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Your Opinion Greatly Appreciated - all little long.

8 replies

Treadmillmom · 01/03/2011 21:18

Made redundant in 2005 12 weeks pregnant with baby no.3.
Fine with it really, an opportunity to enjoy pregnancy and older children so chose to be a SAHM.
DH in a very good job so no major financial worries.
November 2010 DH is made redundant; I see this as a perfect opportunity to go back to work.
Cannot find family friendly part time job so opt to temp and this has worked out fabulously, I've worked nearly every week and childcare all taken care of by SAHD.
Struck gold last week (I think), a long term temp contract till Oct '11 with local authority Weds/Thurs/Fri 9am - 3pm, yippee.
DH also lands a new job, great salary starts Monday.
Now the dilemma. I earn £7.50 per hour, average child-minder £4 per hour (1 child term time, 3 children holidays).
You don't have to be Carol Vorderman to work out it?s not really economically viable that I as an individual work HOWEVER:
My CV is now current.
I have my foot in the door of local authority.
I'm covering a maternity leave and she wants to come back P/T in Oct, job share opportunity.
I'm lurving working again.
Based on family income it is financially viable.
DH is not buying it, doesn't think it's worth me working, and thinks I'm '...stupid...as it's so obvious...'.
What do you think, are my reasons for working justifiable?

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realrabbit · 01/03/2011 22:00

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venusandmars · 02/03/2011 11:14

Firstly, congratulations to you for doing so well, and to your dh on getting another job.

It's always much more complicated than the simple maths isn't it? Of course there is the money side to it, but there's also your self-esteem and happiness, the complexity of your day-to-day lives, and the risk in this uncertain economic climate.

Is your dh concerned that your continued working will make his day-to-day life more complicated? will he have responsibilities for picking-up / drop-off, or might he have to take time off if the dc were sick? Did he enjoy you being a SAHM because it made his life easier? If so, what can you do to reassure him about his concerns and persude him of him equal responsibilites as a parent.

How did your dh feel as a SAHD? Does he feel that the traditional roles are now re-established, with him as wage-earner, and if so does that improve his self-esteem? Unfortuntely you have both experienced redundancy, perhaps he can be persuaded that employment for both of you reduces the overall risk of your household being without income in the future (or perhaps this is an idea that he doesn't even want to consider?)

As for you - the benefits are many - a feeling that you are contributing to the household income, you are working and getting experience and access to opportunities. How long till your youngest dc is at school? Can your dh see this in terms of a longer time frame?

Also, the cost of childcare should be something joint, it is not solely your responsibility i.e. coming from your salary. In fact, you could argue that since you have been working and supporting the family and HE is the one who is now going back to work, then the cost of child care should be deducted from his perceived income.

Vintagepommery · 02/03/2011 11:24

IME men aren't v good at seeing the long game.

You could point out to him that if you carry on working your salary is likely to increase, making it more viable in future whereas if you give up then you may have to go back to square one.

Bramshott · 02/03/2011 11:34

Of course your reasons for working are justifiable!

Presumably you won't have one child in term-time childcare for very long - does your youngest go to school this year?

minipie · 02/03/2011 11:53

As others have said, you need to get him to look at the longer term benefits not just the short term maths:

  • you will be there as earning back up in case he should lose his job again
  • youngest will go to school in due course so childcare costs will reduce
  • you may be able to earn more in future which would put you in "profit" after childcare
  • you will be happier...

And, as others say, there's no reason childcare costs should be seen as coming out of your salary rather than out of his.

Bramshott · 02/03/2011 12:07

Actually Minipie has a good point - you are already working, you're just switching jobs. He is the one who was previously not working and is now starting a new job - so does his salary cover the childcare he was previously providing for free Wink. It does? Great, then there's no problem?!

crw1234 · 03/03/2011 10:25

Just to say- totally agree with the above posters - go for it - short term its not going to bring you in huge amount of money - but presuamly some -
and also you probably won't need to pay for childcare for all 3 children for all of the school holidays - quite a few threads in other areas about what people do- but child swapping, grandparents, annual leave all come into it

Treadmillmom · 03/03/2011 14:22

Thank you all for your posts.
I have used all arguments.
DC3 will be 3 in Sept so free childcare kicks in Jan 2012.
He's not stopping me from working but I certainly don't have his enthusiam or blessing which is unfortunate but he'll get used to it eh?
By the way, he absolutely adored being a SAHD these last 4 months and I know he'll be driving to work with a heavy heart on Monday morning.

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