How to handle tricky atmosphere

[LauraMercier]

I've started a new job and the job itself is great, and I'm really enjoying it, but the atmosphere is terrible. My colleagues seem terrified of our boss and everyone is always walking on egg shells.

I've only seen a few things, and she is definately prickly. I'm just not sure how to handle it, I really don't want to end up feeling like my colleagues do - and I'm already feeling really unsettled/nervous every time I say or do anything.

Conversations go like this,

Boss: 'x, what do you think of this idea?'

x: 'could you explain it a bit more?'

Boss: 'Why is EVERYONE in this office ALWAYS so NEGATIVE??' What is it????'

And this kind of thing happens all day.

'Am I the only one who reads emils?!'
'I suppose I'll have to go first then?'
'I bet you all wish I'd drop dead or leave'
'Am i the ONLY person here who cares about filing?'

My colleagues seem like a realy nice tem of people, they work hard, care about what they do etc - so the constant nagging/critism doesn't seem to have any real basis.

Is this bullying or just a harsh boss? I've never really worked any where like this before and I'm reallyunsure how to handle it.

ALL day long.

My post messed up - ignore the rather random ALL day long!

She sounds like a horrible bully who is oblivious to everyone around here. There are a few of them about.

Personally, I would let it go over my head but if she singled me out for attack I would give as I good as I got. I wouldn't put up with someone talking to me like that. She will probably respect you more if you let her know you're not a pushover.

Mind you, it's whether you can put up or not. I refuse to work for a boss like that these days. It's just not worth it.

From what you've put here, I'd wonder if she's stressed or depressed. Those comments sound downright odd to me, rather than bullying - especially saying that she thinks you all wish she was dead.

Might she be one of those people who is very rude and snappy when stressed? I have a fellow volunteer who is like this, at the most inappropriate moments (e.g. criticising my clothes, or saying we're all late, etc), and it does help to say to myself 'X is being rude because she's worried'. I just respond very calmly along the lines of 'we've got plenty of time, and this outfit is fine for the occasion'.

Is there a line manager over her you could talk to?

She doesn't seem quite right to me iykwim but I haven't been there long enough to really know whats going on.

Today was bloody awful, she lost it completely. Over something really silly (someone brought tea to an internal meeting which is apparently not on). It was just a few of us crouched over a desk meeting - nothing official, noone else senior there, noone external. Weird.

She's the top dog really so noone to go to about it.

I had a boss like this, it was awful. She had a real bitch/superiority complex and I dreaded work every day, especially when I became the brunt of it. She was so awful, I can't even tell you some of the tings she said and did. One, lighter example, was asking me, in front of DH (then DP) if she could pay me to sleep with her teenage son so he could lose his virginity. Many more, worse things.

Keep your head down is my only advice.

If she is top dog, does that mean it's her company? She does seem to identify with the job rather fiercely. And maybe there are financial problems.

But most likely she's just rubbish with people, and can't get over the fact that she needs other people to rung this thing, resents everyone massively, and deserves to lose everyone as soon as they can get new jobs.

Sorry that's harsh, but if there's no-one above you to go to, this isn't going to change. The fact that people are conditioned to respond warily with terror to her means it's a long-term pattern.

LoopyLoops, that's shocking!

I've worked at places like this. Note the past tense as my sanity was vastly improved by moving to another job as the person in each case did not change. :(