Separation Anxiety and Childcare

[justasmallglass]

DS is 9 months. I guess you could say he has always been quite a clingy baby. Whenever grandparents visit or we go to them, he always cries pretty much uncontrollably. He maybe comforted briefly by a cuddle, but generally whimpers the whole time. Sometimes they only have to walk through the door and he bursts into tears. He is like a different baby once he is alone with DH and I, smiley and happy.

We have read about separation anxiety, the fear they are going to be left or taken away from us.

The concern is that I reluctantly return to work in 1 week and grandparents are going to be looking after him for 3 days. DH works from home so will be around, although his ability to assist will be limited due to work.

Furthermore, I am probably going to have to return full time in a month, so will mean leaving him with a childminder, I'm trying not to consider how he will be at that point just yet!

My question is how best to handle it, are we better spending time with him with the grandparents here, or leaving him alone with them to "get used to it". We are doing a mixture of the two currently and he seems equally distressed with both situations.

Any experiences or advice would be greatly received.

bump

9 - 12 months is the most tricky time to start leaving a baby from the developmental perspective (so the evidence tells us) so although it's not much comfort to you now, at least you know things will improve. If you start leaving a child a lot younger than that, they aren't so affected.

I think you need to prepare yourself for a period of adjustment, but within a couple of weeks I bet you'll see an improvement. Seeing grandparents on the odd occasion is not the same as it become his daily routine, IYSWIM. He sounds like the sort of child who doesn't cope well with changes to his routine, but once a new rouine is established, then he will no doubt be very contented

Thanks violet. I guess we have to prepare ourselves for some tough times (probably with more tears from me than him!).

Unfortunately being at home with him is not an option, as much as I would love to.

Many Thanks

I am a CM and yes, it might be difficult (probably worse for you than him). He will eventually settle. I agree with what Violet said. Don't worry at all, a competent and experienced CM will know what to expect and will be able to support your son and reassure you.

I really don't think extending maternity leave was such a good idea for the children, although it is lovely for their parents to be able to spend more time with them. Children settle sooooo much faster at about 6 months.

That is interesting hsmm regarding this age. I am not particularly concerned about leaving him with a childminder at the moment, we are going to meet one tomorrow who appears impressive so far, and as you say, that is their level of expertise.

My actual concern is how Grandparents will handle it, not to go into too much detail, but they are from the "old school" shall we say, and have completely differing views on how DS should be raised compared to us.

Though I suppose I must be grateful for their support, and just accept that things will settle down eventually.