Managing return to work when DH not keen

[Bramshott]

I have bored you all on here about how I am desperate to get back to 'proper' work! ATM I work from home, which is very flexible, but also very isolated, and I've done it for 8 years and think it's time to move on.

I've been offered a week of work, which whilst it's not exactly what I want to do, is definitely worth doing for the contacts etc. DH won't stop me doing it, but is noticeably un-keen, saying things like "well I think you're mad but I'm sure we can make it work"; "I think it will be very difficult for us"; and "it's a shame that it's evenings and weekends" (I work in the arts, and lots of work is evenings and weekends!).

I think if he was put on the spot, he'd say that he supports me working, but thinks I have the ideal job already - flexible, part-time, from home etc etc.

Clearly I will do the work in any case, but I would just love it if he could manage to be supportive (rather than just tolerating it) and try to understand why it's important to me to get out of the house to work, rather than just working here .

Good for you! Go for it! Marriage is a partnership and he should be supporting you. if he doesnt then he wants to be sure you won't find any supportive likeminded arty types during this evening and weekend work you'll be doing... maybe that's what he's affriad of

Enjoy your new adventure.

You stated "a week of work" did you mean a fulltime position? If its just a contract like any other you can argue with him that if it doesn't suit the family then you can return to status quo. I would also highlight the fact that you do feel isolated. Highlight the business development and personal development opportunity too and I'm sure he'll see your side.

what you need is a tent change of scenery!

I suppose for everyone its a change to the status quo - everyone has probably felt very comfortable with you being in the background at home quietly masterminding everything for the last eight years. DH is bound to feel a bit threatened - in the same way when I suddenly found myself having to work more days when DH was made redundant. I was a bit resentful of the fact that he was at home (and has subsequently been able to work from home). It was not what I "signed up for" - but after a while these changes have actually improved things for us as a family.

Think of it as a week's work, in a stand-alone capacity - you may well find that the grass is no greener at work, or you may find you now have an even more voracious appetite to get back into the workplace on a more permanent basis.

Plan as much as possible to get yourself through this, and don't pander to any sulky behaviour. It's a week, not a life sentence. At the end of the week, have a think about what worked and what didn't - and incorporate everything you find (good and bad) in the management of your family in your next contract.

Good luck!!

I assume it means he will have more childcare/house stuff to do - do you think that is the issue? And its 1 weeks work right - and your kids are at school age I assume - come on!
However maybe it is where is it leading - that worries him - I guess before kids you worked lots of weekends and evenings and my guess is you didn't see much of each other - maybe he is worried about you going back to that longer term - I am being charitable here!

Snuppeline - it is literally just a week of work - fairly full-on during that week, but no longer than that. So it's not a big deal really, except that I see it as exciting and a potential stepping stone to getting back into what I'd really like to be doing, and DH sees it as an irritation to be endured before we can revert to the status quo of me "being in the background at home quietly masterminding everything" as Notwaving says. I just wish it wasn't such a battle at home, as well as a battle to get back into work when I've been out of it for a while!

Notwaving - I DO need a tent - have you seen my other thread !

OF COURSE he's not massively keen about you going back to work - it means he might actually have to do something on the domestic front. But tough shit. It's your time now. He's not actually being obstructive, so just ignore the little negativities and plough on through. I think you need to be your own support, really - you're not going to get unadulterated joy about it from him. But he will get used to it, and be fine with it.

X-posts Moving. Yes, maybe that's what he is worried about. I know that he is very resistant to me working weekends, but TBH, this is the business I work in, and he knew that when he married me. Frankly I would prefer it if he wasn't out of the house for 12 hours every weekday, but that's just the way it is.

"just ignore the little negativities and plough on through" - I guess that's what I have to do Ohmy. It just makes me sad that he can't be more supportive - I mean he's a nice bloke (that's why I married him ), and we're a team, right? So why does it have to be so hard .

He probably will be more supportive when he sees the positives, but at the moment it probably seems very inconvenient. But as you say, he gets to be out of the house for 12 hours 5 days a week, and that's pretty annoying too. Just put your foot down.