Total confidence crisis going back to work - not sure how to handle it...

[Boobz]

I have just returned to work after 2 years out having babies, and am having a complete melt down in confidence and feel ready to jack it all in after 5 weeks in the job!

Some background:

I trained as a media planner in a big media agency and stayed there for 2 years, before hopping to another comms agency, to get a hike up in salary. Stayed there for another year or so, and then moved to a creative agency but still doing comms planning (working with the creative and account planning teams). Then I got offered a marketing role at one of the clients I was working on, and jumped at it as it was a big increase in salary, working from home and in a sector I was passionate about (online poker)

I worked there for 4 years, but the latter 2 I was basically off having babies and on maternity leave, and I didn't have a mentor to learn from as I was working from home, and so although I did well at the job, I wasn't really learning proper marketing skills and it was quite limited in scope as the product I was marketing was an internet service (rather than something like cars or breakfast cereal that has a production line and Sales and Operations depts and so on - which I am having to deal with now...)

Fast forward to now, I have been off work for over a year (I went back for 6 months between each child) and I am now living in Sudan (of all places!) as my husband's job moved us here. I applied for a category manager job in the marketing dept in the only billion dollar private company in Sudan, and got it! So far so good...

However now I am here, I feel like I don't have a bloody clue about what's going on - the industry is so completely different to what I was doing before, and I have meetings where it's obvious I should know what everyone's talking about, but in reality I understand less than 10%! What's worse is that I am managing people, and I know less than them and am having to ask them for help - not the other way around, like it should be.

I keep having swings of "get on with it - you're doing fine - no one expects you to know everything" to "you don't know even half of what you should, you are a fraud, get out NOW". I don't know - I'm enjoying being out of the house and away from just being mum, and I obviously like the fact I am being paid a good salary, but the flip side of the coin is that I feel shitty a lot of the time as I don't know what I'm doing / feel stupid for not having learnt this stuff over the past 4 years in my last job.

I thought a lot about it last night, and decided that when I get back to the UK, I would like to do a post-grad in Marketing and Branding Communications, maybe even International Marketing, which you can do at LSE, UCL, Imperial College London etc,. so that I can make up for lost time. As I see it, I could go back to the UK, try and get a marketing job which pays 60k+ GBP, but I think I would fall into the same pit - not enough experience and blagging my way through, which is going to be even harder than it is here. How do I bridge the gap? I think the answer is to do some proper training / learning, and go back to school and do it properly, rather than trying to learn on the job in positions where I am supposed to be the teacher (managing people).

I suppose I could go back a few rungs on the ladder, and go in as a marketing exec to get this training, but this would mean I was being paid peanuts, and I would be the oldest exec there, which would be hard. So I thought maybe the best thing to do is some proper learning, invest in myself, and get the knowledge that can be properly used and paid for (60k+ paid for type thing) by having a Masters in the subject I am supposed to be knowledgeable in. What do you think? I know it would be hard to begin with, as I would have to find the cash to pay for it (15 - 20k for 1 year, or 2 years part time), and it would have to be done around another job I suppose, to make sure we could afford the mortgage.... but then how do I afford to pay for child care as well?

Oh god I don't know. I WANT to do this properly, I want to know what I am talking about, and to have a proper career for the next 20+ years. I kind of see having the kids relatively young as a good thing, as by the time the last one has popped out, I will be 34ish, with my family complete so no more time off etc,. with a degree and maybe a masters in marketing under my belt, so I would be a good person to employ... right now I feel like I have missed out a big step and I need to go back and do the work to actually be worth the 60k+ they are paying me..

I think the main problem is that I went straight from media planning to marketing (although it wasn't really proper marketing at this poker site) without any formal training to link the 2 and to fill my gaps on what real marketing involves, and I didn't have anyone to learn from. And now I've done the same again, I've moved into a marketing job (completely different type of marketing again, with factories, operations, demand planning etc) where I have no one to learn from as I am the boss!

Ugh. Am having another bad day, hence off-loading it all on here in the vain hope somebody can tell me this happened to them too and it all turned out ok! I don't know how much longer I can do this without exploding.

What would you do? Fess up to the boss that he hired someone without the right experience and ask for training (but will probably get asked to leave as they need someone operational now?) Or just accept the fact that this is a post-baby-going-back-to-work wobble and that it will be ok in the end, and that I just have to accept I will feel stupid a lot of the time?

Help.

that should be can't stand going in to work...

Hello Boobz,
It's me again .

I think you are being too hard on yourself: you want to be on top of your game in a new industry and in an organisation whose processes/plans you have previously not been exposed to. Of course you have (and are expected to) have some gaps as a newcomer.

You have previously managed to excel in roles which you know inside out, possibly as a specialist. It seems this role requires a different approach. As manager changing fields, you are not /should not be being expected to be a specialist, but to manage the specialists. Your strengths are that you can offer new perspectives to what they already do, bring an international perspective gained from working in different contexts. Different organizations have different marketing strategies and you would still be in this position even if you were coming from a different marketing background.

I fear you may have not focused yourself on your strengths in this context, but have been more aware of your knowledge gaps, and may be magnifying them more than necessary. On the off-chance that you are still there in a year, you could potentially have covered those gaps and be excelling in the role. You will be fine really. As you said, you are getting better every day.

Of your three appraisal options, I can understand why you are going for option 2, it?s the safer one compared to 1 but not sure this is best long term. Stepping down from a role you have been externally recruited for, may cause you to lose face in the organisation. (This may or may not be important to you). You may also end up chafing at the bit, especially if in six months you are already conversant with the ins and outs of the role, yet are being managed by someone who is not necessarily the best. You were recruited for a reason; there must have been some gaps internally. You will end up taking Option 1 in that event / quitting. As for option 3, you have already agonised over the role for two months and you may now be coming out on the other side with some support (Am I being overly optimistic here?). Maybe ask for support at the appraisal, in form of existing manuals/previous marketing plans/annual reports for previous years which you can use as a basis for setting the next steps. You should not have to be learning the specifics/basics of this particular company without support, while at the same time setting a new direction for your new team.

Maybe look to see if you are trying to duplicate what's already there (skills wise) and instead identify your niche based on what new insights you can contribute that they do not already have. You are understandably feeling out of your depth from issues can easily be fixed (I think) and being in a new environment far from home.

Of course, I understand your preferred options will be influenced by your personality and how you respond to particular situations; you just need to be self aware and reflect on the reasons motivating your preferred option. In any event, what will be will be at the appraisal on Sunday, so sending you some positive vibes. Whatever happens, you will be fine .

Thanks Safari - for taking the time to post and encourage me. I really have found this thread a good way to vent and I am taking heart from all the "you can do it" posts that you and others have written.

You are right, what will be will be, and I only have a few hours to find out! If I remain in the job, I will push on through - like I said, this is the place to be doing this, in terms of learning and asking for help, as losing face isn't a big problem here, right now.

I'll let you know how it goes...

I read your thread ages ago and have now found it again.

What happened?

I quit. We're going to have baby #3 here in Sudan, and then return to the UK in Sept next year when I am going to retrain to become a midwife.

So quite the step change!

Congratulations!

Thank you! Feel energised and excited about my career for the first time in years.

Boobz - just been reading and got to the mw part - what a relief for you. I was going to say don't bother with your CIM. I'm a commercial manger whose done marketing and advertising and also done my CIM. I did it early on in my career to try and compensate for the fact I'm an arts graduate. It was interesting BUT it's quite general and I don't feel it's benefited me to any degree in my knowledge or my job seeking. Not really worth the effort or money in my view compared with actual on the job experience. Good luck with the midwifery - my friend is a first year student just now and loving it. Was horrified to find out she was responsible for examining undercarriage tears after only 6 weeks. Half a year in and she's just starting her labour ward placement!

Hi Boobz, just checking to see how things turned out, what a change!! Congratulations on new baby #3. Hope to meet you on the antenatal threads as also having a baby soon. And I just clocked the midwifery part; you must be really excited by the new direction. Look forward to reading/catching up again, Safariboots .

Thanks Lolly and Safari. I've just started work experience shadowing a midwife here in Khartoum - a bit of a baptism of fire! But fantastic experience and hopefully will boslter my UCAS application next year.