WRt to looking after sick children, what on earth do you do when you have no 'alternative' arrangements...?

[willnamechangejustforthis]

Have very recently returned from mat leave and now have two children, 4 and 9 months.

For the sake of context, I work in the public sector, have done for years. Job stressful and I've often had X2 the caseload I 'should' have, often taken on higher grade duties to help out, always had excellent appraisals etc etc. Relevant I feel as it demonstrates that I want to 'give' not just take iykwim!

Befor I went on mat leave this time the rules regarding 'emergency' or carers leave were changed, and instead of parents being able to access up to 5 days leave it has been reduced to one day, and the expectation being that you 'find alternative childcare' in these situations.

Well I understand fully that this is not unreasonable but I am having a lot of trouble explaining to my line manager (who incidentally doesnt have kids, neither does the manager above her!!) that we have literally no access to 'alternative' childcare. No family whatsoever nearby and no friends who i would feel able to ask to look after a child who was not fit to go to nursery.

I have offered to ringfence one weeks a/l even tho if I dont use it I will lose it at the end of the tax year. But in the back of my mind I am just constantly worrying about what I will do if one or both of them is sick for more than five days in the yar (likely!!). I would even take unpaid leave but I feel the very fact of taking unplanned leave is now unacceptable.

To be honest, I cant afford not to work and I dont want to give it up as I have put such a lot of my life into it but the reality is people who have kids will sometimes have to take unpaid leave, to deny this is to deny a fundamental fact of human life!!

Am considering maybe just ringing in sick myself as it would be a lot less hassle!!

Three points:

1. I didn't see what got deleted but unpaid parental leave cannot usually be used for emergency illness situations - most companies will have policies where they insist on approving it in advance, and they can refuse/rearrange it to suit business needs
2. Just because a child is too poorly for for nursery/childminder does not mean they should automatically be looked after by the parent - it just means they need 1:1 type care such as an emergency nanny. If parents are unwilling to consider options such as this to cover exceptional circumstances (eg when they may be desperately needed at work) then they are not (IMO) really playing ball with their employers, and are expecting the employer to always bend to their needs and never the other way round.
3. I don't know many companies that would not in practice allow people to take unpaid leave or to use up their annual leave in these circs, though I can imagine most companies would be reluctant to state this specifically in their terms of employment because it may set a precedent that could leave them without the cover they need in exceptional circumstances. Have you tried informally asking them if they would indeed generally allow you to go unpaid for a couple more days?

OP I am in a similar situation - no family to step in. It can be very stressful.

Firstly, I do my absolute best to try to avoid having the kids get sick - lots of hand washing prevents a lot of colds / GI stuff, although you can't prevent everything.

Personally, I wouldn't lie about being ill myself - I'm a bit shocked that others do, but it reflects that perhaps our society hasn't quite got there yet in terms of supporting working parents.

If DC are unwell, I try to work it with my DH that one of us will stay at home for the morning, whilst the other goes in and does the urgent things in work, then we swap at lunchtime. I then make the hours up at a later date, or try to take work home with me. I appreciate that my type of work allows for this, whereas some roles are just not suitable.

I've found the only thing that really works is having some sort of back-up/sick system for child care. This has been alternately

1. DH going in early to bring back work to do at home (flexible employer), me going in late and staying late (non-flex employer and later hours office so would get brownie points for staying late).
2. Have 2 forms of childcare e.g. nursery some days childminder others. We had this for other reasons but it meant I was less stressed about chicken pox (which ds still hasn't had!) because CM had said she'd take him with spots since her dc had already had and it had passed through the other kids there. It also worked when nursery closed for snow.
3. Morning walk to school lady and emergency care plus afternoon nanny. Usually one has been able to do it and ds is familiar with both. (this year)
4. Au pair plus nanny (my friend's solution)
5. Emergency sick care cover(I've never done this as haven't been keen on leaving ds with someone unknown when sick - I'd be more willing to do it to replace sick nanny or closed nursery)
6. Work at home (if properly sick dc you can get quite a lot done).

Hope that helps!

At all those shocked by people claiming to be sick themselves, can I ask what alternative is there if:

a) you literally have NO-ONE you can ask to help look after a poorly child (no family nearby, friends all work)
b) you have used all your annual leave (not difficult when school holidays are 13 weeks, even without illness)
c) you have used all unpaid leave (many firms place a limit on unpaid days)
d) you have already used any emergency leave allowed
e) you literally can't afford to buy in professional care (or else you'd be defaulting on the mortgage, and/or unable to get to work etc)
f) your OH is in a similar position re: leave, and/or you are a single parent with no OH to share the burden
g) you aren't allowed to make up hours, or your job is the sort where specific hours only have to be worked
h) you aren't allowed to work from home, or the job can't be done from home

What then ? ..... when you've exhausted absolutely every avenue ? I appreciate lying to your employers is far from desirable - for them or for you but what alternative is there ? What on earth do you do when you've laid your cards on the table and explained your predicament (humiliating yourself in the process if you have to explain how you can't afford to take any more unpaid leave, assuming it's allowed) - hoping for some sort of help and leniency - and despite suggesting how you can make up hours your employer refuses to allow anything other than "normal" work ?

So what can you do ?

catsmother if you're in that situation then I'm very sorry for you. Personally I would be looking for a new and different type of job or else considering giving up working as it doesn't sound worth it in the circumstances.

The alternative to your situation is you quite reasonably state that you are taking this time off, you will make it up when you return or find some other way to ameliorate disruption, you are sorry for the inconvenience and go ahead and do it. If they try and discipline you on the grounds of doing this it would be helpful to know what they have done to other people with children in the firm - are they discriminating against you personally or against people with children generally?

The difficulty of lying about you being sick instead of kids is:

1. It goes on your sick record. If there is a redundancy consultation sick records are usually considered. If you've been off work for sick children that at least starts the process of considering whether the redundancy is an unfair dismissal on basis of sex discrimination whereas on plain sickness (unless connected to a disability) you are unlikely to receive similar protection.
2. It is lying and therefore gross misconduct as it undermines the employer/employee relationship. In certain circumstances it could be grounds for dismissal.
3. If you are sick a lot (it can happen) and your employer starts to look into it then if there are unexplained absences this gives the impression that you are lying and could lead to dismissal as per 2.

Also in the situation above it would be rather coincidental if they refuse to give you time off for childcare and you then call in sick the next day. You are then playing into their hands.

One of my points used to be that ok I might have to take some time off for ds being sick (although it was made up) but equally I am more conscientious as a result and am not taking sick days for hangovers etc.