Bit wibbly - back to work on Thursday

[Verso]

The time has finally come! I'm due back at work on Thursday and I feel such a conflicting mass of emotions. The early part of my maternity leave was dreadful (horrible birth, mild PND etc), so at first I was in shock about the whole thing and can't say I enjoyed it at all.

Latterly, though, I've been really really enjoying spending time with DD and I'm going to miss her hugely. In fact, just thinking about it makes me well up. V professional, eh?!

Any advice/support or offers of gin would be very much appreciated.

Thanks, Dophus. Thing is, I really enjoyed last week. I think the problem is just that the margin for error is nonexistent, so days like today feel really rubbish!

As it is, I tried to take her to nursery (having phoned to check it was ok first) and the nursery manager met me at the door and said they couldn't take her. I think she was expecting me to be really cross, but what can you do? I can see their point (and it took the decision out of my hands).

Work have been fine. Thankfully my boss is away this week, so although she will no doubt hear that I was off, it makes it less immediate and annoying hearing it second-hand after the event. Well, that's my theory, anyway.

Not sure how I will cope with 'hallucinating from fatigue' in the future though. The early part of my maternity leave was characterised by PND brought on by fatigue (because DH wouldn't do any nights at that point - long story). I certainly hallucinated. I remember one evening shrieking at him about how all DD's babygros were wet and I couldn't find a dry one. Apparently they were all dry, but I rememember even now how clearly they felt wet to me.

Hmm. Will have to cross that bridge when I come to it. Am already wondering about the sanity of the plan to go full-time in January.

I jus hear the baby crying all the time when I'm really tired (not good when I'm in a meeting and keep glancing over my shoulder).

How supportive is your boss? I'm fortunate in that mine is very good. He has a young baby himself and is sympathetic to child care needs. Did you consider a childminder? My childminder takes DS even when he is ill (as long as it's not v contagious such as conjuctivitis or upset tummy) - this is very fortunate as he has now had 4 colds in the last three months and seems permanently ill (as I am as I have caught each one).

I am trying to decide whether to return to five days in Jan or remain on four. Whislt I am at work I think I cold handle another day, whilst I'm at home I think I couldn't bear to part company another day. We could use the money!

My nursery will take DD if she's ill (she's had a couple of colds already since starting) just the bronchiolitis/RSV thing she has at the moment is v nasty so they don't want to take any risks.

We looked at childminders but opted for nursery partly because of the whole "what do you do if the childminder is ill or on holiday?" thing.

My work are ok-ish, and pay lip service to the whole work/life balance thing. Only problem is I've only just gone back after maternity leave (this is my third week) and we were recently taken over so I don't want anyone questioning my commitment.

I hope it all settles down soon. Don't worry about your work; it has only been a few weeks. You have planty fo time to show your commitment.