Disappointed or relieved?

[babartheelephant]

I have 3 children ages 8, 7 and 4. I've been a stay-at-home mum pretty much for the last 9 years. My youngest started school in September, and I recently started to feel like I really need to return to work in some capacity. My area is very specific, arts-related jobs are hard to find, and part-time ones nearly impossible. A great maternity cover came up, but it was for 32.5 hours per week. I didn't know what I would do if I got it, but I thought I jsut have to get out of this role of being everybody's skivvy. I applied for it, got shortlisted, interviewed, went very well, but found out about an hour ago tht I didn't get it.
My daughter was so lovely - she jsut hugged me and I felt so guilty that I had even contemplated work at all. I know I've got the best job in the world.
But don't you jsut sometimes crave something else? Is it wrong to feel that it's time to have something else, for me?
Please send me lovely messages about how I had a near-miss and how lucky I am not to be looking at a future of stressful childcare arrangements, summer holiday camps for kids and all the other headaches that working mums have to think of.....!

There is nothing wrong with wanting to rejoin the world of grown ups! Just because you (want to) work doesn't make you a bad mother!! If you feel the need to "do" something useful, how about volunteering in a school (not necessarily the one your DCs go to) - you don't say exactly what type of arts you are qualified in, but if it can be used practically I'm sure a school would be really grateful.

Apart from getting you out of the house, it would also look good on your CV...

Thanks for your reply. After I wrote the post I thought "Oh no, I hope I haven't offended any working mums" because all my friends are now working part-time and I think that's part of the problm for me. I have such huge respect for them doing it all. But my youngest is younger than most of their youngest.
I've done some helping in school in last 2 years but don't feel it's for me anymore. Really need time away from little people generally.
I think I just need to relax and say to myself, it's OK to be at home while my little one is so little, and if the right thing comes along, I'll get it next time. This was obviously not meant to be.

I am in same position, have a wonderful husband who works from home and tells me I don't need to work at all. Honestly after 7 years I feel I need to have something else to occupy my mind. Being a carer fulltime is a job on it's own, but we do need time to ourselves.