 days per week. My middle child didn't go to any childcare until he was 2.5 yrs - he took a little longer to settle but enjoyed it none the less.

However, this time with my third I've chosen a Childminder - we're living in a different place now and I just didn't think that the nurseries here were right for him, so I looked at Childminding which I'd never considered before, he started in June when he was 18 months old and loves it, I love it and I really warmed to the childminder. I had a lot of criteria which needed ticking and she came up trumps. He has a lovely, nurturing and fulfilling home from home experience. He's only there 2 mornings a week but it has stopped his clingyness and there are two little boys around his age there too, his childminder is fantastic!

Such a hard decision, but your gut feeling will be what helps your decision. I have neighbours that have nannies and they are equally pleased. I've never done the nanny side, costs more and I think I'd find it hard to have someone in my house, but that's just me being weird!!

Good luck in your decision -your gut feeling will help you make the right choice and remember it has to work for you and your needs!!!

I agree that you do get a gut feeling when you visit either a nurery or a childminder. I have tried both but not a nanny so I can't compare but I would say I prefer a childminder so long as they have got the environment right. Plenty of visits will help. I am thinking of becoming a childminder and this would mean I will be leaving my job as an Early Years Teacher. If you are lucky enough to have a qualified childminder then this can be even better I found a lady for my daughter who was mature, kind and very patient with a softly spoken voice all these attributes made for a very happy and contented stay.

I would also vote for a CM or nanny for