To stay or to leave?

[katerinaemalina]

Hello
I would love some advice on the realities of work and being a mum. I'm 31 and in a long term relationship. We plan to have children but realistically it will not be until next summer before I get pregnant (reason being we have only been together 1 year at the moment and so we do not want to rush things too much). The problem is I hate my job and want to leave! I am tied in to my job till September as I am currently doing a masters which my work is helping fund, so if I leave before then I will have to repay the fees to them. So I could leave in September. However this then brings the problem of I would be starting a new job and then hoping to get pregnant within the next year - so 1) I would feel bad about messing a new employer around and 2) probably more importantly - I would not get the benefit of long-term employment mat leave, I would only get statutory. I don't know what to do. I keep thinking I must just stick this job out as it would be silly to leave when I'm now thinking about children, but on the other side I think I'm ruining my health staying here, and then am I just putting off the deed as I would have to return after 1 year max anyway. I guess I would just welcome any advice or ideas from anyone else in a similar situation and what they did. I know everyone is different and in the grand scale of things this is not a big deal - I should be thankful I have a job and one that looks after people who want a family, but I just can't see the woods for the trees at the moment as 18 months seems like such a long time away! I guess it doesn't help either that I am desperately broody, so hating the job makes it worse as I feel like I'm wishing my life away to have a baby. Thanks for any words of wisdom!

Hi K, I wouldn't give up your job now as September is only 5 months away. That will really fly by. You could consider leaving in September and looking for a temporary post to give another job/employer a chance to see if things improve. Sometimes just making a small change can make all the difference - you may not need a complete career overhaul. You are not pregnant at the moment and even if it goes against your (very considerate) nature, try not to think about any future employers' position should you get pregnant etc. Try not to put too much emphasis on potential babies when thinking about your job. Babies don't always come along exactly as planned. In my opinion, you should try and make changes in your career to make you happier (as you sound pretty down in your current role). Once pregnancy happens for you, you will make things work for you at that stage. My advice would only be different if your current employer's maternity benefits are so good that it would be foolish to walk away. However, as you're not pregnant yet, I don't think it's a major consideration for you at this point. Difficult isn't it? Not sure if I've been any help at all! I think what I'm trying to say is make whatever changes you need to make (from September) to make your life happier. Things often work out - but only if you're proactive about your own life! Sorry for any typos - my screen is tiny & I've misplaced my glasses!!

oh thanks - yes it is helpful! I know. I keep trying to think of all the positives of my job but I just feel really miserable here now. I know that if I wasn't considering a family I would be definitely looking for another job come September, so perhaps you are right - I shouldn't think things will work out as I want them too. I don't want to pressure my partner either. I guess I'm just worried as I think perhaps it would be better here if I could just work part time and at home, but that's no way to be thinking about a job really! The mat leave here is 3 months full pay, 6 months 50% and rest smp. But then my employer is also good with part time working and flexi hours and working at home - but I guess other employers are coming round to this as well now. I guess my other dilemma I am having with myself at the moment is am I really that career minded? Maybe I'm wanting to have too much? Amazing career and family? It's a job - it pays the bills. Perhaps I won't want to go back to work and will want to be a mother full time? Or am I viewing motherhood in rose tinted glasses? All a bit confusing!