Back to work wobbles

[Monstermuncher]

Hi ladies, I'm in need of a sounding board please can anyone offer an opinion/advice?

I am currently on mat leave, due back in the summer so I am starting to think about if I do go back how it is all going to work with childcare etc. I'm really torn, before I had my son I was working 3 days per week which was ok but I have the opportunity to go back on more hours. I like working, I miss the social contact etc but financially once childcare is paid for its not really worthwhile doing the part time hours, plus much less chance of any kind of development/advancement. I don't have any help from family with childcare so DS would need to be in nursery full time and DD would be at school plus an after school club. Its all ££ and would be a faff logistically. Everyone else I know who has kids has some help from family, even if its just a few hours per week. I am really fortunate that DH has a good job so we could manage financially if I didn't return but it seems like a daft thing to do in these times to give up a job, what if he got made redundant? Plus I value my independence, I'm by no means some high flying career woman but the same family that won't help me make me feel like a total bitch for wanting to go out to work.
I don't have to make a firm decision yet, but nursery places need to be reserved in advance etc so I can't not think about it and I am already feeling anxious and guilt ridden about the whole thing.

Can anyone help me get my head round it all? Bit long and waffly I know, apologies

It sounds to me like you enjoy your work, the independence, variety and social life that goes with it. It seems you're getting the wobbles just on the basis that a few small minded individuals want to make you feel bad about working. Have you ever considered that they may be jealous? Why else would they want to put a spanner in the works? You have a great 3 day a week job you love, you are in the lucky position that you don't need to work financially but you want to continue for all the other benefits it brings .... Sounds great to me. I bet any snide comments are from people who would really like to be in your shoes

I think if you could do a few days at work and the rest at home with DS then in my humble opinion you'd have the best of both worlds. Working gives you that extra bit of income, independence, it keeps topping your pension and NI contributions up, and your DS will benefit from socialisation at nursery.

That's my view but you must do what makes you happy. Happy mum = happy bubbas.

Good luck in what ever you decide xxxx

Blimey monstermuncher, you sound just like me! Motherhood comes with so much guilt it's hard to separate what you want for yourself and for the kids. A close friend told me, a happy mum is a happy child. I'm sure you've heard it too but keep it as your mantra. We're all different in our needs so don't measure yourself against other families. What, in an ideal world, would make you happy? Start with your gut answer and work the solution around that. If you are miserable being fulltime at home, your children will be too, if you are miserable being fulltime at work, you children will be too; your angst and guilt will shine through. Not that it has any bearing on your needs and situation but I tried all different ways of work! I tried out no work, part time and full time. No time drove me up the wall but made me happy I was a f/t mum and being totally there for the babes, f/t work rendered me knackered and ( with no extra child help) a bloomin' cross pig and p/t has left me feeling out of the running career-wise and frustrated I can't find time to devote to my job to make it a fantastically-done job. But , p/t gives me more time to be involved with school, help with homework, talk about emotional and body things, occasionally vac the stairs etc ..There isn't a simple solution, it's a trade-off. Finances aside, think what you need to feel good with life. What makes you feel good will make your children feel good. Stop feeling guilty, it's not necessary and it's not fair on yourself. Much empathy to you, it's not an easy desision.

Thank you ladies. It's not easy is it?