I think I want an academic career - help!

[TimeWasting]

I didn't think very far ahead when choosing college courses etc. and kind of stumbled along a path, making the easiest choices at each stage in a way, and although I have a 2:1 and an MA, I have a crappy CV with college interspersed with rubbish jobs and nothing outside of college related to my studies since the millenium really.

I have realised I'm very much a theorist, prefer essay-writing to practical creative work etc. and if I could go all the way back to A level choices would probably choose Philosophy, Politics, Women's studies etc.
Of course there is scope for theory in every subject though, and I was pretty good at theorising about it all, even if noone else enjoyed that bit as much as me.

Problem I really have is that my courses were mainly practical. ND, HND, a top-up to degree that didn't include a normal dissertation and then the MA was practical with an 8,000 word supporting dissertation, and very little in the way of academic training if you like.
So I feel very nervous about even applying for a Phd.

I'm also not sure how enamoured I am with my original subject matter. I don't know if the disenchantment is just due to the weight of expectation that all that bloody education places on my shoulders, or if I should genuinely cut my losses and start again. After all, if I was that into it, wouldn't I have done something about it?
Easier said than done when it would mean another degree without any funding though.

Of course all this is layered with other self-esteem issues, making it a very hazy thought process.

If you've had the patience to wade through this, then thank you. Really any suggestions or questions would be very helpful.

Why don't you make an appointment with someone in the uni/ dept you are interested in? Then you would be able to find out more about the subject/ dept and what they require and find out more about funding.
I don't think many departments are that concerned about your job history to be honest, as many PhD candidates come straight from doing their degrees with no employment history, so don't let it put you off.

Practical is good. Loads of PhD's are mainly practical research (mine was highly practical - lab experiments, designing lab experiments, industry experience) and then a thesis write up at the end. Prior to that I'd only ever written a short dissertation during my degree. Of course that is only my experience, I guess other subjects would be different, but your practical experience will be valuable anyway so don't dismiss it.

One word of caution though, I'd definately look into whether you really want to do this and what you want to get out of at the end. I think I did mine for all the wrong reasons. I don't regret it, but maybe I would have been better off doing something else.

If you want a job in your department at the end of it, I'd definately spend some time networking with all the Professors, managers etc and get your face seen. I'd have loved to have stayed to work in research in my old department but I'd kept my head down and got on with my research quietly and at the end it was the ones who shouted the most/ the most visible that got the jobs.

PhDs are GRIM; but a necessity for scientists.

Why do you want to do an Arts PhD? What are your job prospects? How well funded will it be?

Don't underestimate the hours. I did 50-60 during mine.

I want to think and write and talk about my art subject. Maybe do a little of it, but mostly argue and theorise about it. They only really let you do that at Uni I think.
Funding is very competitive from what I've read. There don't tend to be as many projects to join up to like are listed for science.

That's a real problem for me too, there isn't a main topic I especially want to research right now.

If I go for this, it's likely to not be for a couple of years anyway, but I need something to be working for.

Since I posted earlier I've been thinking and have returned to a previous idea I had of doing an MA in Womens Studies with the intention of combining disciplines for a phd in the future.
That will of course cost me a fortune.

I think I would feel more confident after that as well. I really struggled with the MA I did and it was quite specifically focused on an area I'm no longer especially interested in.

Gah!

Yes, I agree hours are long. I mostly worked 9-7/8pm each day and then again like 9 -5pm ish on weekends, with the occasional one off. Then again, I found it a fairly flexible way of working compared to my previous job.

I don't want to put you off but you mention you would feel more confident afterwards. I found in my case that it had the opposite effect. I'm not sure why but I think it is because someone is constantly critising your ideas ( I guess in a constructive way but it sometimes doesn't feel like that), you don't really get much feedback during the process (like during an undergrad degree, you always get grades and you know where you stand in comparison to other students). It sounds silly but my PhD really knocked my confidence.

Then again, if it is something that you long for and think you'll be suited to definately look into it.

Highlander - a PhD in a Humanities subject is as much a necessity for an academic post as it is for a scientist.

To the OP:
It's not clear to me what your UG/PG degrees are in - it sounds as if they're not in the Humanities? As an academic in the Humanities, we would not admit someone to a PhD unless they had some experience of study in the area. It's possible we would admit someone to do a History PhD with a Politics undergraduate and master's degree, depending upon the standard and area of their previous work. That's just something to think about. Certainly it would do no harm to contact the postgraduate admissions tutor in a department you're interested in. We get loads of enquiries - it's really not a biggie to just ask about admission criteria and the like.

The biggest warning I can give about academia (and especially the Humanities) is that it's very difficult to get a job. This invariably means taking at least one, and often many more, temporary positions before you land a permanent contract. This generally involves moving from one part of the country to another each time. I don't mean to put you off. If it's what you want to do, it's an amazing job. I still can't believe I get paid to do this. It's just that it's a long road with no promises. If you did a PhD with the single intention of working in academia, you need to be aware of the challenges.

As for the lack of self-esteem - academia is full of people who are scared they will be 'outed' as 'stupid'. It's the imposter syndrome (as in I really don't belong here as everyone else is so much more intelligent than me.) That's never the case, but lack of self-esteem isn't unusual! You just learn to 'fake it' and put your head down and do the research. Doing a Phd in the Humanities takes skill and talent, but it's also about being bloody-minded, and driven. I hope I haven't been too negative about this. It's what I was told as an undergraduate. I think all postgraduate admissions people have an ethical obligation to point this out to potential PhD students, but there's so much of a push to bring postgraduate students in, I don't think it is always done (£££ for the department, and a career boost for the academic).