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Original poster

one full time working crazy mum

9 replies

lilystar11 · 19/05/2011 22:58

went back to work full time a few months ago . .husband and mum now sharing care of 9 month old daughter... feeling worn out with all my conflicting emotions . . . jealous over her very strong bond with her dad , but then happy she has that connection which I didn't have...desperatly want to be with her but then feel totally useless when I am with her ... husband and I are arguing which we never used to do but I just feel he makes little digs all the time about how easy I've got it or how I'm not doing things right when I am with her ..tried talking about it but he thinks I'm exagerrating ...I know he may not mean it to come accross the way it does but just fuels my doubts about whether I can still 'do' being a mum.. would just like the opportunity to talk to someone who may have (is having a ) slightly similar experience

OP posts:

Anc1ent · 19/05/2011 23:07

I do understand what you mean, you sound like you need a huge hug!

Original poster

lilystar11 · 19/05/2011 23:12

Thank you nice to hear someone does understand ... felt good just to get it off my chest..

OP posts:

tribpot · 19/05/2011 23:12

Very quick as I need to go to sleep - another crazy mum here too. You are her mum, don't worry about that. And it's very early days. VERY. You have to find your own rhythms and there will be days when your dh is tearing his hair out because she'll suddenly be as good as gold when you get home from work because children love novelty - it's not a reflection on either of your parenting skills, it's just the way it is!

Have a little patience and be kind to yourself, and then when you manage to take a break from work over the summer, say, see how things go. It's a huge adjustment but you aren't alone. There's no one model of how to be a mum, you just need time to make it work for you - as does your dh likewise as a dad. As the book says: DON'T PANIC.

FunnysInTheGarden · 19/05/2011 23:13

really don't worry. You are bound to be eaten up with guilt about leaving your FB. I felt the same. But you and your DH will be fine. Just be sure to talk to him as much as you can about how you feel, and don't let petty resentments fester.

There is always an imbalance when one parent works and the other doesn't. The best way to solve it is for both to work, or else talk, talk, talk!

Anc1ent · 19/05/2011 23:18

I did the "main earner" thing for 9 years (and also pre-dc) For the past 18 months I've swapped and I work part time term time for absolute peanuts.

TBH there is no good answer. It's bloody hard no matter what you do
(and obv I am no use to you at all as I'm being a right miserable arse)

Original poster

lilystar11 · 19/05/2011 23:19

thanks for posts and advice really appreciated might try talking through it again tomorrow with husband ...but for now better get some sleep ...

OP posts:

Original poster

lilystar11 · 19/05/2011 23:25

just wondered Anc1ent ...did you try and get time for just you and little one wondering whether I should try and do that or persist with trying to havinbg quality time all together when we can?

OP posts:

Anc1ent · 19/05/2011 23:31

mine are all at school now, but having the time with them and not rushing in at 6pm or later makes a huge difference.
When I was in management I made every moment count and had special "me and dc (individually) time" - and made a lot more effort as it was limited time and therefore particularly precious. These days I do more of the 'mundane' stuff with them but it's still enjoyable. Sort of evens out really.

plupervert · 19/05/2011 23:46

Remember that working fathers connect/re-connect with their children; it happens with any parent who cares.

As for your relationship, you are very right to worry about what sounds like real resentment. I am the SAHP and understand the temptation to moan that DH can go to the loo in peace, eat lunch without having to chivvy someone else, and not be touched all the time. However, as he knows what I do (he was out of work once, and understands, too!), I don't feel defensive with him and try to assert my "authority" and undermine him; in fact, I'd rather he took more initiative! If you can get more of that kind of balance in your relationship, both you and DH will feel better about it.

Taking one sleep-in each at the weekend is a good way to start, committing to nights out for him, asking him for stories about his/DD's day... those are all good first steps.

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