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Original poster

No childcare - work not happy

21 replies

dizzydollie · 05/04/2011 09:19

Hello - I'm a newbie so please forgive me if I ramble as I'm shaking as I type this. Basically I've been very lucky for the past few years in that I've been able to work FT with the help of my mum. My husband and I both work in the same building so we could work out alternative days for school hols ext to try and ease the load. Unfortunately mum is ill and I can see that she's not strong enough to cope with the demands of a 7 year old. I could see she was ill so I called my boss (I went into work as normal yesterday) and asked for the rest of the week off on annual leave. I've always been early and never asked for time off because of child care before. She's not happy and when I apologised and asked if this was ok she was very curt to me and told me she had no other option. Basically its been made very plain to me that this is unacceptable (I'm the only person under 50 in the office and child care issues are alien to them) Anyway my mum is not able to cope anymore and I'm going to have to think long term, starting now what can I do?

OP posts:

purepurple · 05/04/2011 09:28

Holiday club? Or childminder, other family or friends.
I think the law allows you reasonable time off to make arrangements for childcare but not for providing that childcare yourself.
A reasonable amount is judged to be one day.

Original poster

dizzydollie · 05/04/2011 09:35

Thanks PurePurple! I thought that as I was using my own time that would be seen to be more helpful rather than them having to contact HR and make deductions. I'm frantic! DD was signed up for the only holiday club here which is only 3 mornings on one week. Childminders in area only take kids from 8am which is when I start work on the other side of the city. I'm doomed.

OP posts:

Portofino · 05/04/2011 09:38

Local student who might want to earn some cash over the holidays?

flowery · 05/04/2011 09:39

You could have taken a day or two unpaid dependents leave to make alternative arrangements but your employer is not obliged to allow you to take paid annual leave at such short notice, so although she has granted the leave it's actually not unreasonable of her to be peeved.

As your child is school age I imagine a childminder is probably your best option, as they will do the school run, so you need to spend the next couple of days ringing round all the childminders in your area to see if there are any with vacancies immediately, and also making sure in the meantime it's not just you taking annual leave, but your husband as well.

flowery · 05/04/2011 09:52

Sorry x-posts about the childminders. Au pair?

Original poster

dizzydollie · 05/04/2011 09:54

Thanks Flowery! I think she would be peeved either way if I took leave or dependents leave, she tells me a lot that she was part time when her children were you and I must be stressed to be working full time. Husband carrying on as normal saying he can't see why I would need to go PT I explained what about school hols? but we have magical annual leave that would just appear if need be apparently. I suggested a PT job and then we would only need cover 2/3 days a week but he says it would be too expensive. I'm lost! he doesn't want me to be at home with her or work PT. I think the only alternative is to clone myself. Thanks for reading x

OP posts:

flowery · 05/04/2011 09:58

If your husband doesn't think either of you need to be part time does he have an alternative suggestion for getting your DD to and from school?

You could both request parental leave during the holidays to cover that, so take say a fortnight annual leave together for your holiday, a week's unpaid parental leave each, leaving two weeks for holiday club for your DD, or something like that.

Original poster

dizzydollie · 05/04/2011 10:05

His suggestion is that I get her to school and start work at 9:30 which would mean I would need to work until 17:30 to cover and possibly try for afterschool care, which means I'd be fighting through traffic on a bus to get home in time for that ending. Our employer is good to staff but they would draw the line at us asking for unpaid leave on a regular basis. Their attitude is that you had a child when you got the position so you knew you had to cover for that. Thanks again for listening this has helped more than you know

OP posts:

MollieO · 05/04/2011 10:10

Have you actually contacted CMs? Most publish standard 8am to 6pm but the one I used was happy to have Ds from 7am to 6.30pm even though her advertised hours were shorter.

slug · 05/04/2011 10:12

Have a ring around the parents in your DDs class. You may find someone who is willing to have your DD a couple of days a week. DH and I stagger holidays during the summer break, we also have one set of grandparents close by. However, I have in reserve my lovely neighbour who is a SAHM and is always happy to step into the breech in an emergency. I give her money for food/trips/petrol. She (apart from being lovely) is happy with the arrangement as, with someone wlse in the house, it stops her DS and DD killing each other.

flowery · 05/04/2011 10:13

But is there any reason you couldn't both do that, so that, say, you start work at 9.30 three times a week and he does it twice a week, for example? If you don't normally work until 5.30 then presumably the person who has gone in at 8 could do the pick up to minimalise after school care?

Original poster

dizzydollie · 05/04/2011 11:10

Hi Flowery - this is the sticky point, he's on shifts 2 day 2 back and 2 night, with varying start times. So I was the constant because my hours are fixed between three rotas the latest working to 17:30. So there are times when we wouldn't see each other for 2 days at a time as I would leave before he gets up and come home after he has left.

OP posts:

Original poster

dizzydollie · 05/04/2011 11:11

Thanks everyone! I'm going to have a chat and ring around some places xx

OP posts:

KatieMiddleton · 05/04/2011 12:56

I think your husband needs to take responsibility too. This is not just you and your employer's problem.

Bramshott · 05/04/2011 13:09

I was going to say what Mollie said - just because childminders advertise 8-6 doesnt' mean they wont' agree to take your child earlier - it's still worth calling them and asking.

annh · 05/04/2011 14:12

With regards to your husband saying that you can't afford to work part-time, does he think your childcare is coming for free? Even if you were paying your mum previously, it probably wasn't market rate so your overall disposable income now is going to go down. Relatively speaking, you may not be much worse off by working part-time than full-time, given your increased costs.

Would your mum be able to help out at all moving forwards? Could she maybe do either mornings or afternoons or perhaps 1/2 days a week just to help out?

violethill · 05/04/2011 18:24

Another one here seconding what Mollie said.

I even found that the nursery my kids went to were willing to be flexible about start times. Technically they opened at 8, but I needed to leave my children at 7.30 (as did a few other parents) and this was fine (though they did charge double rate for that half hour!)

A CM is likely to be even more flexible than a nursery, so I would check some out, and see if they can meet your needs.

Original poster

dizzydollie · 07/04/2011 07:53

Hi Everyone - thanks again for your replies. My mum insists she's ok and I went back to work yesterday. This has been a wake up call for me so I'm really thinking long term now. I was lucky to have gotten away with using (thats sounds terrible!) my mum but I know now that I need to do something. DH has agreed that the best situation is for me to look into PT work. I called my boss who was extremely unhappy with me. I went into work and she told me that she needs someone who is going to be there all of the time, I said that I could have used parental leave but I chose to use my own time so I was the one losing out as there were plenty of people to cover the office in my absence. She told me that this was not acceptable and she needed someone to be there all the time, I said it had been an emergency and that by saying that she was implying that I was unreliable, I said that I was sure that it wasn't going to happen again and she replied that with a child you can't ever tell. I told her that I felt she was saying that I was unreliable and that because I had a child - not my performance at work - that this was making her think that I was not suitable for my post, I said that maybe I should consider looking for something else. I'm lost I don't know what to do. She said to me not to be afraid to ask for time off but then she's saying that she can't have it? and that if her daughter who's grown up and not at home was ill she wouldn't be here?? v confused ready to jack it all in

OP posts:

violethill · 07/04/2011 15:59

I don't think you should rush to jack it all in. TBH it doesn't sound as though your boss is saying its because you've got a child that you're not suitable, its because you don't have watertight arrangements for childcare.

I know you are saying it was your time you were losing, by taking leave, but annual leave isn't something you can drop on your employer with less than a week's notice.

I would seriously investigate the CM option, or possibly a local nanny or au pair who would happily do a school drop off for the extra money. Offer a higher rate if necessary (after all, you're getting the bulk of the school day for free) As I said, that was my solution - my kids' nursery didn't open until 8 am; this wasn't early enough for some of us parents. The nursery was fabulous in every other respect, so we approached the nursery owner and enquired about whether they would be willing to open at 7.30 on the days we worked. They charged double time for that half hour, so with two children there, it was a fairly hefty add on to the day's fees, but even so, if you think about the long term, its worth it for the sake of remaining in employment.

You are fortunate in having had your mother providing your childcare for several years, but it sounds as though the time has come to accept that she's not well, and your 7 yr old needs other proper arrangements.

ChocolateCoveredChitChat · 14/04/2011 00:12

Whether you have a CM or nanny, you will always have circumstances where childcare will let you down. Nanny gets sick, your DC get sick and they can't go to CM or nursery etc, etc. That is the reality for working parents.

VivaLeBeaver · 14/04/2011 00:17

Your employer wants to be careful that shes not bordering on indirect sex discrimination or constructive dismissal (if you left)or similar. I'm no expert but it sounds dodgy to me. She's implying that you're not up to the job because you have a young child who may be poorly in the future/childcare problems in the future - they wouldn't say that to a father I'd bet.

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