Stupid argument about my work vs his work

[LargeLatte]

Got cross with DH last night because whenever kids are ill or have day off school it is me that takes care of them because I gave up my job and started my own online business.

I was getting jealous that he still gets to go out to work while my business takes the hit so I can care for the kids.

I am such an idiot. That was exactly why I gave up my job and started my own business - so one of us could always be there for the kids without worrying about annoying a boss.

What a pointless argument.

I need other work-from-home mums to confess that they get equally protective of their own business, and have similar arguments so I don't feel like such a cow.

I am protective of my own business but don't have arguments. I work from home so other than phone calls/emails my only restriction is client meetings.

If there's an emergency (rare because we have a reliable nanny), then if I have no client meetings, I deal with it. I'm on hand rather than an hour and a half away and my work is more flexible.

If I have a client meeting and it is remotely possible for DH to cancel his stuff and be at home/come home he does, or we manage it between us with him going in late/coming home early or whatever.

In terms of losing my working time, I then make it up in the evenings.

It's rare though, as I say.

What's your business, does it literally require you to be available during the working day or you physically lose money?

No - I write marketing content for websites and build sites too. I already work most evenings and one day at weekend because I only get 2 hours child free time during the day, so when I lose working time it is pretty much imposible to make up.

Its just stressing me at the moment because I have a project on the go that does have time restrictions on it, but I need to relax about it, as my work was only ever meant to be a top up income, not the centre of our universe :)

Just getting a bit caught up in it at the moment as have invested so much time in this project.

Only 2 hours during the day, yes that's not a lot.

Presumably some of the days are planned, as in you know they're coming, like whatever they call what I still think of as Baker Days?

Could you have an arrangement that where you know something will be happened, your DH will take holiday, and when it's an illness/unexpected thing, you'll cover it?

If your business is really so important to you (and I can absolutely get that it would be/should be), then it might be worth considering paying for some formal childcare.

Only 2 hours a day is nothing really.

Yes - DH wants me to send sprogs one afternoon a week to a really great and affordable child minder we know.

I have absolutely no idea what is holding me back from letting that happen.

If you don't, you're taking an unfair load of household, domestic and childcare responsibilities - what time are you getting to bed? How much leisure time do you have? It's important that you don't lose sight of you in the middle of all of this.

If your DH is supportive of this as well then that's even better!

Do it.

I take it your kids are small.
You have to find your own 'watercooler' and 'me' time, otherwise that professional brain of yours will disintegrate into mush.
Yup, you are the "at home" parent. You do the kids stuff. One of you has to, or you pay somebody else to be there when your kids need love.

Thinking back.
Join your local NCT coffee morning group. Then you get your gossip fix.
Join a gym and use the creche. An undisturbed shower is a thing of wonder when kids are pre school.
Use the childminder. Two mornings a week. One for shopping and cleaning, one for work.
Use CBeebies - there is NO SHAME in good TV.

Then once they are at primary, your "me time" routines expand to fill the longer day.
I have two more terms till younger one goes to Secondary. Then 8.30 till 4.15 will be me time. Yippee!

Oh yes, and I take August off. The joy of self employment.

I always have a second of 'dammit, now I can't work today!' when my son is ill and can't go to daycare (he goes 1.5 days a week at the moment). And then I laugh at myself since the reason I started freelancing was so I could care for him!!

I think if your work/company is even slightly important to you, you'll have those thoughts.

Understand totally latte, although my dcs are older so it's more about frustration with household responsibilities.

I am self employed and I love the freedom and flexibility it gives me, and how it works for our whole family. It does mean though that when the TV ariel needs repaired or the plumber is coming that it feels as though it all becomes my responsibiity - both to arrange it and to be there while the work is done. It's not that I mind, but rather that I think it is easy for dh to just not see that it all takes time away from my work.

However last year I had 6 months where I was working on a contract that required me to be in their offices full time every day - just like being an employee and that certainly out things in perspective. I have a new appreciation for the 30 second commute from my bedroom to my office, for the flexibility to be on mn at 10.20 while I have a cup of tea, and the way our household runs more smoothly because we're not trying to arrange for a plumber to come on a Saturday morning.

That's not to say that I take responsibility for everything though - my dh has some complete tasks that are are up to him to arrange - and if we're still waiting a year later to get the garage door fixed, well hey ho, that's life.

))))working full time again((((

Hi there!
I am pregnant and run my own online business. My work and business are extremely important to me, which is why I?m personally planning to using childcare eventually. (Still V early stages of pg though).
One of the reasons why I wanted to set up the business was so that I could eventually balance work with family - on my own terms ? similar reasons to you, I suppose.

Before I launched the website, I had a vague idea in my head that, eventually, I could be a ?mum? in the day and switch over to professional mode during the evenings and at certain periods during the day. But, since I?ve been trading, I know it?ll be impossible to juggle all with the hours that I have and achieve what I want with the business. At the end of the day, I think you need to be able to focus on work and it give it your undivided attention (for more than 2 hour slots) for it to work well for you in the long-term. Plus, who wants to be working 24/7????!

Anyway, although I don?t know what it?s like to be a mum (yet!), I can totally sympathise with you in what you?re saying. Even now, there?s more chores that have landed on me, because I now work from home and DH is not around. It?s all a bit ?convenient?!

I would definitely trial your childminder, even if it?s just for this project, and see how you get on. It?s very frustrating wanting to work and being side tracked. I think it?s prob a sure fire recipe to end up feeling really guilty about not doing either role as well as you like.