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Should I give up work?

9 replies

shhhw · 18/05/2011 18:33

Hello, not sure if this is quite the right thread for this, but am hoping for the benefit of some experiences! I work full time (but not silly hours) in a fantastic (if rather stressful) job. I have two dds, aged 4 and 1 (and I'd like another in a year or so). I am v lucky in that my mum looks after the girls. I live in a really expensive area, because that's where my work is and the nature of it means I need to live close by. DH is freelance so it doesn't matter where we live from his pov. I can see that my job is great, and when I'm not exhausted it is perfect for me; if I could do it part time that would be great. However, part time is simply not an option - my sort of job just doesn't work like that (it is reasonably flexible). If I give it up, I will never get the same job again - when I went back to work (and I'd have to one day), I'd have to do something different and as I seem to have got the perfect job for the non-stressed, less tired version of me I can see that I might well regret giving it up. I often think about resigning, though, partly to spend the time with the girls while they are little (though again, both of them love being with my mum and have gained loads from being with her - that's partly why part time would be so appealing), and partly because I am just so tired! However, if I do give up, we would have to move to a much cheaper area and our lifestyle would change quite a lot. I go over and over this - by the time I decide both girls will be retired at this rate. If I'm going to do it I want to do it before DD1 starts school in September. DH is v supportinve - my choice, he says. I just wondered if any of you had struggled with a similar decision, and what you did, and whether you were happy with your choice a little way along the track...Thank you!

OP posts:
compo · 18/05/2011 18:37

I think I'd stay tbh especially if it's hard to get back into afterwards
and moving etc sounds stressful
shame you can't go part time though or compress your hours into four days or work from home?

Simic · 19/05/2011 08:32

You sound generally happy - tiredness being the main problem. Do you have any possibility for giving yourself a break not by going part-time but by taking a couple of week's unpaid leave or something like that?

Snuppeline · 19/05/2011 09:02

Would you not be quite financially vulnerable if you only had one salary?
Freelancing must surely be less secure than your job too? If you needed to get a mortgage/remortgage do you think the bank would approve your application with one freelancing salary (which presumably they consider insecure)? I'm in quite a similar position in that my dp is self-employed and my salary, however small, is the only stable sum coming in! Personally I couldn't give that up.

Bramshott · 19/05/2011 09:38

I'd stick with it. If your DD2 is only 1, it must be pretty early days to be back at work with 2 kids.

What help and support do you have at home? Does DH pull his weight? Is there stuff you could outsource like cleaning and ironing?

shhhw · 19/05/2011 17:04

Thanks for reponses! Yes, I have a cleaner and DH does quite a bit (though I still seem to have 'responsibility' - for eg he will gladly do the shopping, but only if I say 'oh, can you do the shopping' and give him a list (well, he'd do it without one, but then we'd be on a v odd diet for the next week). And my mum does help a lot. As for the finances - absolutely, I am the financial stability in our family, but the thing is, if we moved somewhere else, we'd be able to buy a small house without a mortgage and then that wouldn't be such a problem (DH is freelance but his work is pretty reliable). So our lifestyle would def change quite a lot (goodbye takeaway) but we would be able to manage if we were careful even in his lean periods. Bramshott - yes, that's what I keep thinking... Especially because for various reasons I've not yet managed to wean DD2 fully so for much of the year I've been dashing home at least one and sometimes several times a day to feed her - surely that won't go on much longer! But then I read other threads that say 'it's just as hard when they are teenagers' and I think - should I cut my losses now rather than drag on and cave in later? (When I say cut my losses I mean I've already missed out on all 'that' time with DD1, and the hardest bit - leaving when she was breastfeeding - with DD2 - I feel that's what I've already lost and I can't get that back even if I give up now - does that make sense?!).

OP posts:
emy72 · 20/05/2011 08:50

Hi shhhw,
I agree that having a 1 year old and especially what you describe about feeding must account for your extreme tiredness. I had a similar situation when I had my third child and I was exhausted. If I were you, before considering giving up altogether, I would do the following:

  • apply for unpaid parental leave - you have the right to a max of 13 weeks up until your child is 5. This is a legal right and they can't say no. This would give you a break, a bit of time with your children and your DD before she goes to school.
  • apply for a sabbatical - maybe 2 months or so?
It sounds to me like your biggest problem is needing a break.

I wouldn't just leave. Things do get easier. My youngest is 20 months, and I work 3 days at the moment, but it is easier and I am less exhausted than I used to be.

Good luck with your decision x

Bramshott · 20/05/2011 17:32

The trouble is shhhw, that as you've correctly identified, it's very difficult to get back into work again once you give up. Which is fine if your job is 'just a job' rather than a career, but harder if you enjoy your job, especially as most of us have many years of working life left once our kids have left home.

I am in I guess the opposite situation - I didn't return to what was probably my dream job after ML with DD1, have been freelancing for the last 8 years, and am now desperate to go back to work and finding it really hard. But I will have 15 years of working life once my DDs have both left home, so I have to get back into it somehow, if I'm not going to end up madly polishing the furniture for 10 hours a day aged 55 Grin!

shhhw · 21/05/2011 21:24

Bramshott - slove both our problems - focus your mad polishing energy on MY furniture...

Thanks again!Sxx

OP posts:
shhhw · 21/05/2011 21:24

sorry, sorry, SOLVE...

OP posts:
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