House husbands?

[Fosmum]

Hi everyone

When I go back to work after maternity leave DH is going to go part time and work only weekends and one evening so he can look after DD while I work 9-5.

This was planned even before I was pregnant for financial reasons as I earn more and childcare would take up most of his salary so it makes sense for him to stay at home.

Now that it comes close I am dreading it although DH is a great dad. Also I will be home for lunch and by 5.30 pm, when I will take over so I am hoping it won't feel that I am away too long to DD and me!

However I'm worried I will be jealous of DH being at home with her and that it will cause resentment or squabbles if he does things differently from how I would like. Also very selfishly I am not sure how I would cope if DD started to prefer DH first for cuddles/comfort etc.

Has anyone else tried a similar arrangement and how did it go/ any tips on making it work?

Thanks

We did this. I found it hard missing the time with dd but it was so good for their relationship and dh is a fantastic dad. I think you have to let him do it all his way. Just don´t say a thing and don´t think a thing! He is a competent father and the only father she´s got - just listen to the fun they´ve been having and let him enjoy that. To be quite honest, I don´t think it´s you who will feel galled about being preferred for cuddles ... usually it´s the one who´s been at home suffering toddler tantrums all day who struggles seeing the other parent come home at 6pm and being cuddled and treated like a film star! But of course, it could be that if she hurts her knee she will out of habit turn to him - but men have been robbed of that for generations - and it´s only a small concession to make... you´ll still have all the weekends and time on your own with dd. It´ll be great!
Incidentally, I know a lot of people who have done this and the dads have all been brilliant. The kids get a bit more balance in their childhoods as nurseries and primary schools are often a bit female dominated.

Thanks for the advice, its good to hear a positive story.

My DH has been a SAHD to our DS for 4 years and I've just returned to work full time after having DD (now nearly 8 months). It was hard for me to get my head around at first - like you it was a decision we had to make for financial reasons. But 4 years down the line I can tell you, OP, that my DS is the biggest mummy's boy around. Don't worry that it will affect you relationship, IME it really won't! A mum is a mum.

dp has been doing this now for 6 years and dd always turns to me first if I am there maybe cos I aint there all the time. I also think its brilliant that she sees that women work and can support the family particularly in the area we live in where there are a lot of SAHMs.

Have to say he was always better at the house work than me anyway and he keeps the house spotless, dinner on the table when I get in and he does the veggie garden and chickens too but then dd is at schol now and I think he is too setled at home. Think he might need to start looking for a job

I am very about that dinner on the table thing! But then that's partly my doing - I never wanted a full role reversal.

My DH works part time and I'm FT. I think it's wonderful for DSs to spend time with their dad and they get to play and do stuff I wouldn't have done with them (he has more energy).

I was a little bit jealous at first, but I learnt to just ignore it and the feeling's gone away. I let him do everything his way; it's not always the way I'd do things and sometimes he doesn't dress them warmly enough when he takes them out, but then he has to deal with the snotty noses so he's learning.

It also made going back to work much easier for me, knowing my two DSs were with someone I trusted completely (my parents have them the days my DH is at work).

We did this for a couple of years.

we found it was quite good for getting DH to bond - before, he'd been working fulltime - the day i realised he didn't even know which cupboard youngest's clothes were stored in (and had been for over a year) was the day we both decided to re-juggle the work life balance. i ended up going back to work, and he cut down to 3 days a week. we're fortunate in that his employer was happy to do this, and he earns enough that it isn't an issue (at least it wasn't in the end, there were a few months of "can we really afford this" when things kept breaking!).

rather than be jealous, i'm glad he's a much more hands on partner now - i know this isn't your exact situation but wanted to shwo some of the good points about little one staying at home with your DH rather than just the usual comments about salaray/it makes sense financially :)

Thanks everyone- Hopefully it will work well for us too -She is only 4 months now so still 5 months to go, I should be much more chilled by then hopefully. . I am really glad that DH really wants to do it and is looking forward to spending quality time with her- i will just have to try to learn to bite my lip.

I am liking the idea of dinner being ready tho