Pls talk to me about full time work & motherhood

[PogoBaby]

Hoping some external viewpoints will help me get my head straight as I'm going round in circles, hence being up at this time

DD is 1, DH is a SAHD. I returned to work in April 4 days a week. We can manage on my part time wage if we are very sensible but to do so I have to do 4 long days rather than just standard hours.

I feel I'm getting the worse of both worlds.

Four days a week isn't part time enough to be truly part time so in essence I'm doing a full time job, a lot happens on my day off and missing meetings etc. is starting to cause me difficulties as I'm out of the loop on decisions etc.

Because of the long days I'm knackered on my day off so whilst I'll do something with DD in the morning I'm generally to tired in the afternoon and just 'wasting' the time.

I'm also missing my pre-child hobby but can't start it up as don't have the money and have no time on the evenings I work so would be limited to once or twice a week (which would frustrate me more then not doing it and would eat into our family time).

If I return to full time I will be on flexi so can start early and be finished by 3 / 3:30. I work close to home so often meet DH for lunch giving me more time with DD. This will give the flexibility in terms of money and time to pick up my hobby again and I feel I'd make more of the time I had with DD as it would be more precious IYSWIM

I just feel incredibly guilty as I feel like I'm sacrificing my day with DD so I can have more time and money for myself, almost feel that at this age it should be about her and I should just sacrifice my interests.

Has anyone any advice for me before my head explodes

It's tricky isn't it? I've done both - and am probably going to have to go back to a full time role fairly soon after DD2 is born - with kind of the same dilemmas you have. (Partly why I've got insomnia tonight I think!)

Given what you've said about your hours, I think you should try the full time option. Its the quality of the time you spend with DD that I think is really important - as well as being able to see them every day. DD will probably think you are about more if you get a couple of hours with her every day than the extra whole day you have now IFYSIM.

Best of luck

Working till 3/3.30 will be a doodle :-). Seriously. You will love the evenings with her. I found full time 'easier' because part time was never part time for me and it isn't for you either. Some jobs just aren't and yours isn't.

Do it, you are v lucky to get flexi time and enjoy! It's a no brainer I think.

thanks both, even in my sleep deprived state I know it's the right thing to do but still feel guilty about abandoning my DD day even though we's get time every day and I wouldn't be so knackered all the time.

I won't lie the extra money would be great too

From the outside it seems like a no brainer to do the 5 days. Think of it as quality rather than quantity! Sounds like you will probably see more of here every day rather than having it all condensed into one day.

I'm no expert, but this is probably better for a small child - more regular contact so to speak!

Five days flexi sounds much much better than 4 days with constant pressure at both ends. I worked full time until now (on 2nd maternity leave) and it was fine - there is nothing wrong with my relationship with DS, frankly we couldn't love each other more. I am hoping to go back 4 days a week but that will be 9-5 and without the kinds of problems with missing meetings etc that you are experiencing.

I do 58 rather than 49 (which killed me even BEFORE!). We could get by on my wage, but it wouldn't leave much fun. So my boyfriend works part-time doing "unsociable hours", he left the house at 4:30am this morning but is now on his way home...

This way I get to keep my hobbies, him his, we can eat out, buy nice clothes etc., etc. It also means we can put our son in to creche 2 days a week so that we both get a break.

I've done a 4 day week with a small child and yes, ended up in work on many a day off for meetings and handovers.

As he got older I did relish the fact that I had a weekday to meet with other mums. Mostly just the toddler group or a coffee but it got more important as he got older. Now I have some good friends and the move up to pre-school was easy.

I'm not saying don't go full time again - it sounds like a no-brainer - but don't forget you might not always feel this way in the future. A lot of the pleasure I get from my DS comes from seeing him with his friends.

Thanks all

You raise a good point there teapot, I have quite a lot of flexibilty so changing my hours in the future wouldn't be a problem.

I've never had any mummy friends (a bit socially awkward ) so guess I don't really think about that aspect. DH does do a lot with her though and is building up a network

I am in a similar dilemma but I think having a day off a week is something you might miss short term. I would wait until your child is at pre-school and then do what you suggest, but that's just based on my own experience. Also, I think doing shorter days will work very well when they start school!