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Work

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Original poster

I've had six months of hell and I feel vulnerable at work.

26 replies

mousebacon · 10/03/2011 22:04

Hello, I'd really like some advice on what (if anything) I can/should do about the situation I find myself in.

I'm a teacher with management responsibility.

At the end of September I miscarried my baby at 11+ weeks. 10 days later I had an op for retained products. I was then told I had MRSA after my surgery and needed treatment for that.

I went back to work after october half term (3 weeks on the sick)

The baby was cremated on the 1st of December.

I then found out I was pg again but started to bleed at about 6 weeks. I bled every day but 2 early scans were reassuring. I then went to my 12 week scan to be told the baby had died. I had an erpc 2 days later. I only had 1 week off.

Last week was the baby's cremation on wednesday, an emergency scan on thurday where I was told they suspected molar then hospital on friday for another erpc as the last one had failed (I was full of retained products.) That op was cancelled and done on saturday.

I went back to work on monday, still in my surgical stockings...

My boss arranged a meeting with me on monday to tell me that she will be proceding with capability procedings if a set list of things aren't completed by May half term.

I'm just so tired and worn out by all of this. I have been pg or bleeding since august. I love my job and through all of this have struggled into work so as not to let anyone down and now this

OP posts:

bethelbeth · 10/03/2011 23:08

If she goes down the route of capability proceedings (which would be a bit thoughtless to be honest)then do you not have a fair argument in saying that this has been a one-off period of time and that you would hope to god it's not likely to reoccur.

It's not like it's something that can be actively avoided!

Is it actually likely that certain things won't be completed by half term?

I am so sorry for your loss also...this must be very hard to deal with on top of everything else.

hairylights · 11/03/2011 09:19

So sorry for your loss. I sympathise as I have mc three times since
last June.

I personally think you should probably be off sick. You sound worn out and like you've gone back to work too soon. See your doctor for a note. Appeal any move to capability procedures on grounds of your ill health

LoveBeingAKnockedUp · 11/03/2011 09:29

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this.

Do you think you have put too much of a brave face on things? Gone in when you shouldn't have? You must take care of yourself.

My thoughts, are you in a union? I would have thought it very differicult to proceed with action of this sort due to complications of miscarriages tbh. Sounds like they are going this way because they can't get you on sickness. But it can't really be separated can it.

I wonder if an occ health refferal might be a good idea?

Btw what do you think of the items they want done by the end of term, if you had no further time off, which no-one can guarentee, do you feel you could complete it?

Grevling · 11/03/2011 13:40

Does your manager know the reason for you being off. Seems very shit if she does and she's still going on about capability grounds.

muddleduck · 11/03/2011 13:43

you need to put yourself first for a while and stop worrying about work

go see your gp TODAY and get some time off.

Original poster

mousebacon · 11/03/2011 17:42

Thank you ladies. Yes, my boss knows all the details of what I've been through and was definately a factor in me going back to work so soon - she wanted me back on the Monday after my second loss. I considered this (mug that I am) then got signed off for a week instead.

I am tempted to go on the sick but I'm not sure where that would leave me in terms of working relationships when I went back. Also, I love my class and the thought of leaving them again really saddens me.

The list of jobs is probably do-able but I just can't even motivate myself to get started Ive never felt this low before - it's like wading through treacle everyday.

Thank you all for the advice; it's very much appreciated.

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muddleduck · 11/03/2011 19:42

I hate that phrase "on the sick".

you would not be going "on the sick". You have been through two events that were traumatic both physically and mentally, you went back to work far too early and now you need time to recover.

please don't let your boss bully you into making yourself even more unwell.

You don't have to be a hero. I know you feel bad about your class, but if you were my son's teacher I'd want you to go home and look after yourself. Teachers are allowed to be people too you know

please go and see your gp on Monday.

unfitmother · 11/03/2011 19:54

Very sorry to hear of your losses. I think you should see your gp and your union.

bethelbeth · 11/03/2011 21:30

On a personal level I don't think that you're being treated fairly. I would agree with other posters and consult your union xx

anonymum11 · 11/03/2011 22:19

So sorry to hear what you're going through.
It's definitely time to put yourself first for a while. Talk to your GP about fitness for work, as they can recommend a phased return to work or a change in duties. I can't believe you were only signed off for a week - I've been signed off for a week for just a bad cold! And if your GP isn't sympathetic, book an appointment for another doctor in the surgery.

BranchingOut · 11/03/2011 22:36

As a teacher and ex-senior manager, reading your story, I feel ashamed of my profession.

Why, why are some schools so poor at looking after their staff?

The meeting you should have been having on Monday was a 'return to work' meeting to guage your wellbeing and appraise you of any developments that had taken place in your absence.

It was possibly reasonable to inform you of short term and medium term tasks that need to be undertaken, but to threaten you with capability proceedings? NO.

Unless there have been previous concerns about your performance at work which you have failed to address (despite support) then your HT is being completely unreasonable. I feel that this could be considered bullying.

Please get advice from your union or at least post on the TES forums for more teacher input. There are a couple of union bods on there who are brilliant.

Original poster

mousebacon · 12/03/2011 09:07

Thank you again. I hadn't thought of tes, I'll have a look over there.

There have never been any concerns about my work. I'm a good/outstanding teacher and passed all my performance management targets with flying colours last July.

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NeedMenInWhiteCoats · 13/03/2011 17:22

I am so sorry you have been through this. I have to agree that you have been very stoic (sp?) and taken very little time of considering what must have been a very physically and mentally traumatic time.

Have you had a look in the NJC Burgandy Book? If you don't already know about it please PM me and I will email you a copy. This outlines and reconfirms all your legal + union agreed rights, and I am 99% sure that it says that you the school can't take any action for pregnancy related sick leave, which the leave that you describe would fall under. Please please have a look - what they are doing is very very morally wrong.

xxx

MeantToStopAtTwo · 13/03/2011 17:34

I have no constructive advice to give I'm afraid, but gosh what a traumatic time you have been through. Have a hug from me.

AxisofEvil · 13/03/2011 22:28

I am so sorry for what you have been through.

From what you've said this sounds like action for pregnancy sickness. Which is highly inappropriate.

If you are in a union then involve them asap. You do not have to put up with this.

Original poster

mousebacon · 16/03/2011 10:56

Thank you again ladies. Things were taken out of my hands over the weekend when I had a massive, spontaneous bleed and was rushed back into hospital.

However, my boss has started texting me asking to come to my house for a meeting. Just don't want to deal with work at the mo.

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trixymalixy · 16/03/2011 12:42

Surely this is discrimination as the sickness is pregnancy related?!?!

GrendelsMum · 16/03/2011 13:04

I think your boss is starting to behave very inappropriately.

I don't know quite how this worked, but in a similar situation, a teacher friend went to the HR dept of the LA. They were extremely supportive of her, extremely angry with the SMT at her school for putting the LA in a position where they could have been sued, and a very positive resolution was agreed.

KatieMiddleton · 16/03/2011 13:17

Talk to your union. They should give you advice to deal with this properly - someone to talk things through, accompany you to any meetings etc.

What I would expect them to say is that your manager needs to be very clear as to why you are not allegedly meeting the required standard. If it is because you have been absent and therefore unable to complete tasks due to a pregnancy related condition you have protection under the new legislation in the Equality Act 2010 because pregnancy is a protected characteristic and you must not suffer any unfavourable treatment because of it.

A good manager would be looking to support your return to work so you can do your job effectively. Not threatening you.

chocciemum · 16/03/2011 22:51

OMG, no constructive advice, your boss is a bitch, very similar to mine. Please take some time off work and consult with HR and your union. Lots of luck and big hugs

tethersend · 16/03/2011 22:58

You must ask your manager to put it all in writing (email will do) and consult your union.

This is completely unacceptable.

LatteLady · 18/03/2011 00:08

As a Chair of Govs and an HR professional, I would not be happy.

You need to contact your Union, you need a copy of the school's capability process and I would also ask for a referral to OH.

Next you should find out if your LA has an Employee Assistance Programme (most councils do and as a teacher you are entitled to contact them), if they do and you are not in a Union call them immediately, the advice that they will give you is confidential and free.

TBH, I am surprised that you are in school, did your GP or hospital not issue you with a post op cert? If you are working when you are signed off then it negates the school's insurance should anything happen to you on-site.

I have a feeling that your line manager has not spoken to your personnel provider for advice and may have gone rogue - is this a primary or secondary? I have an awful feeling that she is trying to roll together sickness and capability which is both inappropriate and shows a lack of basic HR knowledge.

I would be most unhappy if this was going on in a school where I was a Chair.

LoveBeingKnockedUp · 18/03/2011 06:34

Texting you is not an appropriate method of communication. It is possible she is looking to do a home visit as you are off however this is not the way to go about it. How about getting your dh to call her and ask what is it she wants and could she please write or call him rather than text?

KatieMiddleton · 18/03/2011 10:49

Please don't ask her to speak to your husband. Unless you have a physical or mental health condition why you cannot communicate verbally then involving others just makes it more complicated and can make you look less professional.

There's some good advice on this thread. If you want her to leave you be send a short note in with your sick note saying while you are signed off you do not want any contact from work but that you are happy to be fully briefed on your return to work about any work matters.

Hope you got through to your union and you have some support from them.

Original poster

mousebacon · 18/03/2011 11:18

Thank you for the continued advice. I am currently off work due to being hospitalized at the weekend. I have contacted my union and their advice is to get well, email them about everything and they will support me if I need them to.

I'm not sure why my boss wants to visit but I'll put her off for as long as I can. I'm back at the hospital for more tests next week.

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