Have I taken on too much?

[sleepneeded]

I have just started a new full time role - I have a 14 month old. I took all that 14 months off prior.

I am going to be out of the house at 7am and back at 7.30pm - this will be 5 days a week, mon to fri.
There may be the odd night travelling.

I am still breastfeeding - and so far have found my baby has been feeding all night!

I have not had much sleep yet. But I have been super organised.

My DH will do drop offs and picks ups for at least the next 10 weeks. This will go on, until I get a feel for the role and whether I can get flexibility with drop offs - although that is probably unlikely.

My child care is fantastic by the way and I put that in place some time before returning to work.

We have no family other than us. I also am fast approaching 40 and want to have another child but feel I need to work for a while longer first.

My boss is younger than me - no kids and no idea about kids but seems very switched on generally.

For the first little while I feel I have been under performing but I have high standards, and was really nervous going back to work.

I'm going to do some early starts to show my worth and I'm sure I will up my performance.

I also found my mind wandered to my baby (well now toddler). I never imagined the pull of my child!

My child does not sleep much - but maybe this will change when I work more.

Anyone else doing something similar and having it work???

Happy career, Happy child and Happy Life?

I'm going to get a cleaner in to help out too - so that on weekends I'm not just playing catch up with cleaning. My DH is pretty fab tbh.

How will you have a happy child if she doesn't see you during the week?

My child goes to sleep late - always has and wakes up early. So I will get four hours during the day and more time at weekends.

I hope once I have proved my worth at the new job I will be able to have more say as to my hours, i.e. get home an hour earlier.

There must be other people out there who have to work?

I have had 14 months solely with my child.

I also suppose other parents must have something similar?

Depending on how things goes my DH is considering dropping a day of work - but we are going to wait and see how the next 3 months pan out.

Actually I think I am going to ask for this thread to go.

I've just got to do what I've got to do and have to get on with it.

I'm not the first woman in the world to work FT, I only have one child (so far) and have a wonderful DH, great care and as such I have a great deal to be thankful for.

Not a very helpful comment grabaspoon .

I work full time (shift work) and have a 4 year ols and a 16month old. I took 13 months maternity with both of them. They are both extremely happy children. Of course I feel guilty about not seeing them all the time, but I spend all the time I'm not at work with them.

DD is still breastfed (only once or twice a day, depending on my shift - had to cut out the night feeds a month or so ago to preserve my sanity!)

You need to get a cleaner, do your shopping online, and outsource as much as you can afford/can't do without (ironing, cleaning etc).

It is possible to work full time & have happy kids, but you do need to forget about having any time to yourself .

I note in your post you mention getting in early to 'prove your worth', I'm not a fan of this 'being seen' mentality and think it's more important to make every second of your working day count, without feeling you need to put in extra hours. Sounds awful, but I try to forget about my children when I get into the office so that I can focus properly on work. I even take this as far as not having any photos of them at work so they don't distract me!

I hope things go well for you back at work.

I recognise your situation - being a mam but also trying to desperately prove that it hasn't affected your working life. I was exactly the same when I returned after mat leave. And the truth was that it took me a while to realise that I HAD changed but could still be good at my job.
Presenteeism is rife in our business. Arriving early and staying late. But I have learned to be efficient during the day, avoid all the downtime gossip and take shorter breaks.
I leave at five but log on after bedtime to finish off.
You can't be perfect and your baby needs a happy mam as well as you wanting a happy baby. I realised that after having a near melt down one week.
Good luck with everything!

I think the key to your op was 'my child care is fantastic' im a nursery nurse (not currently working though) and Ive looked after babies and toddlers for parents who worked similar hours - I loved those babies like they were my own and I too was loved in return,my first 'borrowed babies' are in their v late teens now and I still sometimes see them- we had such lovely times together we all look back on it happily.

MrsGritty Thank you for the practical tips!

Thank you nickschick for your post.
The care that Nickschick describes is similar to the case that I think my child has and will continue to have.

I do not have much of a choice at the moment with FT position.

I'm in an industry where I can not reduce hours currently. These are very good posts and are so helpful. However, I think I could compress hours or look at starting early and leaving earlier.

I was mainly going to do the get in early thing, partly for my benefit as I think it will take me time to get up to speed, but I realise that I need to be careful and start as I intend to go on so need to work smart.

Thinking it through, I think I could take the lead for Ken Dodds -I'm sure do something similar, leave earlier and log in at night if I need to. This is something that I will aim to discuss with my manager when I can.

If I started early and left early then my travel time would be significantly shorter (not that it is bad but it would be very much shorter if I left around 5pm, I might even be able to start earlier and leave at 4 or 4.30pm which would be ideal).

Cat Childminding hours will be similar to what you state, as DH will do pick up and drop off. I have just discussed it with DH and he is willing to do the pick and drop off for as long as he needs to and if that is permanent it will be. DH has much more flexibility and can work to catch up hours later in the evening if he needs to, however he thinks he won't need to do this.

MrsKitty thank you for the post about bfing too. I will try cut out night feeds. KenDogs and MrsKitty you've given me lots to think about.

Thank you all very much. I'm very glad I didn't get the thread pulled.

A little bit of evening work, even half an hour also sets you up for rhe next day. I'm very lucky in that my travel time is short but my DH also works away a few days a week. See you have joined the working mams thread too so make sure you keep us updated.

Hi sleepneeded I can't think of a more apt nickname - how on earth do you do it? I am currently a SAHM of sorts - I manage to do some freelance work which keeps me stimulated! My youngest has just started school, so I recently applied for what I thought was a pt job but, at interview, was told they actually wanted me ft. This is a good job, doing what I love, with excellent ££, car, etc, but an hour's commute away. I have spent a week weighing up the pros and cons - and decided ultimately it was just not for me. I would have been leaving the house at 7, just after my DH, and getting home at 6 in time to collect the kids from childcare. It would have been possible but (and it's a big but) it was just not for me. I write a blog and have just posted something all about my dilemma here www.mumchat.wordpress.com
What I would say; no, SHOUT; is that there is no right and wrong for any situation. I cannot bear women who impose their own thoughts and prejudices on other people's situations; either the SAHMs who criticise working mums for "abandoning" their kids, nor the working mums who look pityingly at the poor saps who have no life outside their family. Parenting is tough. Whatever route you choose will leave you feeling guilty. It comes with the territory. Don't let other people get you down about it. But by the same token don't ever feel you have NO CHOICE. That is the phrase I hate the most. We all have and make choices; we have to learn to live with the ones we make. Good luck. And try to get some sleep! x

Brilliant advice on here. I think you'll find that as months go by and this is really what you want to do, you'll find ways of getting organised. It will never be easy but if you are fulfilled deep down, it will be the right thing for you.

If your childcare is fab then I think you will be fine, there are plenty of dads who leave everything to their SAHM wives all week and have lovely times at the weekend and on holiday with their children, so you are just taking on that role. Also encourage afternoon naps, then your child will have a later bedtime and so see you more in the evening. In Spain, restaurants open for dinner really late by UK standards based on the tradition of a siesta (although in practice I don't think many working Spaniards get to have one any more).

What lovely posts. I'm knackered already. Today went well, I only woke once last night as DH settled our little peanut from one earlier waking.

I did breakfast and a bit of play in the morning before leaving for work. I made it back home well before 7pm, travel to work and back was excellent.

When I got home my lovely little peanut came rushing to the door and played peek a boo. I've organised a cleaner to start next week.

I stayed a bit late at work but no one else did, and I didn't send any emails to anyone to alert them of my presence, I just worked a bit so that I had a bit of learning time.

DH had dinner ready, plus had done 2 loads of washing, and folded and put away the washing I put out the night before.

I'd cooked an extra baby meal and some more snacks for the little one for the weekend - so we all had dinner at the table (well my little peanut had 2 dinners, as nursery had also provided dinner!).

Then it was time for some reading of books, a bit of drawing and bath with the little one.

It's 10pm and I'm in bed. Put my little one to bed after 2 bfeeds, one when I walked through the door.

Good night all!

I did very similar to you after my dd was born, worked around a 60 hour week plus nights and weekends. I was also still breastfeeding and like you had a very supportive dh.
I also co slept which helped and accepted that I couldn't have a social life ad well as work ft and see my kids. I pretty much didn't see friends for a year.
I did however make the mistake of working later than everyone else as o didn't want to be seen "slacking" because I had kids when all my colleagues were childless.
I am now part time after having ds and honestly don't know how I did it, but I did and was less tired than I am now!
I go ft again in 3 weeks so am bracing myself!
I wish you the best of luck and you sound like you have it pretty sussed.

You've got to sort out your DC's sleep before you burn yourself out. How can you function at work on so little sleep? Can your nanny help you sort this out. Your DC should be asleep when you get home, keeping him/her up late is probably making the situation worse. Good luck.

How are you getting on?

Really helpful tips and support so thank you everyone.

Thanks Knackeredmother and good luck to you for the return to FT work! Co-sleeping really does help.

Ken- I'm doing fine, thank you . Yes I am doing the shorter breaks through the day. I 'm sure my boss will be fine with email contact if required later and I intend doing the get in early and don't stay late routine.

My peanut was teething a bit through the night last night and DH snored so I didn't get much sleep but I had a really good week.

I think I'm coming down with a cold but I'm sorted for next week (got outfits ready for each day) and I had a lovely day with walks to park, feeding ducks, breakfast out and a general amble around but now I'm back ready to watch the rugby.

I've done crazy hours in the past - pre-baby and I think I have learnt from that in terms of getting organised and handling stress.

House tidy, despite it looking like the cleaner I had planned is going to fall through. But, so far I really really like my new role, everything good at home too, everyone happy and everyone healthy.

I am feeling quite blessed tbh.