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A past situation at work is bothering me a lot - Should I ask for a meeting?

5 replies

MeantToStopAtTwo · 13/03/2011 12:22

I'm about to return to work after maternity leave. Shortly before I left this time last year, I was involved with a very tricky and unpleasant client who ended up becoming verbally very aggressive towards me (when yes, charmingly, I was heavily pregnant).

The company were very supportive, backed me 100%, and terminated all dealings with the client. I was asked to provide a written account of what had happened ('but only if you have time'), then told to forget it and go off and enjoy my mat leave.

Yet, a year on, as I prepare to return to the job, this is bothering me hugely. My main issue is how I handled it. I feel responsible for allowing things to reach that point at all and don't feel I dealt with the situation well. I was far too apologetic and did not stand up for myself or defend the company enough.

I'm worried that my manager thinks the same and I'm still unclear exactly how she would have liked me to handle things. She had a lot going on around that time and we never had a proper chance to discuss it before I went off on leave. I also don't know exactly what was said to her in the aftermath. I know the client made a formal complaint, yet when I asked for the details of this her message was very much one of, 'Don't worry, it's not important.'

I rather get the impression that some quite awful things were said but that she didn't want to tell me when I was so close to giving birth and had already experienced so much unnecessary stress. I do greatly appreciate her trying to protect me in that way but I'm worried that things may have been said which were untrue and/or slanted unfairly and that I have not had a chance to defend them.

I have a very good relationship with my manager on balance. I emailed her a few weeks ago about a couple of other things and mentioned that this is really bothering me and that I'd like to talk it through with her before my return to work. She responded in a very supportive way yet ignored me request my for a meeting. I'm not sure whether this was deliberate or whether she just overlooked it.

I'm thinking about emailing again to say that this is really bothering me a lot and has destroyed all my positivity about returning to work (because truly it is and has). I keep replaying that scene in my mind and trying to imagine alternative ways of handling it, in a way which is intrusive and upsetting. I feel there is still unfinished business here, that this issue isn't going to go away until we've talked it through, and that it really would mean a lot to me if she could spare half-an-hour for a chat.

Will she think I'm being completely neurotic do you think? Am being completely neurotic?

OP posts:
crystalglasses · 13/03/2011 13:29

Why don't you arrange a 'return to work' meeting with your manager. You could send her an agenda of things you think are important to discuss eg any updates about procedure, company policy, new practices plus the unfinihed business you 've already mentioned to her.

MeantToStopAtTwo · 13/03/2011 13:52

Thanks, that's a good suggestion but unfortunately one I've sort of already tried. I went in to see her just before Xmas to touch base and was hoping to casually bring up the subject then. It really didn't work. There were people coming in and out all the time (it's a semi open-plan office), she had lots going on and kept being interrupted by phone calls, etc. It just didn't feel appropriate to bring up something so emotional. I need her full attention and I know her well enough to know that the only way to get that is to ask for it outright in advance.

OP posts:
crystalglasses · 13/03/2011 14:14

Do you have a personnel manager that you could speak to? If it is affecting your mental health it needs to be addressed but otherwise if your manager is so supportive of you I would let it go as rehashing it might be more distressing. If you are worried that the event will have repercussions on the way you are perceived or treated in future, you could ask if you can read your personal file to see if anything is recorded there. If it isn't, you won't have anything to worry about.

MeantToStopAtTwo · 13/03/2011 17:29

No personnel manager unfortunately. Actually the more I think about it, the more I realise that this is mainly about my relationship with my manager and wanting reassurance that this incident hasn't affected her view of me in any way. It's important to me that she understands exactly what I was up against and the reasons behind my response.

It's a shame I went on mat leave when I did really as I've rather missed the boat for clearing this up. It's going to seem odd to drag it up again a year later yet I still feel strongly that it's something I need to do.

OP posts:
GrendelsMum · 13/03/2011 18:26

Would it be sensible for you to ask about some form of training in conflict resolution, dealing with difficult people, assertiveness training, etc?

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