Please allow me to have a rant about relative childcare.

[bobbybob]

I have to fire my in laws.

Basically they said they wanted to look after ds once a week, and I said, that's great Monday afternoon is fantastic for me - and they agreed.

They have not been on time once. I have repeatedly checked that they know the time.

Today they were 15 minutes late, which meant that I had to start teaching having popped ds in front of a DVD, then when they rang the doorbell (door unlocked) ds (who is 2) had to go and let them in!

Before I get accused of being a bad mother I could see ds at all times.

Then they basically let him go crazy, with no thought to the fact that I was trying to give lessons in the next room. He was riding his trike in the house (which is in the garage). Now I haven't specifically told them he can't do this, but you would have thought that the noise alone would have alerted them to the fact this was a crap idea (we have tiled floors).

And to cap it all, MIL brought a pile of egg boxes for ds to play with, despite him being allergic to eggs and then being banned from his nursery and playgroup (and me telling her this).

So they are old, late, forgetful and useless. I only "employed" them to be nice - I was quite happy to increase ds's nursery time. If the nursery had pulled the egg carton stunt I would have sacked them, so it's not double standards.

So how do you fire your relations?

Get your husband to do it.

Gently!! - what an awful situation!!

Personally I'd take the easy option and make something up to the tune that your ds "has to" go to nursery - but ask get them to babysit one evening (in the same conversation)so they don't feel sideswiped!
Older people become extraordinarily forgetful and it's not until there's a health/danger issue that you notice it. My (60 year old) mum made me some hot chocolate a few weeks ago; boiled the milk, made the drink...then zapped it in the microwave !!!!! I scalded my mouth really badly & she didn't bat an eyelid!! As a result I feel very worried about leaving my child with her (am currently pg)and already plan on making sure she (my mother) is supervised in some way. Sad but true.

it is difficult. Older generations dont understand the allergy thing. Have you sat them down and really talked about this?
Maybe have a chat and draw up some kind of list of things for him to do. or even leave an activity out for him and them to do? You are lucky they want to be involved, so try and addres the issues and make them clear.

I have tried and tried and it's like they just can't retain the information.

It's not rocket science:

It's only for an hour and a half, no need to feed him. Just keep him in 2 rooms (living room and his bedroom). Keep all my other doors shut (none of my pupils need to see my bedroom) and don't bring anything into the house, because it's bound to be wrong.

Oh and turn up on bloody time.

Maybe you could tell them the lesson starts half an hour earlier than it actually does. That way they will be 15 minutes early . Don't know what to say about allergy thing - I still have an extremely firm grip on my ds with allergies and haven't left him with anyone. Don't think this is healthy but I have peace of mind .

Agree with Sherlock.

The comment 'they are old, late, forgetful and useless' sums it up.

When dh came home and filled them in on Bob's latest trip to casualty, his mum said "well, we were late so we haven't heard about that" as if it was my fault.

Also no apology/explanation which shows disrespect for my job - treating it as if it was a hobby.

Message withdrawn

Ds knows exactly what he can and can't do while I am teaching. He has grown up with it - personally I think they like having a nose around the house. We have a massive house, so it's not like this is a strain.

If they had ever been on time, I could have shown them how to open the garage door to get Bob's trike out.

My parents are here for next 4 weeks, which only leaves a couple of weeks at the end of term. I might use the line about his place coming up a little early for next year and having to take it or risk not having one next year.

bobbybob - eeekk. I'm lucky in that I don't have much contact with my inlaws (our choice as they ignore ds1 now ds2 is here not even a hello to him) but I wouldn't trust them with my kids anyway.

My mum is great though, even if she does have to phone a few times the day before she's having either of them just to make sure she's got the right time .

I agree with the extra nursery place suggestion. They'd never know any different would they, oh yes and let dh do it. They're his folks after all (any make sure he doesn't say "bobbybob thinks it'd be a good idea if ds went to nursery an extra session" and blame it all on you.

I don't care what he says to them. I personally want to say "you have now been late on several occasions and it's making my business look crappy".

do that then!! i'd be tempted to do it myself and be honest if you think you can handle the fallout

i have a similar trouble, but its to do with food, my MIL feeds dd constantly while she is at her house, and its not even healthy food its crap and i cant stand it, even when i said she's not to have anything as she didnt eat her dinner and she has her milk if shes hungry (shes 1) she still fed her 2 packets of skips and a handful of chips, now i know this isnt good for her and you can see from the size of her kids that it will only get worse, but i really dont know how to stop it, i try to tell dh but he generally isnt there and just doesnt mention it!!!

I think they would look at me blankly and say "you have a business?"

Yikes Stacey - how often does MIL have her?

Just tell them! Say "right, you can't be on time, you let ds run wild when you know i need him to be reasonably quiet, you pair of useless nosey old........" or maybe not?

tempting - but I think I'll just go with the nursery story.

probably for the best

welll sometimes its twice a week (only for an hour or two at a time) as i have avon bits to do and its on her road so its easier to leave baby there, but im thinking of doing it all when theyr out now, as shes started tantruming that she doesnt get the crisps etc at home.

im not saying she cant have them at all but 2 whole bags of crisps in 2 hrs for a 1 year old????

i think the nursery story would be best if your dh will go along with it, if he wont you might jsut have to be blunt!!

My in-laws are exactly the same when in comes to food. They purposely stock up on chocolate & biscuits when they know we're coming and will constantly feed her. They know full well that I don't allow dd chocolate & biscuits between meals but they carry on and even make a joke of it, laughing with dd saying "oh no grandad's going to get inn trouble with Mommy!" It's so infuriating. They then wonder why she won't eat her tea and I look like thw wicked witch of the west for making stay at the table til we're all finished.

I know they want to spoil her as their only grandchild but it really undermines both parents....thank goodness they live 40 miles away.

I've told my mum what DS1 and 2 can & can't have and what is the latest time they can have anything to eat....no doubt it's easier to tell a mum rather than a mum-in-law though.

my mum asks me what dd can/can't have (and is quite sensible, dinner is meat and two veg not turkey bloody twislers and chips with salt on, or if shes thirsty she'l give her a cup of tea, MIL would do the same but would add two sugars!!!) whereas MIL just gives it to her and if i say no she undermines me, jesus, love dh but hate his family!!!

Trouble is older people were taught sugar is good etc. Take food to them in a box..say she is being fussy at the min and will only eat.... and provide it.
My ex inlaws have nothing to do with the children never wanted to..even suggested I had a termination,you are lucky they want to help you out..they dont have to. You just need to be more black and white with them.

they did suggest a termination but now she here shes the best thing since sliced bread, yeah might try that thanks!!