Almost 4 year old not coping with the change.

[Mirrorball]

I went back to work after being a SAHM, and the passed two weeks have been what feels like the biggest mistake of my life however we need the second income...

Youngest son (3.9m) is just not happy with lunchclub at preschool then going to childminder, who is a nice lady...

I am not sure what to do... he has been distraught in the mornings. Mon and Tues this week, then Tues and Wed next week. Nana here Thurs and I don't work Fri. I'm trying to tell myself he'll be fine and he's in excellent care, but I feel awful and SO guilty.

Does it get better/easier?

hi - they can go through clingy phases whether you are at work or not - which is the new bit for your son - just the childminder or all of it -
I am sure it will settle down - and some bribary might be answer - stars and promised special treat maybe
and is he just unhappy when you leave/drop him off or is he unhappy at preschool/childminders
also he might be tired - childminder are often not as restful as being at home after preschool - my DS1 often only wanted to watch tv for quite a while - maybe ask cm what she is doing with him

crw - he is happy when I pick him up, he had a meltdown at nursery because he associates lunch club now with me NOT picking him up. Childminder said when she picked him up he ran to her with a big hug.

He's unhappy when I drop him off and in the morning I get all the questions about what's happening that day.

He did ask if I would phone childminder to ask her if he could watch cbeebies when he got back to her house?! Which I did!

Bribery - I will try this!! Willing to try anything!

Thank you!

Oh poor lad - I am sure he will adjust - my DS1 was very similar at that age - he was ok at childminder but much preffered me picking him up
just a thought maybe childminder could give him lunch instead
and also it might help to talk about how he is feeling -and why he gets so upset etc
when he is calm of course -
and also why you are going to work and the good things about it

hi

It's good that your son has a bond with his childminder - i think the key with childcare is getting a close relationship going where they feel secure and loved. As crw suggests, maybe he could spend more time with her if possible?

Do you know which bit of the lunch club he is upset about? If he doesn't settle after a week or so, I think it's fine to think about changing the arrangements or setting. i did this with my little boy when he didn't settle at nursery. it just didn't feel right, so I found a childminder instead - boys in particular seem to thrive on 121 care and relationships.

Good luck!

Do you drop him off to nursery? He may just be being upset for you - my DS even now says he doesn't want to go to nursery and is very clingy if it is a day I drop him off. He is 4.2 and has been going since last Sept. He is fine when the CM drops him off. He only does it for me!

I always re-assure him that it is the same as any of the other days, and I make sure he is well settled with his friends and a game. We have a special wave and if he is still clingy I have to just prise him off and give him to the nursery teacher She always says he is fine after he has always been a bit of a mummy's boy.

Sounds like he might be getting very anxious because he doesn't know what is going to happen and when.

Would it help to make a chart showing the days of the week and stick some pictures on to talk him through what is going to happen and when?

We have done this for my DS (4.2 now, but had a major routine change at 3.8 when DD was born, when we made the chart) who gets very very anxious about routine changes and has to know exactly what is happening on what days.