Going into debt to stay off a year?

[Vegasgirl]

Hi everyone, I'm looking for a bit of advice please.

I am currently on maternity leave, I originally planned and budgeted to take off 9 months + 1 months leave so DD will be 10 months when I return to work. DH will go part time when I return and unfortunately this does not allow for a handover period - he will finish and I will return.

DD and I have a fantastic bond however, she gets very upset when I am not about. Some friends have gone as far as to say she is too attached to me which I think is mad, I think it is really important to have a really secure base from which to grow from and become more independent in her own time. She's only a baby!

I keep wishing I had budgeted enough to take the full year- my thinking is she will be just over a year old then and more able to cope with my absence and hopefully I will be a bit better prepared by then.

Also we could factor in a few weeks of both I and DH being at home and me going out more so she could get used to DH doing everything gradually. We are trying to do this now but DH doesn't have many days off and it is unfair to ask him to devote them all to childcare when he is working full time.

Also my office has relocated further away in my absence which means a commute that I didn't previously have so I will only see DD for a couple of hours a day. Unfortunately part time is not an option.

However this would involve about 2k of debt one way or another. Is this mad? Is the extra two months worth it?

Don't get into debt. I am and it hangs over you. Seriously, my debts aren't huge in the great scheme of things but they keep me awake at night. Unless you are 100% certain that you could clear it quickly then don't. It really isn't worth it for a couple of months.

Can you tell I've had a bad day, money wise?

Hello, of course all children are different, but my observations of my own and friends' children have led me to conclude that a one-year-old is not going to be any happier being left in childcare than a younger baby. However, at both stages, they will adapt to being away from you just fine, it's more likely the mum who has the problem. I know, as I cried for days when I left my first daughter at 8 months (she was fairly unperturbed). My second one went at exactly 1 year and it took her longer to be happy at drop-off. If the effects of childcare on your baby were your only concern, I would say don't go into dept about it. However, it sounds like you would love to spend more time with her, and it also seems a good idea for your partner to become more hands-on - can you not compromise on just 1 month? Less dept, but more time than originally planned?

I wouldn't tbh. But only as I did the same and am still paying it off! 2 months will make little difference and she will be fine. I didn't want to leave mine either but with hindsight it would have been the better thing to do in the long term and they would not have suffered at all. In fact all the children I know who attended nursery from a young age loved it and have grown into very confident happy children :)

I wouldn't say there will be much difference for her either way - at 2 years old or 3 maybe but the difference between 10 months and a year is so slight - so hardly worth the extra debt
Is part time with a different job a possibility? otherwise, just bite the bullet. the first few weeks are tough but you will both adjust

Thanks for the replies. A lot of it is wanting to spend more time with her, but the other part is being afraid of her being upset. Its good to hear that they usually adapt fine. I have already decided that I will give my job that I normally love a good chance but look for something more local if the long hours are too much.

Don't do it.
It will be much harder to switch to a potentially lesser paid more convenient job of you have debt hanging over you.

And I agree that she won't settle any better at 1 yr, if anything it will be harder.

Would it be a cheaper/possible option for your dh to go part time a month or even a couple of weeks sooner so you could hand things over more gradually?

It's heartbreaking going back to work and I think every working mother here can relate to how you feel, but you have to trust your DH to cope. Remember you had to learn the hard way how to care for your child, it didn't always go smoothly, there were tears (possibly on both sides!), but you eventually found a way to bond with your DD. The first days/weeks will be tough, you will be sobbing at your desk at work, you will feel like the most awful mother in the world and everytime DD sheds a tear you will think it's all your fault. If you're anything like me, you will be raging with jealousy because other people get to be with the most fantastic baby in the world while you're stuck at work.

But you DH WILL rise to the challenge, he will create that lovely bond with your DD as well, and your DD will be better for it because she will now have that with both parents.

Don't go into debt, with a new family you need a solid reserve and also, if you have savings, it will allow you to take time off again if there are any future children.

If you'd said getting into debt for 2k for say 6 months or 12 months I would have said go for it, but for 2 months is not worth it, as the difference between 10 months and 12 months is minimal and you'll still feel the same way.

I have 4 children and have left them all at different stages between 6 months and now 19 months. I would say that I found leaving a 19 month old almost as hard although I can see she is getting some benefit out of childcare/being away from the family home for some of the time.

I would say bite the bullet, go back to work and then try and make some adjustments like others suggested. Good luck, I know how hard it is x

I've been back at work for 2 weeks and I wish I could have stayed longer, same reasons as you. I went back when my son is 10 months (he still is). What I would suggest, which is what I did if you both have loads of annual leave is do a phased return to work over 2 months. So I have taken 2 days off (Thur & Frid) in May and 1 day off (Frid) each week in June before I start full time in July. Your partner could then either take some annual leave or start working part time earlier until gradually you hand over completely at the same time you withdraw gradually from your daughter.

I went back to work at 13 months with my first child and 9 months with my second. I can honestly say that there was very little difference. It was just as painful for me both times and to be honest, the 13 month child probably took longer to settle than the 9 month old.

Kids are very adaptable and she will be just fine. The main difficulty with the change will be managing your emotional response to the change.