Stressed out w sick child

[oinkyoink]

Hi, I have a 23 month old and am pregnant again (14 weeks). I work full time but my dd is constantly sick and has been since for the last 9 months. She was diagnosed w chronic tonsillitis and ear infections and has been on so many different types of antibiotic but nothing helps. She will have an operation end of march hopefully. I work full time but I am finding it very, very hard as she can rarely go to nursery. She often has 40 degree fevers and cannot go so i end up staying at home to look after her and trying to work from home on my laptop. I have been doing this for 9 months now and it is really, really getting me down. I feel like I am being a wimp not being able to cope. We don't have any family around to help out so that isn't an option. Friends all have their own kids and live a good distance away too. DH also works full time.

I am just exhausted and very stressed and also worried about the effect this is having on my current pregnancy.

Is anyone else in a similar boat? No one I know has a child who is as sick as my child. We pay fees at nursery too but rarely use the service which is frustrating..... I'd be interested to know what others think. thanks.

I really don't think you can consider yourself a wimp - this is a really hard situation!!! How are you managing at present? Are you taking unpaid leave or are you covering it all by working from home? Could you just ask your employer for unpaid leave for 6 months or something??? or to work 50% for a few months? - to get some breathing space. Or what about a nanny instead of the nursery - the nanny could still look after your dd when she's sick and could hopefully give you a bit of support???

It is very tough but at least your employer is allowing you to work from home. My employer began to complain after I took 12 hours off in one week to look after my severely disabled dd2 who had flu. They don't want me to work from home and expect me to stick to the exact days and hours of my contract. I sympathise and agree that a nanny might be a good solution.

To my mind it all depens on your financial situation-
Can you affor a nanny, even for say six months until the op happens an hopefully her health improves?
Could you take parental leave, it varies from organisation to organisation but where I work you can put in a request to take unpaid parental leave, its months not weeks.
If you feel the stress is impacting negatively on your own health and pregnancy maybe you need a period of sick leave yourself? Would you consider this? Its not an 'answer' but would give you a breather??
I can really empathise with what you are going through, I have a DS, now 4 who was ill more often than not whe I first returned to work, it ended up making me ill with worry and stress!!

I think you really need to take a step back and have a look at what is important to you, do you work full time because you have to? Can you reduce your hours?

If your dd is getting lots of bugs from nursery maybe a childminder might be a better option as generally less kids so less bugs iyswim?!

Agree with maybe getting yourself signed off for a while as stress will def not be doing either of your babies any good!

You are not a wimp at all and I think you need to start being kind to yourself, you are doing too -much a lot and I think you need to cut yourself some slack

dd2 picks up everything Im always having to take unpaid time off work because she isnt well.

I think she picks more up when she is at the childminders than at the nursery because she has contact with more children because she attends groups like mothers and toddlers and stay and play as well as trips to soft play and things like that. Shes also a climber and recently ended up in hospital after falling off a climbing frame.

The childminder is more likely than the nursery to let her attend when shes not well but then I just feel guilty because Ive left her there but when Im not at work I feel guilty because Im putting stress on the team at work and Im worried that work will eventually say something. Can work use the disiplinary process the same way for unpaid dependant leave the same way they can for sick leave? Thats making me really stressed and is stopping me taking sick leave when I really need it.

Its awful but theres not a lot I can do but hope the situation improves as she gets older.

Is there anychance you can drop any hours at work? Even one day off a week could make a diffrence.

I think your husband should be helping more, it shouldn't have to be you taking the time off every time your child is unwell.