Feeling awful about leaving baby to go back to work

[Mookymoo]

Hi
Just looking for some points of view/support really. Due back to work on Monday part time mornings only but feeling horrendous about leaving my 7 mo DD. She's our first baby and although logically I know I must go back to work (financially, also know that in the future the hours will be good to fit in with school and the job is relatively well paid for what it is) I just feel sheer panic whenever I think about not being with my daughter. There's no other reason that I don't want to go back, I like the job, the people are lovely and I am totally relaxed about the childminder. I just really can't bear the thought of not being with DD. Please tell me of your experiences and how you felt and what you did

Hello Mooky,

I'm sorry you're feeling this way but I can assure you that you're not alone - it's a very natural reaction to the transition from being with your baby 24/7 to spending regular time apart.

I'm a LP and I went back to work full time when DS was 8 months (now 19 months). This was very hard for me but DS has only thrived over the last year.

DS spends his week days between nursery and ex-MILs and I think that the varity does him good. He is very outgoing, loving and sociable and has some fantastic little friends at nursery.

While I have all the respect in the world for SAHMs, I knew that it wasn't for me. Whilst on mat leave, I did my best to ensure that DS had the most varied, fun filled, educational days possible but there was a limit to what I could do. Now that he is at nursey, he has access to such a wide range of people and resources which I think benefits him so much, as will your DD's time with her CM.

I of course miss DS terribly when I'm at work and IME that doesn't go away (I wouldn't want it to). Throwing myself into my work and enjoying it during the day is what gets me through. Plus when I collect DS in the evenings, the huge smile on his face, kisses, cuddles, artwork, baked goods and endless other presents make it all seem worth it.

My advice goes without saying - treasure every moment. My mornings / evenings / weekends / days off with DS are so special and if anything I probably appreciate these times more now than I did when I was on maternity leave.

I know our situations are different and that you are going back PT. I know if it still a terrible feeling though when you drop her off for the first time.You've mentioned that you are happy with your choice of CM which is so important. Just try to take one day at a time - enjoy being back with your work mates, have a fun morning catching up on the gossip. Call the CM to put your mind at rest if needed. Think about all the things that you and your DD will GAIN from the new arrnagement and finally give her the biggest kisses and cuddles when you collect her.

Best of luck on Monday.

Anniemacs advice is really good- seeing it as a move into a new phase rather than the end of something. Try to see the bigger picture- the whole of life is about a progressive move towards your child building new relationships with other people and having different experiences. You are being an excellent parent in providing for your child, and enabling her to build trusting relationships with others.
Also, what others say is so true: once you are back at work, the reality will be fine- so much easier than trying to imagine it now. I returned 3 days a week when my dd1 was 3 months old, and I couldn't imagine how it would feel beforehand. It turned out that once I was back, and busy, the day would pass quickly and I honestly didn't think about dd at all (Sounds awful- but it was in a good way!). You will also reap the benefits by keeping yourself employable in the long term, having a pension etc- don't underestimate those things; I see a lot of women desperate to get back to work after giving up completely and it can be very hard for them, competing against others who have stayed in work. Good luck- you'll both be fine

Oh - just posted something similar but found this - the advice on here makes me feel a bit better.