How well do little children cope with long days?

[Guildenstern]

I am considering my options. My children have always been at home with me so I have no idea what it's like to work with kids.

I would be working full time and I have a good idea how the childcare would work.

I would be dropping them at 8:30 and picking them up at 5:30. They would be aged 3 and 4.

Alternatively I could delay this plan until they were aged 5 and 6.

I would be really grateful to hear from anyone who has done / is doing long days with children around this age. I'm not sure if a) it might be really hard, they'd be grumpy from not having enough time at home relaxing or b) they'd thrive on all the wonderful activities run by the (naturally excellent) childcare providers that I have found.

TIA for any comments.

my ds does 0830 to 1730 2 days pw.

he doesn't seem any different on those days than the ones he's spent with me, just a bit easier to get to bed maybe!

Thanks Nagoo - how old is your son?

Guildenstern, my DCs both started at childminder at about 1 year of age, and went there from 8ish till 6ish (two days pw). They then moved to nursery at about 2yo, and did the same there. The older DC is now at school and stays till 5.30 twice a week. They have been absolutely fine. Sometimes tired, yes, but often they have lots of energy from being with their pals and all the fun they have. It's really turned out well - I hope it does for you too.

DS has been at nursery 8:00 to 5:00 since he was about 12 months. He's now nearly 4. 90% of the time he does enjoy being there, the 10% is usually when he's changing room and needs to resettle.

The hours aren't too long, they can always sleep if they want to. Even now in pre-school there is a quiet room with big cushions where they can lie down for a kip.

Both DS1 and DS2 started nursery for 5 days a week from 8.15 - 5.30. Oldest is now 7 and youngest 2.

They have both ABSOLUTELY thrived on it!! The nursery is quite small and has lovely staff. They do/did activities that are stimulating and much more messy than I could cope with at home. They have pets - gerbil and rabbit, they have a larger outside area than we do with loads more toys and sand/water play etc.

DS2 does get tired towards the end of the week but then we have snuggle time before bed which is lovely.

I did feel guilty to start with but they have both been so obviously happy there that it soon passed. I will be on Mat Leave soon and am planning to keep DS2 in for 3 days a week as he loves it so much.

If you decide to go back full time, it will be fine. Their behaviour will make it clear whether they like it or not!

Good luck

Forgot to say, they were both 10.5mo when they started nursery full time.

We drop DS1 (nearly 4) and DS2 (2yrs 3mos) off at my in-laws at 7.30 every morning, and they don't get home until at least 6pm. They go to pre-school from 9am till 3pm three days a week, and on those days they tend not to nap, but then they are so tired that they go to sleep by 7.30.

If they do nap at my in-laws, then we're lucky to get them into bed by 8.30.

They hate going to pre-school (i.e. being dropped off there) but they love being there, and really enjoy all the different activities and being with their friends. It's much more interesting for them than being at my in-laws all day, watching back-to-back cBeebies.

It is hard, though, having to get out of the house so early, and I hate having to wake them up to get them ready.

It's also awful when they plead to stay at home with me, but it helps to remind myself that DS1 is going to school in September, and this is valuable training for him in understanding that some things (like attendance at primary school, or Mummy going to work) are not negotiable.

Thanks for all the replies, this is really helpful.

In the days of my youth children used to come home from school at 3:30 and stay there. It's easy therefore (if you are my mother) to argue that children need to do this, and anything else is mean.

But things are different now, and apparently children are actually rather more flexible. :)

My mother argues that my DC are suffering because of their long days, and not being with me, but this is because she was a SAHM and thinks that this is what I should be.

Our daughter has been doing 7:45 to 5:45 (sometimes 6, depending on traffic) 5 days a week since she was 9 months old, to no ill effects, rather the opposite, she seems to quite enjoy it.

ttalloo is right.

Many of our mothers are of the generation where they didn't work outside the home, or just did very part time jobs fitting around school, and they just can't see that life isn't like that now. My mum didn't work until I was at secondary school age, and neither did other mums I knew - and indeed, I don't remember childminders, plus day nurseries and after school clubs didn't exist anyway - different times.

What people fail to remember though, is that many of these bright, capable women were seriously frustrated later on in life, when their kids were older or left home.

Your children will cope fine with the longer days. They adjust, and you will find a routine for mornings and evenings which works for you and allows them enough 'down' time before bed.

I am so grateful for the help here. I hope you don't mind if I deflect some of the grief I'm getting this way because I'm sure MN will have the answers. :)

The latest question is: will my child(ren) be socially disadvantaged due to being in afterschool club 5 nights a week and therefore not available for playdates?

I would like to think that afterschool club is a playdate, but I do see that if they have a special friend who doesn't attend the club, then the friendship might not develop very well.

Hi OP. I don't think that your DC will be socially disadvantaged by being in after-school club five nights a week. They can always have playdates with their particular friends at the weekend or during the holiday.

I'm not speaking from personal experience yet as my DC just go to pre-school at the moment, but from September when DS1 starts school I do intend to send him to after-school clubs if there is something he would enjoy and it fits in with our childcare arrangements.

Plus - and maybe I'm being naive here - I don't think that all children are having playdates after school every day of the week, are they?!

And don't let anybody else grind you down over this - this is your life, and your children and you are making decisions that matter for you and them. Your nearest and dearest have the right to an opinion but not to foist it on you and make you feel bad about your decisions, especially when their circumstances are/were very different to yours. (And I do speak from experience here )

I don't WOHM but I have a lot to do and, quite honestly, it is convenient for me if my DD's day sometimes extends beyond 4.30 pm when school finishes (she is 6.2, btw). So she does afterschool activities, which gives me a bit more time to get things done, and means that she does activities that school doesn't provide.

On Tuesday, for example, we leave the house at 8.30 am and she is not home until 6.45 pm, not having had a lunch hour (as she has tutoring then).

Quite honestly, she is pretty dead beat on Tuesday evening and needs down time alone/with me, and peace and quiet.

Obviously I think it is more than fine for children not to just come home and knock about for most of the afternoon, but I still think that there really aren't hard and fast rules about how long a day in a group setting children are able to put up with. Children vary hugely and you do need to take account of their preferences.