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Original poster

If your industry demands full time when did you go back to work? Or did you decide not to...?

34 replies

MarshaBrady · 07/02/2011 10:18

If you had a break from work to be a sahm and the only option to you was to take a new role which was full time, what age were your children when you decided to go back?

Or if you are still sahm, when do you think you will. Will it be easy to get a job after x years break?

How did you find making that decision? Tell me all about it....

OP posts:
weaselbudge · 08/02/2011 14:55

Well my dcs are 11 months and 26 months and i've no intention of going back at the moment. I've been looking into retraining in something completely different so that I can return to do something part time. It feels a real waste of my qualifications and experience but I'm not sure I ever want to go back full time relying on a nanny/after school and holiday clubs. DH has a similar full time and stressful job and so all of the house and childcare falls on me.

Feelingsensitive · 08/02/2011 15:14

Well my my two are 3 and 5 and I worked PT after DC1 and gave up completely when DC2 was born. I feel 'ready' to return now and would consider FT for the right role with the right childcare. If you'd asked me a year ago I would have said a straight no. So what seems impossible now may change as time goes on.

Original poster
MarshaBrady · 08/02/2011 16:41

woohoo replies.

It is a huge thing isn't it when choice is so limited in a particular industry. Leaving at 6pm is early and on time for where I used to work. And part time, forget about it!

I do have another type of career, one at home, but it is risky and no security. I have 5 years break on my CV and still able to get a job (I checked! but didn't end up taking it.) But I don't want to lose the ability to do freelance in that old role completely. I think.

OP posts:
Decorhate · 08/02/2011 17:31

I went back fulltime when dc1 was 6 months old. Was the type of job you couldn't really do part-time. For a variety of reasons I became a sahm after dc2 (which coincided with dc1 starting school).

My youngest is now 7, I've worked very part-time for a couple of years but am about to start a new full-time job - different work to my old job but is local & won't need to work late, etc. Timing wise it would be better if all dcs were at secondary school as the childcare costs will eat up a huge chunk of my salary. But it's already 10 yrs since I worked fulltime & don't want to leave it any longer...

Of course it may kill me - ask me how it's going in 6 months time!

Original poster
MarshaBrady · 08/02/2011 18:47

Good luck Decorhate! I know I look at it with rose-tinted specs. If I had to go back now I wouldn't want to I don't think.

OP posts:
Cosmosis · 09/02/2011 16:36

I am going back ft in april, ds will be months. TBH evdery time I think about it I cry and I just hope the reality is better than I feel about it now.

Original poster
MarshaBrady · 09/02/2011 18:19

Ah that is hard Cosmosis. How many months will your ds be?

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 09/02/2011 18:22

I got together with a colleage and my line manager and agreed to try jobsharing a f/t job for a year. That was a year and a half ago and it is still going well. It helps to have a very understanding female line manager and a very good business case.

Original poster
MarshaBrady · 09/02/2011 18:24

That sounds good BikeRunSki. My old work is very project based so needs someone with full knowledge. Is yours like that, do you do handover briefings that sort of thing?

OP posts:
WidowWadman · 09/02/2011 19:08

when daughter was 9 months old, will do the same with next one. No regrets whatsoever.

BikeRunSki · 09/02/2011 20:12

I am a project manager and Team Leader. We both work Wednesdays to hand over and leave each other copious notes. Because we are project based, we can justify the extra day a week between us by taking on more projects. We have had no complaints of confusion by internal or external colleagues but we have been very very careful not to drop the ball EVER. We can't afford for anyone to doubt us at all, but so far, so seamless!

Original poster
MarshaBrady · 09/02/2011 20:55

Well done! You must be good to ensure they will have two work on the same day.

Me too, with some strategy stuff. I don't miss it, but then I do. I miss getting stuff done... Working fast. That sort of thing. I have a 13 month year old and even working at home is a slow process. I am almost thinking of getting a nanny for a few hours a week to a) get work done and b) warm up for a freelance role I might do in the future.

I don't need to work now but I would hate to lose the ability to get a job.

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 09/02/2011 21:24

... she's going on matenity leave again next month and not being covered! We didn't think that far ahead.

Cosmosis · 10/02/2011 10:29

ah sleep deprivation, I meant to type 7 months! I'm easing in to it a bit so won't be full time for a couple of months but still :( about it.

Original poster
MarshaBrady · 10/02/2011 11:19

I bet. It is hard isn't it? I did find with my first there is never an easy time to go back full time. I did freelance when he was 3 1/2 and there were still many tears.

I'm so relieved I have that project on my CV now though. Good luck, good luck I hope it goes well.

OP posts:
MrsDe · 10/02/2011 15:09

I went back when my first was 8 months and will be going back soon when my second will be 11 months. I am looking forward to it in a way! I am a little sad but have good childcare and my husband can do pick ups so I don't have that stress at the end of the day, although I always try and get home for bath/bed time and work from home in the evenings if I have to.

Suzihaha · 10/02/2011 21:44

I went back when DS1 was 9 months but became a SAHM 3 months later.

I have been back at work FT for 3 months now and DS1 is 3 (took 2 years out as SAHM).

I feel it's a bit early, as DS2 is only 18months and would have preferred PT but I could not find one in my field.

We have all adjusted to it now, but on the odd occasion I take one day off in the week, I feel so much happier.

Original poster
MarshaBrady · 11/02/2011 09:57

I find the difference between 4 and 5 days a week huge. I managed to get one day from home and then it was so much better.

Then work from home for a re-run of same project, had some leverage! None now of course, I need to take a position and do it very well to get some flexibility. Even a small amount like leaving on time.

OP posts:
Cosmosis · 11/02/2011 17:47

unfortunately my job just wouldn't work part time, I was hoping they'd let me do 1 day at home, but they are only letting me do that temporarily (well at the moment, I am hoping to persuade them!)

Hangingonbyathread · 13/02/2011 22:03

I went back FT when DS1 was 8 months, and realised that it was just not worth it. I felt a terrible mother and terrible at work. I couldn't do my job properly without having extra hours to put in. I hoped I'd get something else after DS2, and was lucky to, although in a slightly different direction. Lucky too that they were amenable to part time, and a delayed start. But it was across the country and meant we moved. DH shifts location every 2 years or so so we were never going to live together all the time, but still. Now I work 3 days a week and he comes down at weekends. Work is hard. I still need to achieve similar outcomes to my full time colleagues. Some targets are adjusted, some are not. The boys are often ill with the boring winter viral things that stop everyone sleeping, and I don't have as much time available as I need for the 'extra curricular' stuff and exams that I have to take to get anywhere. I feel hobbled at work, and I hate not being able to 'knuckle down' and not achieving things. But I like the job itself and if I can just get through this difficult few years I think it will be ok. I would have liked longer as a SAHM, but I became less and less employable as time went by, and I would have resented DH I know in the future if I had given up my career completely.
My point is just that there are advantages and disadvantages to everything. I chased my ideal of a part time job, but I had to uproot us all to achieve it, and the job itself is probably harder part time than full time, for all their supportive words and theory. Did I trade DH at home on weekday nights for 2 days a week with me? It's more complicated than that I guess. Was it right? I still have no idea.
MarshaBrady good luck with your decision, you just have to go where your instinct tells you.

tigerdriverII · 13/02/2011 22:12

I went back FT when DS was 5 mo. I knew I couldn't do my job p/t. It was much easier when he was tiny, TBH, than it is now (he's 9). I found FT much easier than the idea of trying to do full week's work in less than a week. Now I find it harder, there are so many school things etc which mean I have to juggle my time/work from home far more than when little. I've always found this quite curious - the desire to be PT when they are small, to me it's been stronger the older he gets.

Hangingonbyathread · 13/02/2011 23:27

When I said that if I can get through these difficult few years it'll be ok, I meant (in the naive way you do when you only know the now and have no idea of the future), that hopefully as they get older (they're 2 and 3 at the moment) when they get ill it'll (am I wildly optimistic here? - please don't shatter my illusions all at once) be less demanding, and I won't spend 10 days every 3 weeks up with one or other with a temp of 39 or 40 overnight. Nothing exciting just normal winter viral stuff. If we just slept a bit better and I could get more done in the evenings there would be some possibility of passing the exams this year. And I think if that happened there would be less pressure. But I am sure even if that miracle were to happen then there will be something else. Now I am here I hope I can always stay part time. One of my friends a few years ahead of me said she hated being part time at work but forgot all about it when she was home with her daughter, and I think that sums it up. One thing the boys have given me is a sense of perspective and I am slowly (and painfully) learning to live with my limitations at work. Compartmentalise, compartmentalise, compartmentalise.....

Original poster
MarshaBrady · 14/02/2011 19:53

Do I want to put the really big effort in over next five years? hmm. Dh is at the top now, I am not! Due to breaks.

Lots of work. But I know that I want to have a career ....actually have two right now just in case. Definitely.

Interesting reading others in same boat.

OP posts:
Orissiah · 21/02/2011 09:56

I went back to work FT when DD was 10 months old. I placed her with a fantastic childminder who looked after a number of other children and DD thrived (still does at 2.7yrs). She's leanred so much more with the CM than she would have at home with me that it made me feel much better at going to work. My career was very important to me and doing it PT would have been career suicide.

Then I started working from home in a different (now successful) career when DD turned 2. But I still work FT as DD is thriving spectacularly with her CM (and loves going there). DH drops her at 8.30 and I pick her up at 5.45.

Once she started with the CM we stuck rigidly to a routine and that rigidity has helped us from all becoming stressed. The main thing is to work when you work (ie don't try and do other things or think about other things) and when home with DC then spend time with them. DD is in bed for 7.15pm so I after that I cook and then work some more.

Fulltime working is still working well for our family. However, we only have 1 child and we'll not be having any more children so I guess it is a little easier with 1.

Good luck.

Orissiah · 21/02/2011 09:58

Shocking grammar and spelling, sorry. On my phone.