Organising childcare by grandparents - what to bear in mind?

[rubyhorse]

SIL is pregnant at the moment and will return to work after maternity leave. When she does, she'd like MIL to do as much of the childcare as MIL thinks possible.

MIL is currently thinking this through.

Has anyone got any advice I can give her about setting up this arrangement? I think it would benefit both of them to have lots of stuff agreed in advance.

Just thinking about

• what days and what hours
• agreement that childcare has been put in place for the rest of the time before the arrangement starts
• what happens in school holidays
• when the finish date for the arrangement is (it should be temporary in theory)
• what to do if there's a family emergency which means MIL needs to be elsewhere
• a date for review to make sure that everyone is happy with the arrangement

Anything else to bear in mind? Sorry to sound formal.

Well I have had MIL and my DP look after my two DCs. Its very hard work and can cause problems and resentment.

Neither do it now apart from the odd pick ups from nursery and school. If its in your SIL home she will have to come home from work to utter mess as they probably won't do any housework unless she is paying them to look after the DC's so she is doing the right thing by setting some ground rules.

So they all know where they stand. On the plus side its free care or cheap and its family and loving GP's.

Its all about trial and error. My DD is at school and DS at nursery twice a week its ok bit expensive but at least I don't have the stress and rows I had when GP's were doing it.

It will be in MIL's house, I think - so no housework done, but no mess created, either!

I agree, in a way - nobody else cares for your child exactly how you would like them to, 100% of the time, but with a nursery it's easy to ask for a change if you need to.

Am kind of worried that trial and error could be hard, so hoping that if they get an agreement together first it will help.

From reading threads here, they need to agree about what activities dc do and when, nap times, acceptable feeding practices (including weaning, if appropriate), treats policy. To smack or not to smack? Naughty corner? There will be more...

There is no easy way. Lots an lots of grandparents are taking care of the GC these days so the parents have some sort of a life. Some do not have family near by so we are lucky in a way that we do to help out but it is a double edged sword.
My DS has thrived in nursery and now very sociable where as if he was still with his GM don't think he would be.

My experience from friends is that does depend on the grandparent - how old/fit they are, how much they like small children etc. What has worked very well is one day a week - and other child care for the rest of the time - don't rule out childminders btw the way - also if grandparents do more than that - make sure they are taking the child to toddler groups etc- other wise the child can miss out a bit I think - and agree the issue is because they are doing you a favour then it can be hard to say - do it this way - if its not your only child care then you have more say I think

Have never tried a childminder myself, so can't comment there. It got to much for my DM in the end and we had an almighty row she didn't speak to me for weeks and I ended up putting DS in a local nursery. Which my DM still insists he doesn't like going to.

Slightly off topic, but if I were your SIL I would not tell work family is doing the childcare - They may otherwise take advantage of the fact that it is "flexible".

Cupcakeaddict - fair point. Although I think that MIL is hoping to be nearly as inflexible as any nursery or childminder - she has a pretty busy time of it as it is, tbh, and I can imagine that when she's off duty she'll have commitments which won't be easy to shift. Hence the need to try to tie things down now, maybe?

I think that stevienicks and Magicjamas both make the same valid point - that free childcare does come with its own price and you either find that you can pay it and leave the GPs to it, or that they just go too far out of your comfort zone, in which case you have to find different childcare.

Wish I had a crystal ball.

ruby, its you using the gp's as childcare isn't it , not "SIL"

Another thing to bear in mind is what to do when the grandparents go on holiday? An friend of mine was mortified when she found out her grandparents had arranged to go on holiday! She seemed to think it was her GP's responsibility to find alternative childcare arrangements and not her own!

My mum looks after my dc on a Thursday and Friday, and I have to be hyer, hypersensitive to the situation or she starts to feel completely 'put on'. I try to look for signs that she needs a break and schedule time off work.

It is a wonderful arrangement, but not without its issues and tensions.

I would be careful not to ask too much of gp. My mum does one day per week - full day with dc3 and collects dc2 from preschool on the same day. I try and get back as soon as I can to allow her to get home and rested.
I have also asked her to have dc1 and dc2 for one day in the occasional school holiday - the week I need to do this, I arrange something else the day she has dc3, so she only has one day per week with any combination of them.
It's a real help to me. However, she loves giving them sweets. Recently she gave dc3 (10 month) a full chocolate mousse -not ideal for me, but nothing I can do about it.
Bear in mind gp may get ill too and cannot have children.
Gp do need to commit to the arrangement - sometimes this can be a problem.

My parents look after DS1 and DS2 twice a week. They pick up DS1 from preschool on those days so at least they only have two to look after for half a day.

I didn't lay down any rules and did not set any expectations. They are doing us an enormous favour and I can live with the fact they let them eat chocolates and biscuits, and don't take them to any toddler groups or activity classes.

Both my DSs love being there and look forward to GP days