Need hand holding, or maybe a kick up the bum

[JoinTheDots]

Hi all

I am due to go back to work in September this year (ages to go I know) but understand I need to look into childcare options now, so I have something in place with a quality provider.

I was looking at nurseries and childminders in the area I work, and I have tears running down my cheeks. The idea of leaving (pfb) DD with someone for 10 hours a day fills me with dread and I feel slightly sick, as well as upset.

I have been trying to make excuses for not going back to work (the costs outweigh the wages, the travel to and from work will be too far for her in the car every day, work might not offer me flexible enough hours for drop off and pick up) but really, they are excuses, and I know it's not really true.

Does / did anyone out there feel like this? Did it pass? Do I need to just bite the bullet and speak to a child minder to feel better?

I would hate to jack in the career I worked hard to get quite far with only to realise I really want to go back when she gets to 12 months or a little older and it's too late because when she was 6 months I could not cope with the idea of finding care for her!

Anyone want to offer some words of sympathy, or maybe a kick up the bum for me?

Hi Join,

I went back quite soon after ds and I was in a right state for the 2 weeks before, several times I had my phone in my hand to ring my HR dept to say I was quitting!

But i went back, and although the first few weeks were rough, it passes and now it is fine. What helped me was getting the right nusery, they are super lovely and made me feel so reassured, the other thing was that nothing is permanent, if I went back and hated it, I could still quit ( no extra mat pay for me to pay back or anything). It was gently pointed out to me, that with all these arrangements in place, it might be worth trying.

The trouble is no one can say when my wobbly feet turn into someone elses sheer horror at rtw. But I would say try, then quit!

It is hard and don't judge on the first months back as they are full of adjustments being made by yourself and dc.

Good luck.

Sorry, can I add (as I can't quite tell from your post) that is def helped me actually speaking to the nurseries/childminders that you are looking at. I dint think much to that, but then literally fell in love with the nursery where ds goes. That made such a massive, massive difference.

Thank you Seriously, you are right, I do need to remember nothing is forever... I can quit it if really doesn't feel right when I get back. There would be financial implications, but some things are worth the cost

I really, really feel for you. I was exactly the same as you with my DC1 (now 5) - if anyone mentioned going back to work when I was on maternity leave I would burst into floods of tears. I was waking up at night worrying about it for hours and felt sick, butterfly type waves through my stomach when I had to think about it.

First few weeks were definately hard (particulary as I had to go back when she was 5 months old! this was because maternity leave was much shorter then), but before long we were in a routine and it became normal. 5 years later and am now pregnant with dc3 - I am so so glad that I didnt have option at the time to quit (we were very young and building our house so really needed the money but given half the chance to quit, I would have)because I would be so annoyed with myself now. I'd hate to be a SAHM, I think I'd go out of my mind. I'd be a really shit mother and as I suffer from depression, find that working outside keeps the confidence up and the blues away somewhat.

I would give it a go - give it a year (or even a couple of months) if then you know its not for you - definately look into leaving/ reducing hours etc but try it first. Chances are you too will get in to a routine.

Give it a go and go back for at least 6 months before you decide. And I speak as a SAHM It's tough to get back into work, tougher still to negotiate hours suitable for school (she'll be there before you know it) if you are new rather than someone your employer knows and you may not think so right now, but its extremely dull being stuck at home with kids all day (well I think so anyway)