DH signed off with anxiety/stress/depression - his boss is telling me he needs to meet with him ?

[CMOTdibbler]

A month ago, dh had what used to be called a nervous breakdown - just couldn't cope at all anymore. He works in a high pressure/stress industry, and its all been building up for a while.

He's been signed off for another 2 months, but his boss (who has been very pushy with me tbh) has just phoned and said he needs to meet with him.

I'm not very happy about this as I think it will push his anxiety levels way up again - just talking about work is too much, and his boss is not great.

Is he required to go in and meet with him ? I always thought that employers were supposed to leave you alone when signed off

Thanks for any help - I'm juggling his issues, a 4 year old, my ft job and my own health issues, so not as confident as usual

Leaving someone entirely alone when signed off long term sick is not particularly good practice. Better practice is to stay in touch on a reasonably regular basis, making sure the person doesn't feel isolated from work, finding out updates on their progress and what support the employer can give to facilitate improvement/return to work.

All that depends on the nature of the condition as well of course.

I would suggest you do two things. Firstly ask the boss to confirm what the meeting is actually for, and see whether it's for any of the reasons listed.

Secondly, get your DH's doctor's opinion on whether this would be a good idea or not, especially bearing in mind what his condition is and how it is presumably at least partly work-related.

Then take it from there. I would suggest that if the consensus is that actually a discussion with his boss isn't a bad idea, having him come and see your DH rather than getting your DH to go into work might be better.

But find out the purpose of the meeting and the doctor's opinion first.

Does he get sick pay from his employer? Just that there may be conditions attached to that if so.

Are there any changes going on at work? I've just had to call a staff member signed off for similiar reasons to update her on the current redunacny scheme and other coporate changes.

Could he do it in writing or over the phone if a meeting would be too hard?

Dhs GP told him not to even think about work until she sees him again in 2 weeks, let alone plan return stuff.

DH won't even answer the home phone atm as he gets worked up about who it might be, so a phone chat wouldn't work.

His boss is a large part of the problem, and not particularly helpful imo - he suggested meeting at a motorway services (he, dh and the whole team are homebased) originally, which seemed v inappropriate.

He is getting full sick pay, but I think meetings with HR/Occ Health are only required after 6 months

Ok in that case I would say go back to boss, say medical recommendation is no contact with work at present, but if boss man can let you know what the meeting is for, you will ask GP at next appointment whether/when she feels it might be possible.

if it's something like a work change he needs to be informed of, get him to send a letter which you can obviously open.

Its dangerous for HR departments or line managers to pressure staff to attend meetings about stress absences that are by definition more stressful than work itself - it is too easy for the employee to make a case for undue pressure and to extend stress leave. Suggesting meeting in a motorway service station is highly inappropriate, especially if it is without HR and reasonable would be considered to have sounded intimidatory. If, as it sounds, the boss is not a nice guy who might be trying to build bridges (very unlikely in this type of situation) this communication should be noted, copied back in writing through HR with a clear statement that medical advice has clearly stated no contact.

Contacting you to put pressure on him about what should be a confidential issue between him and his employer is highly risky for this manager even if intentions were good.

I have worked on a case where an employee on strong pain killers and antibiotics was pressured to attend a training course during which he passed out and recieved a head injury. The HR department of the employee were livid as this directly invalidated their liability insurance and put them at risk of legal action.

My answer would be no meetings without medical clearance - I know HR professionals often think it is often OK to arrange a meeting and then to move to dismissal if the person on stress leave doesn't attend - that doesn't mean this is sendible or appropriate behaviour and both doctor and tribunal will regard this as very dangerous behaviour.

I don't know any HR professionals who would arrange meetings with people absent due to stress and then dismiss them for none attendance. A minority of stupid line managers yes. HR professionals no.

OP I would contact HR to make them aware of the situation. If your dh's line manager is contributing to his condition they need to be aware and it's possible they're not. Especially if he's suggested somebody who's had a nervous breakdown meets at motorway services. That's such appallingly bad practice I can't believe any HR professional would be party to it.

I would also heed flowery's advice about following doctor's advice. Having a process to follow in these things helps enormously ime. And that process may just be: follow doc's advice, liaise with HR, get your DH well.

I know this isn't very HR-y but do you have someone looking after you? To listen to you and provide some practical support while this is all happening?

Thanks all - I really appreciate you taking the time.

I'll call DHs GP and ask her advice. I would have no idea who to contact with regard to HR - as DH isn't attached to a physical office it leaves him a bit at sea.

No, no support. We've had a terrible year overall, and tbh, I've had far more support from Mnetters than in RL

For the HR department call the company switchboard or there might be a number on your dh's pay slip.

Sounds like you could do with some support. I will have a think about that and see if I have any suggestions. Can you say where in the country you are?

They have a lot of UK offices though, so not sure where his HR dept would be. Don't want to cause him anxiety by asking either.

Am in Worcs

Hi - I would talk to HR -I would just try main switch board and go from there - they should be able to find you the right person, may take a couple of call. as well as dicussing issue when you get the right person find out if from the them if they have an occupational health department - a good occupational health proffesional can be invaluable - I speak from personal experience. I also would not advise a meeting with the manager without HR at least present and as I said a meeting with occupational health might be more useful and sometimes they have access to things like CBT which are quite difficult to access on the NHS and can be invaluable with stress/depression - again in my personal experience.

no chance DH is in a union as that can be helpful as well

Definitely concur with previous poster re making HR aware. This manager is behaving appallingly - motorways service station , but sadly this is all too common.
A colleague had a similar but not so serious issue with our horrible boss recently - she contacted HR and innocently asked them to email the company policy on the issue - they have to have one and they have to follow procedures. I can tell you HR jumped instantly on the manager for his cavalier attitude and non-compliance with policy - they were terrified at being exposed by the numpty. They need to tread very carefully with your DH - he is sick, signed off, and needs to be given proper information regarding his rights/obligations are, and the company's.

In cases like thus it is good practice for his work to leave him alone until such time as he feels ready, rather than when they feel ready. It's early days and he needs time to start to recover. I would write politely explaining that he is not yet ready to even consider anything to do with work.

HR DO do silly things like start disciplinary for non-attendance of meetings scheduled when an employee is on stress leave - maybe at the behest of management, but they still do it. I have chaired a development session for HR professionals following CIPD quals where this very issue was debated with more that half the room stating that legally they were perfectly within their rights to behave like this, and often had. They are, and so they do, but it still exposes them to dramatic medical and legal challenge.

Reply to OP ONLY - make a note in diary of all contacts. i despise these bosses picking at ill people this is just why Dh is partly poorly in first place. Being signed off means just that. Try to get some independant advice. Get it logged with GP also, and make sure you see GP sand get any stress logged. I know it all seems strategic but you never know how these HR/bosses are going to go.

Your DH will get better, tell him this everyday and concentrate on basics, gettin dressed and doind little things in/out home every day if you can - you shouldnt having to be worrying about bloody phonecalls from his work at all. (oh i very annoyed for you).

I would be inclined to contact HR and mention that your dh is feeling stressed about contact with boss and Dr has advised him not to think about work for a couple of weeks.

I would also push for an earlier Occ Health appt. They can make a decision based on what your dh tells them as to whether he is fit for meetings. If he is not, they will advise the HR dept that he is not fit to attend meetings at present. They will recommend a length of time he needs to be off work. They will also recommend adjustments on his return to help him cope. If your dh tells them his stress is work related, they will try to identify the causes and suggest ways that they can be reduced. Employers can also offer funded counselling sometimes.

OP - it would not surprise me if the HR Dep't were unaware of what your DH's boss was suggesting. Ring the main switchboard and ask for HR - if you feel it would be easier, do it from outside your home so that your DH does not have to listen.

I think you will find you get a very sympathetic hearing as most HR professionals know only too well about picking up the pieces when a manager thinks that he knows better than them.

I don't think a motorway service station is that bad! Some stations have private rooms you can book and it is neutral territory - I doubt your DH would want to to into head office or the manager coming to his house!

I agree with hmmm, if this has been triggered by work related issues, a quick ref feral to occ health is required. I am sure that is not meant to be delayed until absence has been ongoing for 6 months because that defeats the purporse of Occ health input.

Thanks all - Dh managed to call HR today, and they told him that they would deal with his manager, and no need to meet. Very nice lady apparently, but even that caused him huge anxiety