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Original poster

What do you do when your child is ill?

45 replies

Listmaker · 17/10/2005 13:44

I have been extremely lucky in that my dds have hardly ever been ill and up til now if they have my mother has been able to look after them. But on Friday dd2 was ill and my mother wasn't able to have her so I had to take the day off.

What do you do in these circumstances? Take it as holiday? Call in sick yourselves or what? I was honest but they say I have to take it as holiday and I don't have many days left and they are all allocated for childcare in half term and at Christmas.

Thanks

OP posts:

Original poster

Listmaker · 18/10/2005 10:07

Thanks fpr all your replies. It certainly is a dilemma! I'm a single parent so can't get dh to help and all my holidays are very carefully planned to cover as much of the holidays as possible to minimise the burden for my Mum etc.

As they aren't ill very often and if they have been Mum has been OK to have them up til now I think I shall just lie from now on. And yes it's a VERY long time since I had a day off through a hangover!

Only about 13 years til I can have a day off to spend doing something I want to do.............

OP posts:

catsmother · 19/10/2005 11:15

I used to lie and say I was sick.

I didn't like it, I knew it was wrong but as a single mum, I had a very stark choice. Tell the truth and take it as unpaid, in which case, my budget was so finely tuned that I would have been unable to pay essential bills - like mortgage and council tax that month. Or, lie, so I could afford to live.

There really wasn't a "choice".

riab · 20/10/2005 09:28

I'm lucky I can work from home but we also have a nanny not nursery for this reason! littleun gets tummy bugs easily and nursery refuses to have him for both the duration of the bug and 48 hours after he's well again - which could mean a week or more every time he gets one.

Take it in turns with your partner (if you have one) there's no reason for one person to do the whole lot!

If he's too ill to leave to the nanny or she is ill then we take it in turns to be 'on call' for emergancies/time off.

Bridge1001 · 20/10/2005 14:50

I usually work from home, or ask the mother in law, holidays are needed in school holidays and it doeas look bad if you take time off sick, but if all elsze fails....

it bugs me so many people complain about part time workers taking time out for their kids, but from my experience, we all feel more guilty and make up for any lost time and work more efficiently anyway. I had better get back to my work now!!

Colettefl · 20/10/2005 20:43

I can understand the dilemma but it does annoy me when people lie about it. I have never lied about it and always take time off as holiday or lieu hours, and have sometimes as unpaid but never called in sick myself.

No wonder part time working mothers are thought of as unreliable, when people lie about it it does get my goat as we all get tarred with the same brush.

riab · 21/10/2005 11:08

I agree about lying - its a hard situation but i would alwauys explain things to your employer before kiddie gets ill and discuss the stratagy between you both. That way its not a shock to them. set up an apt with HR and say - if my kid gets ill i have a childcare issue - what would you suggest I do?

Bridge1001 · 21/10/2005 16:29

unfortunately some people don't have understanding employers or can not afford to take time off unpaid, is it wrong for them to lie to their employer and pull a sickie?
plenty of employees take time off after a heavy night out - or if the sun is shinning etc etc nobody gives them a hard time. why is it that its just mothers who feel guilty?
if you really have to its not the crime of the century.

Hevva · 22/10/2005 21:06

I am both a single mum and a senior manager in my organisation, so I can see this from both sides. My philosophy is to treat people as I wish to be treated, so I am honest and I expect honesty in return. When my son is ill, I take a day's leave and I expect my staff to do the same. If I (or my staff) don't have any paid annual leave, unpaid emergency leave is available. We also work flexi so I would be happy for staff to work back the hours later if they didn't have any flexi credit or to work at home if they can. I would never give staff a hard time about having to take time off, and I would bend over backwards to help with the situation. But I would be very pi**ed off if I found out they had lied to me and said they were ill when they weren't. And I do not look kindly on anyone who swings the lead with taking unwarranted sickies, so it's not true to say that no-one bats an eyelid if someone takes a sickie with a hangover. Do I sound hard? I really am not - I just give and expect integrity and honesty in my team and I treat my staff as responsible grown-ups. But they have to act responsibly in return in order to deserve respect.

n1k199 · 27/10/2005 10:20

I am currently taking my employer to tribunel over the way I was treated whilst pregnant. Recently my baby was gravely ill in hospital (5 months) and I had to stay with her (who wouldn't) my caring employers sent a message via my solicitors that they would pay my leave to be with baby if I dropped case.

Needless to say they haven't improved since my pregnancy and I have had a week's salary deducted from my pay...

I work in a male orintated environment where pregnancy is considered something that should be kept hidden from clients and not interfer with work in any way, if you have anti-natal appointment then you must work late to make up for your time off...I was working silly hours right up to delivery, my baby came early and to be honest it was a relief. I have returned to work mainly because I cannot afford to leave my job.

I am working on that situation believe me!

lucykate · 27/10/2005 10:28

i used to either say it was me that was ill, car trouble so take holiday and occasionally take parental leave. i thought everyone was entitled to take parental leave if they needed it by law, isn't it something like 13 weeks allowed unpaid until your child is 5?. dd catches all sorts from nursery so is ill often.

Blu · 27/10/2005 10:32

I take it as flexi. Or DP takes it as flexi, depending on whose turn!
I allow / encourage staff to do the same.
Better than them lying and taking it as them off sick!
But that doesn't help, Listmaker, if you are unable to do flxi. Sorry.
I would do whatever your employer would accept - flexi, unpaid leave, holiday...and if none of those are possible, take a sickie, or get your dp (if you have one) to take a sickie!

n1k199 · 27/10/2005 13:21

Personally if I were you and I have never in my life taken a sickie, but I would, my company only pay 3 sick days per year so I wouldn't get away with it, but if you are paid sick leave then take it, one thing I have found out recently is that no matter how many times you bend over backwards, however much time you put into getting the job perfect it is not appreciated or recipricated...

No-one knows your company regs, do whatever you need that you can get away with!

FrayedKnot · 04/01/2006 14:17

Just bumping this htread as I went to a job interview today and was asked what I would do if DS was ill (was expecting the question but wasn;t sure how to respond).

I didn;t know that legally you are entitled to unpaid emergency leave for dependents.

Now I know, I will be better prepared for next interview!

CountessDracula · 04/01/2006 14:26

Yes but the answer to the employer is:

Oh my mum/dad/grandmother/sister lives nearby and can help out, I also know a couple of local childminders who can help out in emergencies

Even if tis untrue you have to show that you have considered that this is a possibility and put in place some alternatives

Then on the day say "oh my mum/dad/sister is on holiday and the childminders are full"

oliveoil · 04/01/2006 14:30

are they allowed to ask you this? Legally I mean. I am sure they are not.

FrayedKnot · 04/01/2006 14:31

Yes I did waffle something of that sort CD, but having no relatives nearby & DH unlikely to be able to drop everything, I feel happier now I know the legal position.

Next interview is public sector, so may ask if they have a policy.

FrayedKnot · 04/01/2006 14:34

OO I think probably not, but was very small organisation & woman interviewing was not an HR person, just the office manager.

I could see why they would need to know how the situation would be covered, should it occur.

puddle · 04/01/2006 14:37

I would be very surprised if a public sector organisation would ask this question in an interview. It's the kind of thing you might discuss with a manager once you'd been offered a job but, unless they would ask all prospective candidates, male and female, this question, it would go against equal opps.

oliveoil · 04/01/2006 14:38

Yes, I was asked in my interview and waffled on about MIL etc, but wondered whether they would have asked my dh the same question .

clerkKent · 05/01/2006 13:14

It is almost certainly sex discrimination and you could make a claim if you did not got the job and a man did, but life is too short...

They would have to demonstrate that they asked everyone the same question.

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