Is 4 months too early?

[mummynenya]

I've been given a job interview. If I attend the interview and is offered the job my baby will be 4 months when I return to work. I'm told this will be too early to return to work and I feel guilty. Have anyone been back to work at 4 months?

if you feel ok about it then its got nothing to do with anyone else.
I am due a baby in May and will be back at work by September when baby will be 17 weeks old. Its important for me to get back to work as i start my 3rd year of a degree in the OCtober and dont want to defer!

Thanks Bonkerz! I needed the hear that there isnt anything wrong with my decision!

It's totally your call - anyone else's opinion is only based on their own experiences (speed of recovery after birth/how demanding their baby is/own opinion on sahm vs wohm etc etc etc), which will be different to yours.

Have you looked into childcare yet, because once you're happy you've got the right care in place you should feel much more sure about your decision. If you're still not sure then maybe start examining your feelings more closely.

Good advice lukewarmmama! I've started looking into childcare already but havent decided on anything specifically. But I take your point that once im certain then I should feel much better.

It only feels a bit strange because maternity leave is longer these days and some women take up to a year. In the past it was perfectly usual for women to return sooner- I went back when dd1 was 12 weeks, and most of my friends were similar. I think its physically probably more demanding- especially if you're still bf. But emotionally a lot easier- children seem to go through the most clingy stage at about 9-12 months so developmentally, taking a longer maternity leave probably means you're starting to leave your child at a more tricky time for them than earlier. I certainly notice that some of my colleagues who've had babies recently have far more trouble settling their year old children into childcare than I experienced. So I don't think you've got anything to worry about

Maternity leave is 16 weeks in France: 6 weeks before due date and 10 weeks after. You can take up to 3 weeks before birth and then 13 weeks after which is what most women do. The advantage is financial: you have your full salary for the 16 weeks, the SMP does not exist.
So ... most of mothers go back to work when the child is 3 to 4 month old.

Nothing wrong with it at all. When I had my first, paid maternity leave was 18 weeks. What you are thinking of doing seems completely unexceptional to me.

I would second what everyone here says. I actually went back at 6 months, but if I'm lucky enough for there to be a next time, I would consider, for financial reasons, going back earlier. We have a wonderful nursery for dd, which she began at 5 months (and still loves at nearly 2) and I would feel very secure leaving a small baby there - I do think that the key is to have good childcare that you feel happy and confident about. Good luck with the interview!

I went back after 5 months - it was fine. I think babies settle more easily into childcare settings when they are smaller.

Honestly for me that's too young, practically, unless you have a baby that sleeps and takes a bottle! Nothing's written in stone and so take the job and see how you feel, you simply don't know until you have your baby, but if you accept the job your mindset will at least be heading in the 'going back to work' direction and so good for you.

Be prepared for guilt though, if you're a new Mum, it has a whole new meaning as a parent and unless you have done something terrible you will not know guilt like motherhood!!

Good luck, I hope this works out for you either way.xx

(studies show that if a baby is cared for in stable arrangements and routine, it's good, leaving a baby is detrimental if there are higgledy piggledy chaotic arrangements....)

mummyenya - I know I'm probably a weird and unnatural parent, but I must admit I didn't/don't feel guilty. I know that's not normal posie - not critcising what you've said

mummynenya (sorry)

(I meant that you feel guilty about everything as a parent....or rather I do, perhaps I have much to feel guilty about!!)

I went back after 5 and a half months, it was too early for me and I found the emotional side and the practicalities REALLY hard (breastfeeding and expressing).

However DD was fine I think - I agree that in a way the younger they go the easier it is for them to get used to it. I don't think it would have been any easier for her if she had been a few months older.

But you have to think about what you want to be doing day to day in the longer term. If you can't afford NOT to work for a while (as I couldn't), then that's your choice made for you really. But also have a think about the hours you'd ideally like to work (if you can afford to go part time).

It doesn't have to be a battle to get a baby to drink from a bottle btw.

Its often presented as such a black and white thing - either baby is bf and won't touch a bottle, or its the other extreme. I introduced a bottle (of ebm) to dd1 when she was about 7 weeks, as I knew I would be returning to work in 5 weeks time. She happily drank from either breast or bottle and I continued bf until she was well over one, and I'd been back at work for over a year.

DD is 4 months old now and I won't go back till she is 7 months old. I am really grateful and happy that I have another three months with her, but I do feel that if i had to go back now, it would be okay and she would be okay. At the beginning she was still tiny and everything but at 4 months you do feel like they are growing up and it is also a stage where you start being interested in other things than baby, so I think you will be fine.

Good advice from others on the childcare. Some working mothers have actually told me it is much easier to go back after 4 months than, say, 9 months because later there is such a bond that makes the separation much harder.

Yes I went back at 4 months with DS2. Not through choice. Ideally I'd liked to have stayed off for 6 months like I did with DS1 although at 6 months I was really ready to go back to work and was going a bit stir crazy.

I think as other posters have said because Ds2 was so young there were no issues for him being left. In some ways it was good for all of us as it got us all developed a good routine which was of benefit for everyone.

Boys are now 6 and 10 and I can see no issues at all. We're very close and they're lovely, sociable, polite boys (so I'm told!!! ) The people who seemed to ahve the biggest problems were the ones who's children didn't go to nursery until they were 2 plus. They were the ones who had the screaming ab dabs and took weeks to settle.

I think because my two went to nursery from a young age it was what they were used to and that's how it was. If I hadn't had work to force a structure on us I think it would have been detrimental to all of us. I know I would have become very depressed as that is what seems to descend on me when I have a lack of structure or too much time on my hands.

I returned to work when my daughter was 12 weeks old - she's now 15 months. This worked for us - I was feeling down at home and working a 4 day week kept me sane and happy, and hopefully therefore a better mum.

I must add that this worked because I had faith in my childcare arrangements (nursery 3 days, daddy one day).
My daughter seems to get on well at nursery and importantly appears to be a happy, feisty child.
Good luck with whatever you decide and don't feel pressured by outsiders.