Whats it like to commute 5 days a week?

[Pamperme]

Hi

I have been offered a job back in Marketing which is what I did pre starting a family 4 years ago, but only problem is it means commuting to London 5 days a week.

From where I live it means a 1.5 hr commute leaving at 7 and probably returning home by 7. I have 2 young children aged 3 and 4 ( the older one starts school in September).

I currently work on a self employed basis but it doesnt pay the bills, or not enough to stay in the house we are in.

My main concerns are will 5 days a week be shattering, how will my kids cope and am I not abandoning them as only really get bedtimes and weekends? My hubby works shifts so they wont always be with a child minder.

Thanks

Its not good TBH. I only have to commute 2 days a week and it annoys me. The best bet is to see if you can change your hours 7 - 3 is what I do. Means a very, very early start 5am but I miss most of the crush on the roads.

Gruelling. I commuted for 6 months. You?ll need stamina and a lot of support from your partner & family. I have a classmate whose boss (in strategy consulting) travels to clients with her 4 children and the two nannies. Another acquaintance lived apart from her DH and shared the kids, he took DS, she took DD. Got together at week-ends. Compared to this your plan sounds very "normal". We had a period when my DH lived 3 hours away in bed and breakfast to avoid impossible commute. There were stern critics but they were the ones without kids or without a career..
I don't think abandoning is the right word. You are obviously loving and caring for them deeply. I suppose you are considering this job because it matters to you. I would think your family supports your important choices. Once you are established in the job you might go part time or jump jobs. Something will come up. Think of it the alternatives. If you gooogle Marketingladder or something like this , they show your local highly paid marketing jobs. Job titles are for free and with research you can figure out the company. Would you be happy with the outcome that you wouldn't be able to resume your marketing career? What if circumstance of your DH change in the long term?

Good luck!

It is exhausting - is there any possibility of doing compressed hours? This would give you one day off to recuperate every fortnight?

Even though your husband works shifts you'll still need to book the children into a childminder for the whole 5 days as its unlikely that you'd be able to find a childminder with the same flexibility.

If you are doing the commuting then you will need your dh to take responsibility for everything to do with teh chidren during the week as you'll be exhausted to think about it - imo juggling childcare only gets harder once the children are at school.

Even though your husband works shifts won't he need the time 'off' to recuperate from his shift work - does he do nights? Would it be possible for him to reduce his hours to give you the opportunity to return to work?

Personally I wouldn't do a commute that was over an hour.

I've just applied for voluntary redundancy for the very reason that I could no longer cope with the commute; 110 miles and 3/4 hours on the road. Having done the journey for 12 years I wouldn't recommend it. I arrive at work frazzled and stressed and arrive home in the same frame of mind. This is even though I love my job when I get there. The 'juggling' got worse when my children started school.

it will be tiring and you will need to learn to do everything quickly. the worst periods will be when there's problems with the trains or accidents on the roads. but 15 years ago most mothers that i knew worked 5 day weeks as it was virtually impossible to get a decent job PT. and in marketing travelling is a job hazard - so whether you are doing a formal commute or out for the day you may well be doing the same hours.

my children don't seem to have suffered as a result - i was always jealous of all the mums who i knew going to coffee mornings, the park and generally chilling out. we had a nanny as more flexible than childminders and i did eventually go PT and throw in any chance of promotion.

Did you commute this distance pre-children? If so, then you have some idea of what it will be like. If not, I would think long and hard before committing to it. Commuting can be soul-destroying particularly if you are on a bad train line or drive through a traffic hot-spot. i have just gone back to work 4 days a week after only 3 years out and with a much shorter commute and am shattered by the weekend.

I think you need a nanny rather than a childminder. Many childminders will start early or finish late but it is difficult to find one who will do both ends of the day, if you need 7-7 care. A nanny will mean that you don't have to get your children dressed (and possibly fed if they can't wait for breakfast) and out the door by 7. Depending on where you find the childminder, you are also potentially adding to your commute.

Not seeing your children will be difficult but many people are in the same situation and have to cope. If you can afford a cleaner, someone to do the ironing or gardening, it will help keep the weekends free. Also you mentioned that your husband works shifts so presumably he will sometimes be able to do school drop-offs or pick-ups, homework etc. I also wouldn't under-estimate how tired your 4 year old will be when they start school. Combined with the change of routine from your return to work, it would be nice for them to be able to come home and just chill.

I think commuting suits some people better than others. If you're a naturally early riser, fairly laid back and enjoy the time reading or listening to music, it can be fine.

If like me you loathe getting up in the dark, get enraged by people fighting for seats, can't relax when trapped in a throng of hundreds of people edging towards the Waterloo and City line platform edge - then I wouldn't recommend it.

But I guess we all do what we have to and somehow find a way to make it work.

it's tiring but it's fine. My day is similar to yours -I've been doing it for years now and you get used to it tbh.

Sometimes you just have to make things work so you do.

I have always kept my eye out for something closer but in this economy, nothing has come up! It's always easier to find another job once you're in one so just keep in the back of your mind that if it doesn't work out, you can always look for something else.

I commuted into city 5 days a week before I had my baby, it was tiring, more so when I was heavily pregnant, but I did get used to it. A good book/ music often helped me.

The hardest part is when it snows or there are stricks. Generally the trains have been good.

I am returning to work in September and attempting it with my (1 year old) but 3 days a week. I did not like the idea of it at first but it is difficult getting a teaching job where I live plus my husband starts work so early.

Good luck in your decisions

Sorry I meant strikes!

I've done 4 hours daily commuting into London for years - so away from home 12 hours per day, but only worked 2-3 days per week when my DC were small. It is exhausting and you do not see too much of your DC. Avoid full time commuting if at all possible!

I commute 3 hours a day (total) into the City and I don't mind it so much. I'm usually out 11 hours a day. I do hate it when there are delays and I get home much later so barely have time to kiss the DC goodnight.

It is nice to have the time to read a book; didn't read a book in the 3 years I was a SAHM.

I haven't had time to fully read replies and there seem to be many supportive ones, but I found that life changed totally for me when DS started school. I gave up the commute to London at that point. I only then realised just how knackering and stressful commuting is. Hope you find a solution.

I did an hour each way per day, in central london. I didnt mind it because of the shopping/time to read/listen to music etc

BUT

I would never do it now I have my son. Those 2 hours per day would be be too precious to lose sitting on a tube train