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Original poster

freelancers' watercooler: anyone else feel like they don't have a "proper" job?

168 replies

hatwoman · 30/08/2011 09:25

I feel in need of a multiple water cooler rant...please join in

summer holidays: juggling and muddling, falling behind, not doing anything properly. I'm so ready for term to start...can't believe it's another week

dh's climbing trip and my deadlines: just as the school holidays ends and I should be able to back to normal routine (working full day Mon and Thur, school hours the other days) dh is going off climbing for a week. I have two deadines in 3 weeks' time, one of which involves standing up infront of a load of people and talking about the work I've been doing over the summmer Hmm

wishing I had a proper job: oh I know all the pluses but I just want an office and colleagues and working hours and child care.

please talk to me and tell me I'm not alone

OP posts:
TheRhubarb · 03/09/2011 21:41

No Becky, I feel constantly guilty during the hols when I'm working and the kids are bored. If I spend time with them then I have to work when dh is home or at the weekends which I try to keep free. They never harrass dh for working but then he goes out to work and I don't, so therefore I'm the one who ignores them and is always on the pc and no doubt I'll get that thrown at me when they are teens

fivegomadindorset · 03/09/2011 21:44

I hate that guilt factor, and I feel guilty that they are going back next week adn feeling relieved.

Original poster
hatwoman · 04/09/2011 16:01

oh rhubarb

"They never harrass dh for working but then he goes out to work and I don't, so therefore I'm the one who ignores them and is always on the pc and no doubt I'll get that thrown at me when they are teens"

I so could have written that. it drives me up the wall. the number of times I say, when interupted, "would you ring daddy up when he's at work and tell him you can't find your pink earrings/don;t want to go to gymnastics/don't like your new school bag?" "of course not" Hmm

I'll never forget when dd said to me that I NEVER pick her up from school and take her to her various activities etc and daddy ALWAYS does it, while I am ALWAYS on the computer.

I pointed out, accurately, that daddy picks them up on Mondays and Thursdays, I do Tuesdays and Wednesdays (when daddy is in London), and we share Fridays. ie it's half-and-half. There was stunned silence while she tried to match perception to reality. The problem is that her perception is that we have a choice on Mondays and Thursdays - because we're both at home. and, faced with a "choice" it's always daddy. ergo daddy (who is wholly absent form the house 48 hours a week) is more hands on. Not picking up from school because you are working in london is just wholly rational, normal and not worthy of note. Not picking up from school because you are working at home makes you a neglectful mother.

OP posts:
Original poster
hatwoman · 04/09/2011 16:02

and I so agree with five on feeling guilty about feeling relieved...

OP posts:
twentyten · 04/09/2011 16:24

Hi! Been freelance for 15 years and have been really lucky with work up till last year- but now I realise that I've been too busy doing it and juggling childcare/elderly parents that I've not build the contacts I need and future work- I would love a part-time proper job where someone else did the hoovering! And a place for a coffee mug! I imagined I would have more time
as dd got older- now 14- but evenings have vanished! And feeling guilty- oh yes!

motherinferior · 04/09/2011 16:29

I have to say that in the past 12 or so years that I have been freelancing, I have very rarely had anyone ever trying to take the p*ss and ask if they can 'drop in' or could I 'just do' something; I've always made it very clear that I am working and, to his credit, Mr Inferior has always been clear about that too. I've done five days a week, during work hours. But I've always also been the one closest to school, who can drop stuff if there is an emergency and do school pickup now they're older. (And then go back to work.)

It's been a salutory reality check when I've had a part-time job outside the house. And will be even more so once I am actually out of the house all week.

MarshaBrady · 04/09/2011 18:14

I do love it some days, I admit. I love being left alone to think, my huge new Mac which is so much nicer, the fresh air at home rather than office air .

The only thing that feels more like work than work is organising childcare as I am still in the ad-hoc stage.

BeckyBendyLegs · 04/09/2011 19:44

The guilt is horrible. I hate that bit. I feel guilty all the time. DH keeps telling me not to, but I do. It's sadly reassuring to read that this is normal for us freelancers /self-employed types. I'm sure all working mothers do though.

MarshaBrady · 04/09/2011 19:49

Oh no I don't feel guilty. I feel like I'm doing it in a more difficult way as I am choosing to work when the children are asleep. Certainly more complicated than dh, who gets to breeze out the door without organising childcare. I deserve not to feel guilty!

Becky I just read you work when your ds is asleep that's pretty good.

TalkinPeace2 · 04/09/2011 20:05

"guilt"
fine -
don't work - set them a subservient role model
or work full time and let the nanny / au pair / childminder see first steps / first words / sports day / celebration assembly etc etc
OR
be freelance and make it to most of the important dates - in a rush but THERE
D'oh
most professional dads SPIT with jealousy at our work balance - that is why they DISS IT SO MUCH

motherinferior · 04/09/2011 20:08

Actually, no, I don't feel guilty, not in term time - why would I? It's my job. I like working. During the holidays yes, I have felt v guilty about bungling work/childcare but not usually, no.

motherinferior · 04/09/2011 20:09

I don't make it to all the important dates, actually. This is my work!

bigbadbarry · 04/09/2011 20:09

I don't feel guilty, not ever. Frazzled: often. Especiually when (like this week) DH is in sodding China - I can work evenings if somebody else puts the kids to bed and clears up after tea. Having to do it all might just finish me off. (Am not on MN though, am working very hard to meet tomorrow's deadline. Honest guv.)

bigbadbarry · 04/09/2011 20:10

Oh no, sometimes I do, I just remembered. I feela bit guilty for the peopel who are paying me good money and don't know I did some of it in the garden in the sunshine/very half-heartedly :)

MarshaBrady · 04/09/2011 20:11

It will feel amazing when I can just use a nursery for two days a week. No more swapping with friend etc. Will be fab.

MarshaBrady · 04/09/2011 20:15

Ah garden is fine. I think about work a lot when I'm on a project. On a bus, in the park. Which also means I discuss stuff when I'm milling about in the sunshine. Tis good.

BeckyBendyLegs · 05/09/2011 14:12

bigbadbarry I've done work in all sorts of places and wondered if I should be charging my usual hourly rate because somehow it just doesn't feel quite right! Such as: at one of those wacky warehouse places, on the beach, in bed, in the bath (I often print out work to read in the bath), and also in the garden.

BeckyBendyLegs · 05/09/2011 14:13

Today is our last day of school holidays and DH has started his three month experimental 'working from home' thing. I'm still the main food preparer, washerupper, clearer-upper etc even though he has to eat while he's at home!

NormaSnorks · 05/09/2011 14:56

ooh - yes - I LOVE doing work in odd places/ favourite coffee shops and thinking "I'm actually getting paid for this, and it's quite enjoyable...."

I know all the local WIFI hotspots... Smile

BeckyBendyLegs · 05/09/2011 17:19

Oddest place you've done work? I think the bath is pretty odd but I've had a phone meeting with people in New York while making sandcastles on the beach (they were very jealous). It is great that I can work in my jammies, work at silly times of the day (and then pop into town / school / dentist without needing permission / time off). My problem is switching off, I'm rubbish at it. I will answer emails at 6am and deal with crises before bed rather than switching it all off and leaving until the next day.

I do like the idea that we are setting up good role models for our children, I hope my boys grow up to realise, partly that you don't have to have a 9-5 job, ie that you can do many different things, and that you can have a career and work part-time / at home, and be a parent who is there for his / her children as well as having a career for themselves and earning money to pay for the house, toys, day trips, etc.

bigbadbarry · 05/09/2011 17:28

Probably en route along the M6 (not driving, obv). I mostly work on-screen but if I have something I can do on hard copy I find a passenger seat quite conducive!
When we lived abroad (before kids) I used to start work at 630 in my pyjamas, have a break for coffee and a shower around 11, and finish for the day around 1. Lunch out and an afternoon off, very nice too!

bacon · 05/09/2011 17:30

I was lucky DS1 5 went to play scheme 9.30 - 4pm every day and it worked out better than normal school days. He was happy and I loved!

But DS1 is changing into a moody teenager and I'm on the constant battle with moods and attitute coupled with the place being bombed.

I agree weekends are usually crap - Hubby usually works and doesnt enjoy being inside the house with two lil animals and sure he'll find any excuse not to entertain unless it involves taking them in the tractor!
I have then have to do loads and catch up with what I should of done in the weeks.

MarshaBrady · 06/09/2011 12:50

Oh god I really have to sort out my worst-case scenario thinking.

They go quiet for a bit and I stress out that they are doing it internally or something. When in reality they are just all running around like mad and no one has time to look at stuff.

TalkinPeace2 · 06/09/2011 13:02

Marsha
when mine were 2 and 4 I stupidly used a quiet time to do some work.
They had painted each other blue from head to foot - had to put bubble bath in the paddling pool .....
Marking exams while breastfeeding was always a laugh

MarshaBrady · 06/09/2011 13:09

I mean the client Grin. I have spent the entire morning pacing the floor wondering why no one had responded to the work I did on the weekend. Was I off the project? Did they decide to get the strategy guy at work to do it?

Then I called. It's fine.

I think I work on toddler/ baby time. Ie those windows of opportunity are so little I have learnt to be very, very fast. I feel like people are working on a slower time scale or something. It started when I was bf'ding and had to do things quickly before next feed.

I really need to calm the fark down.