Confused by options - only 5 months pregnant but already panicking about RTW!

[KatieWatie]

I work full-time and this will be my first DC. I'm 33 and have spent a while putting off a family to carve out a career so I really want to stay at my current company if possible. It's not the best job in the world but the pay is ok and other benefits are great. I'm very much a 'planner' and I want the pension etc.

My DH is self-employed pretty much full-time. He'd previously said he would give up work entirely to look after our DC but now in reality that's not going to happen although he says he can stay at home on Mondays...

So now I have no idea what I am going to do. I'll need to find childcare for the other 4 days but it seems so expensive - £8 an hour am I right? That's going to be £1000 a month! Financially it's barely worth returning to work, so I'd be giving up my child so I can get a pension. We have no family around to help, they live 5 hours away. I don't believe we're entitled to any benefits although I don't know much about them, but having done the online calculator it looks like we earn too much. I don't know what I don't know, so to speak, and I could be missing something as I tend to be quite bad when it comes to getting what I'm entitled to.

Is there some sort of optimum level where you can qualify for childcare costs to make it worth going back to work? How can I find out what this is? How can I qualify for anything when I have to state previous year's income which is bound to be more than it will be when I'm off on mat leave / SMP / part time? What is the incentive to go back to work when it seems like the government only reward those who are on low incomes? Any advice would be really appreciated as I don't know any new mums locally who can advise me.

I'm really sorry if this is the wrong forum or gets asked a lot.

First deep breath & stop panicking. You would be enititled to buy childcare vouchers out of your wages. These amounts to £243 per month deducted before tax which can then be spent on an approved provider e.g. nursery, childminder or registered nanny. £8 per hour soundds more like nanny wages or possibly nursery or childminder in central London. Where are you based as costs depend a lot on where you live. as an example I'm a childminder in West Sussex who charges £4.70 per hour but I know elsewhere hourly rates vary from £3 to £6 per hour.
Others will come along later & give you more information

Don't panic!

Many of us barely cover childcare costs for a while - it's not just about how the cash adds up at the time, it's about staying on your career ladder and providing your family's longer term financial security. You do need to look around all your childcare options - nanny share, childminder and nursery.

If you are well established with one company it might be easier to negotiate flexible working - either now or, remembering that working is a choice for your long-term, when DC goes to school.

Hi - I can't help on other specifics like benefits but one thing stood out to me from your message.

If you work you aren't giving up your child at all - I've done everything (fulltime, part time, sahm depending on circumstances) - you can have a lovely and uniquely special relationship with your child while working. The important thing is to have childcare where you are happy that your child is happy and maybe to minimise childcare where you can - as with your DH working 4 days.

You aren't working just for your pension - children, even if you have 2 or 3, grow up fast and it can be very difficult to get back into work, by working you are keeping your career current, even if you tread water for a few years, and once you are free from the major burdens of small child care this income can be very valuable. I have 3 DCs, youngest starts nursery next year and I am so glad I have kept my career bubbling under, despite almost to throw in the towel at several critical points as I now 7 years on being in your position my careers taking off again, I'm fulfilled at work and home and our family is a busy, if slightly chaotic, happy one with a bit of extra cash to keep the wolf from the door!

I'm not pro any particular decision, being a sahm works for some, working part or full time for others and for alot of mums there is simply no choice, just offering a different perspective from further down the line!

Congrats on your pregnancy by the way. I was 33 when first pregnant. Such an exciting time!

Bloody hell might be happy and fulfilled but my typings crap.

Anyway, what Edithweston said more succinctly!

chilly - I think your second paragraph is more important than anything I wrote!

Childcare costs do vary alot -although think 8 pound an hours seems v high unless your talking so look round for options now in your area - childminders, nurseries or you could consider a nanny share - Now a good time to consider options - visit nurseries/childmidner
also working 4 days week is often quite easy to negotiate which would mean if your DH did one day a week you would only need 3 days a week childcare and you would have more time with your baby

Could you work four days so then you only need to find childcare for 3 days?

Hi all, thanks so much for your very sensible advice.

I have stopped panicking slightly after discovering I had got my figures for childcare a bit 'out' , I'm not in London and it's more like £4 per hour where I live. Phew.

Everything I've read in this forum advises NOT going back to work for 4 days as this is the worst of both worlds, and I can believe that would certainly be true of my company.

Edith I wondered what you meant by "negotiate flexible working"? My company is very flexible hours wise (you're trusted to do your 37 hours at your own convenience, basically) and we can work from home. However I don't want to be seen to be taking the mick, but nor do I want to make life very difficult and stressful for myself (which I am wont to do!).

My DH suggested that if I could work from home 2 days a week then we would only need childcare for the remaining 2 days, but I don't think that working with a baby around is viable. However I have no idea, no experience, and don't know anyone in real life I can ask these questions to :)

I get what you are all saying about letting my career tick over, and that's definitely what I want to try and do.

Thanks again all x

Sorry but I don't think it is practical to work 2 days a week from home with a small baby/child. You just won't be able to concentrate and get things done.
Could you do 3 days a week at work and then put baby into nursery one day per week?

I think that working from home with a baby around isnt really possible, and depending on your job might be seen as taking the mick. If you have the type of job where you need to make phone calls to colleagues or customers then you will need child care for the days you are working, though you could still benefit from the fact that you dont have to commute on those days.
Also, depending on what your job is could you work from home in the evenings? So you would be at home with the child in the day time, and then when your DH gets in he takes over childacre and you start working.

I have worked from home with a baby/toddler, and can confirm that you will need childcare. DS used to go to a childminder just round the corner from me, meant I no commute and his time spent in childcare was minimised.

You can do bits while they nap/in the evening, but this can get knackering. For a while I did 21 hrs a week with only 2 days worth of childcare and tbh it felt like I was always struggling to fit things in.

Hi, I currently work 24 hours a week over 4 days, so 8.45 to 3pmish, and its not too bad. I still am getting paid a decent amount and I am not totally exhausted.

I have a childminder who charges £3.50 per hour, and my husband minds our daughter one of the days. My employer also offers childcare vouchers and I think it works out that I save about £50 a month. Also, your husband may be able to claim them as well, but I am not sure how that would work with him being self employed.

If you are only planning on going back part time and if you are having to pay for quite a bit of childcare, you may find that you may be as well to take the full nine months off (you dont get smp for the last three months of the year).

Also, do you know what maternity pay your employer is offering yet? My employer gave a return to work bonus of three months salary if you went back after 4 months and 2 months salary if you went back by six months, which was enough to pay a years childcare. I honestly don't know if this is common but you might be lucky!!

Sadly there are no bonuses from my company for going back earlier - I get full pay for 18 weeks, then SMP for 21 weeks.

I think I'm going to have to do some more maths but at the moment it's looking like i'll go back nearly-full-time at 6 months then full-time at 1 year, and baby will be with a childminder on the days we're working (if it is possible for them to not be full-time with a CM, I don't even know??).

I don't think I have to decide and let the company know until I'm actually at that point though

Thanks all for your really helpful comments and experiences :)

yes loads of CM take part time -I would start looking around now if you want to go back at 6 months - although and this is just personal experince from 2 RTW - one at 6 month and one at 9 months - 9 months was better for me - baby was sleeping better, eating solids - he did a quite a long settling in period of 1 day a week from 8 months or so
and you will need to let the company know and them agree nearly part time but only a few months before you go back - def after the baby is born anyway
don't forget about all your accrueded holiday - that you could - (and some you will need to) take before maternity leave and sometimes you can used to work shorter weeks the first few months

Hi,
I'm currently on maternity leave with my second child. I'm due to go back in November, which means I'm taking 12 months off. I did the same thing with my 1st DS whose now almost 3. I must add though that after 12 months at home playing mum, I was 'chomping-at-the-bit' to return to work. I adored my DS but I found being a new mum extremely hard work (he was a demanding baby...and still is), and I felt I had completely lost my identity. Returning to work was the answer for us. My DS was desperate to be socialised with children of his own age, and at times it was clear he was bored with just me. I needed some adult conversation and a bit of 'me-time'. Work sort of gave me that. We found a nursery that was right for both our needs. It costs £30 a day. At first I returned to work part time, but DS loved nursery and was much happier for it, so I made the decision to return full time. It enriched our bond. I was no longer that grouchy mum who moaned all the time. I had a laugh at work, found I could pee in peace, and eat my lunch without it being grabbed off my plate. And the drinking of a cup of tea that remained hot was just bliss!
This time though I've found my 2nd DS to be a completely different nature to my 1st. He's much more placid and far less demanding, so this time I'm already starting to worry about returning to work, but I also know that I'll value having my identity restored a little.
I'm a proud working mum, but to be honest, I think if you're used to working you'll be happy to return. You'll be a fabulous role model for your child.
Childcare costs can be tough going, but you get used to it, and I'm certain both my DS and I benefitted from it greatly.
Stop worrying, and just see how it goes. If you decide it doesn't suit you then you can re-evaluate your situation then.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy. Being a mum is the best feeling in the world....albeit very very tiring!!!